JAMES HAWK SMITH

2011-03-07T23:05:00.001-06:00

A video I made of Hawk. Remembering him and missing him...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GxAu6UKjjg&feature=related

2011-03-07T22:49:00.002-06:00

Hawk on Channel 4 at Midday..Jan. 18, 2007. It had been almost a year since he had taken his MAW trip. I think he had forgotten some of it. He was so enthralled with the microphone. At one point, he turned to Lindy and said, " I love you, mommy."....he would do this all the time with all of us. All on a sudden, he would say, "Nana or Papa or whoever", and we would say, "what" and he would say, "I love you."

Such a precious little boy. I miss him so much. I miss telling him bedtime stories. I miss his enthusiasm, his smile, his energy...I miss everything about him. Sometimes the memories make me cry and sometimes they make me smile...

I'll never forget this precious little boy or EVER stop missing him. Sometimes it's just too much...

Love you Hawk. I miss you more than words can express....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdrZhpZT62Q

2010-01-04T22:54:00.005-06:00

We are having the First Annual Hawk's Walk for a Cure and Awareness on May 1 at Fiddler's Grove, Lebanon, Tn.

http://hawkswalk.weebly.com/index.html

Trying to bring awareness and a cure for Pediatric Brain Tumors and especially DIPG. We miss Hawk so much. It's been almost 3 years since he left. Three years since we've seen him, heard his voice, heard his laugh. When I write about it, it's almost too much.

I would love to see him again. See his enthusiasm for life. But I know it's not possible during my life here. Now I'm crying.

We love you our precious Hawk and miss you so much. The other day, Skyla (Hawk's little sister) was talking and I asked her who she was talking to and she said "Bubba" (Hawk). She said that she talks to him all the time. She is now the age he was when he left. Our family will never ever get over losing this precious little boy. EVER.

JESUS SAID, "LET THE LITTLE CHILDREN COME TO ME, AND DO NOT HINDER THEM, FOR THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN BELONGS TO SUCH AS THESE." MATTHEW 19:14

visit: www.icouldbeyourchild.org and read about the children and the foundations and ways you can help.

2009-12-12T13:06:00.000-06:00

4 years ago today 12/12/2005, Mike's family from Lawrence County came up to spend the day with us for Christmas. We had been noticing changes in Hawk since Oct. But on this day, I could tell that things were getting worse. He looked like someone who had had a stroke. I remember taking a picture of him, Jamie and Skyla in front of the tree. He was holding onto Jamie's hand. And Hawk wasn't smiling. I wondered why he wasn't smiling. Now I understand that he couldn't smile. I don't like to look at that picture. I understand now that he was trying to smile, but just couldn't. Breaks my heart. There was a tumor inside his head on his brain stem. After everyone left, I called Lindy and asked her to make an appt. with Hawk's doctor and I would take him.She called the next day and said that his appt was for Dec 15th.

I called Jamie and asked if he wanted to go with me and he did. Hawk's other grandpa called me and said he wanted to go also. On the 15th, Ken picked Hawk up and met Jamie and me at the doctor's office. I remember every detail of that day. I remember what the examination room looked like. How Hawk reacted when Jamie and I walked in. He was so excited to see Jamie, as always. Jamie and Lindy were divorced, so Hawk didn't see Jamie everyday. I remember Dr Steger coming into the room and holding her finger in front of Hawk's eyes and telling him to follow her finger. He couldn't follow with his right eye. I knew immediately that something was very wrong. She left the room and immediately called Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. She came back in and told us to take Hawk to Vanderbilt. That it was possibly a stroke, a tumor on his brain or a tumor on his spine. I am a very positive thinking person. On the way to Vanderbilt, I was thinking...if it's a stroke, I'm sure that can be corrected.

We got to Vanderbilt. They did an MRI. They came into the room and told Jamie that Hawk definitely had a mass on the brain, but would do a CT scan the next day to determine exactly what it was. Lindy and Barbara arrived at the hospital, Mike stayed at our house and took care of Skyla. I remember Hawk's hospital room and everything about that day. Dr Steger, Hawk's pediatrician came to Vanderbilt and came into Hawk's room and went around the room and hugged everyone of us. When I got home that night, I told Mike....I don't know exactly what's wrong, but it's going to be very bad. And I was right.

The next day on the 16th, they did the CT scan. By the time they had the results, the only people who were at the hospital were Mike, Jamie, Lindy and I. Dr K came into Hawk's room and asked Jamie and Lindy to step into another room with him. They asked if I wanted to go. Mike stayed in the room with Hawk and played a game of candyland. Dr. K calmly told us that Hawk had a tumor on his brain stem....the worse kind of cancer a child can have....the name for it is diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma...DIPG. That 95% of the children live less than 2 yrs. That there was no cure. I called all of our family and told them. Everyone was in shock and disbelief. There were a lot of tears shed. And so began the nightmare for our family. Our lives changed on those 3 days and will never be the same again.

Hawk lived 13 1/2 months after being diagnosed. And passed away on Feb. 4, 2007. We miss him everyday. We will NEVER stop missing him or loving him.

Very little is done for cancer research for children. Only a small percent of money raised for cancer research is given for the children. 100% of money raised at Hawk's Walk will go to bringing awareness and research for childhood cancer.

I don't remember any other Dec 12, 15 or 16th of any other year in my life. But I'll always remember Dec 12th, 15th and 16th of 2005.

And on Dec 15th of this year, we'll be spending it at a benefit for Bishop Mikaelian, a beautiful young girl who is fighting a brain tumor. I'm thankful that on Dec 15th of this year, we can be supporting and encouraging another family who knows the pain and heartache of having a child with a brain tumor, but I'm not glad that after 4 years very little has been done for childhood cancer awareness and research

2009-10-11T17:29:00.007-05:00

Thursday..Oct. 8, 2009....We arrived in Greeneville about 8:30 in the evening. Jamie wanted us to come on over to Leah's brother, Denny and his wife Karen's house. So we did. Skyla had gone up with Jamie and Leah a few days earlier, so we went over and spent some time with Denny and Karen. They have a beautiful home out in the country. Jamie put some boston butts on the smoker to cook until some time the next day. We stayed there for awhile and then went on over the our motel. Skyla went with us. My sister, Wanda and her husband, Warren were already at the motel. They came to our room and visited awhile. Skyla was playing and all of a sudden she said: "I miss Bubba (Hawk)". I asked her what made her think of him all of a sudden and she said that she just did and that she missed him. Wanda and Warren went to their room and we went to bed.

Friday Oct. 9, 2009....We got up and joined Wanda and Warren for breakfast. After breakfast, we all went to the Davy Crockett Birthplace State Park. It was interesting to read about him and see the replica of the cabin that he was born in. After he married, he moved to Lawrence County (the county Mike and I are from). There is a Davy Crockett State Park in Lawrenceburg Tn also.
We left the park and drove to Jonesboro..the oldest town in Tennessee. It is a beautiful town. All of the old buildings have been turned into shops and restaurants. We went into a candy store. The young man who was working in there asked me where we were from. I told him and told him why we were in that area. That our son was getting married. I had Skyla with me and I told him that her daddy was the one getting married. And I told him about Hawk. He wanted to know all about Hawk's illness and said that he had a one year old little girl and how awful it would be to lose a child. It was just me and him and Skyla in the store. So I shared with him some things I had learned about the lack of funding for childhood cancer and told him about gold being the color of childhood cancer awareness and told him about grey being the color of brain tumor awareness. I gave him a ICBYC card and he said that he would definitely check out their website. I also told him about the first annual Hawk Smith walk for a Cure in Lebanon, Tn on May 1, 2010.

At 4:00, Mike, I, Skyla, Wanda and Warren went to Leah's parents (Dennis and Jackie Holt) house for the rehearsal. Our son, Chris and his wife, Wanda were there and a lot of Leah's family. Leah's attendant was her best friend, Stephanie and Jamie's best man was his brother, Chris. It was a fall wedding so Skyla dropped fall leaves out of a basket. So when we would call her the flower girl, she would correct us and say that she was the leaf girl....CUTE!!!...
At 7:00 PM, we all went to Stan's BBQ restaurant for the rehearsal dinner. Mike and I treated about 25 family and friends to dinner. We had a great time with each of our families getting to know each better. I love Leah's family. They all are so loving, a lot of fun and very friendly. And we all have a lot in common with each other. And most of all they love my son very much. But, of course, they should. He is a very lovable young man. And now he is their son-in-law. And we love Leah very much and now she is our daughter-in-law.

Sat. Oct. 10, 2009...We got up and Wanda, Warren, Chris and Wanda all came to our room and then they and Mike went to breadfast. Skyla was still asleep, so I stayed with her. They brought me something back. Wanda (my sister) and Wanda (my daughter-in-law) and I went to the Dollar Tree and I bought 31 hellium balloons to send up to Hawk after the wedding. We came back and all of us got ready for the wedding. It was a beautiful country wedding. It was at Leah's mom and dad's (Jackie and Dennis Holt) house out in the country. They have a BEAUTIFUL country home on 20 acres. It was a Fall wedding. Very casual. Leah told me and her mother to wear blue jeans, so we did. Leah wore a beautiful wedding gown, Skyla was dressed in a beautiful long white dress with lace socks and a pretty white bow in her hair. She threw leaves out of a basket. As the wedding started, Jamie gave me a rose and kissed me and Leah gave Jackie a rose and kissed her. Dennis gave Leah away and then Leah and Jamie said their vows.
After the wedding there were a lot pictures being taken. A friend of the family (who is a professional photographer) was taking the pictures. He took a lot of picture and stayed til late in the night taking pictures.

After that, we all went to the back of the house and let balloons go for Hawk. Jamie and Leah and Skyla held a red heart shaped balloon. The rest of us held assorted colors...grey for brain tumor awareness, white heart shaped and blue heart shaped. There were 30 of these balloons. Some couples shared one. All of the children had a balloon. Leah asked me to say something. I said that Jamie, Leah and Skyla were holding the heart shaped balloon together as the beginning of their new family. That we were letting balloons go in memory of Hawk. That he was with us on this day and every day. Jamie, Leah and Skyla let their red balloon go first. Then we all let ours go. We all said..."We love you Hawk." The red balloon went up first. The other balloons made a circle around the red balloon. At one point, the red balloon turned over and the balloon was facing down toward us as the other balloons circled it. They went all the way out of sight with the red balloon going first and the rest in a circle around it. It was beautiful. Several came up to me and said that that was a wonderful thing to do. Our family was used to letting balloons go for Hawk, but that was the first time that Leah's family had let balloons go for Hawk. They all thought it was so special. Hawk is a part of their family now. There were some tears shed...the ones I noticed were Jamie, Mike, Mike's brother Sammie and our neice, Heather and I know some more that I didn't see.

After that we all talked awhile and then Jamie read a poem that he wrote thanking everyone for coming. It was nice and funny. Then we all ate. They served a country meal. Jamie smoked some boston butts all night and then pulled them apart and barbequed them. The barbeque was delicious. Leah's uncle Johnny cooked white beans in a huge iron pot over an open fire all day. And we had stewed potatoes, homemade slaw, cornbread, onions and relish and jalepenos for the beans. Delicious!!! There was a bottle of champaigne at each table. There were tubs of iced down cold drinks, water, beer, and wine. While we were eating, a woman and man who work with Leah played guitars and sang and entertained us.

Then Jamie and Leah had the first dance. They chose..I Cross My Heart..by George Strait. Beautiful song. Leah's brother, Denny, was the DJ. Saturday was also our granddaughter, Breanna's 9th birthday. Leah surprised with her own individual cake that Leah's sister, Tonya baked. Leah put 9 candles on the cake and we all sang Happy Birthday to Breanna. That was very nice of Leah and her family. Jamie and Leah cut their wedding cake. Tonya (Leah's sister) baked a pumpkin cake, an apple cake and a chocolate cake. They were delicious. Then Denny started the music and some of us danced. The guys had built a huge bonfire in the back of the house and some of them went back there. Some of Jamie and Leah's friends were camping back there. We had so much fun. We danced and kareoked. We had a ball. Eventually, most of the ones at the campfire joined the rest of us. Leah's family are so much fun.

Our granddaughter Kayla, 15 and Leah's step-neice, Katie, 15 sang to some Taylor Swift songs and some Trisha Yearwood songs..."You belong with me" and She's In Love With The boy" and some more. Jackie (Leah's mom) kareoked with some country songs. I sang to Tina Turner...."Simply the Best" and " Better Be Good To Me". Jackie and I sang to an Elvis Presley song. Jackie, her sister-in-law, Debbie and her neice and I sang "Crazy" by Patsy Cline. Jackie's brother, Barry sang to "Feel Like Making Love", as Jamie and Leah were leaving. Mike sang to George Strait "Amarillo By Morning", "If You're Looking For A Stranger" and "You Look So Good In Love" and "The Dance" by Garth Brooke. Mike has a beautiful voice and sings just like George Strait. And Skyla sang by herself..."Jesus Loves Me" and "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star". I never sat down for 4 hours. I danced and sang and enjoyed everyone else dancing and singing and had a ball.

Jamie and Leah left before the rest of us. They went to Pigeon Forge Saturday night and then left Sunday morning for a week in Panama City.

Leah's family is great. All of them. We all have so much in common. We are so blessed with all of our daughters-in-law's families. We spend time with all of them. We do a lot with Wanda (our daughter-in-law)'s family, we are close to Tuesday (our daughter-in-law)'s family. In fact, Jamie and Leah are going to visit with them while they are in Panama City this week. And I know we'll be close to Leah's family. We are a blessed family.

2009-09-27T15:42:00.002-05:00

First of all...I love you Hawk and Miss you everyday..that will never change.

Here is a link for Chili's restaurant...dine at Chili's tomorrow and all proceeds goes to St. Jude's Hospital...
http://www.createapepper.com/BigDay.aspx

We are planning the first annual Hawk's Walk for a Cure at Fiddler's Grove, Lebanon, Tn May 1, 2010...www.icouldbeyourchild.org....Increase public awareness of Pediatric Brain Tumors (primarily DIPG) and Childhood Cancer, provide funding for research and to provide support to children and families diagnosed with a PBT.

Although Jamie and Lindy are not actively involved right now, they are very supportive of this. They both have full time jobs, so it is not as easy for them to work on it as is for me to.

Breanna is in 3rd grade. She made honor roll the first 6 weeks. Proud of Breanna. Skyla and Brooke started to kindergarten. Brooke got the most improved the first 6 weeks. Skyla and Brooke miss coming to our house during the week and we miss them coming here. We usually get them on the weekend now. Breanna spent the night on Friday night and then Brooke came last night and Breanna went home with Tuesday and we took Brooke and Skyla to church and now they are here playing.

Our youngest son, Jamie, is getting married on Oct. 10th to Leah Holt. Jamie is happy and more like himself than he's been in awhile. He and Leah started dating in Oct of 2006. We had just found out that Hawk's tumor had started growing again. Leah has been great for Jamie. Hawk loved Leah and she was very good with him and now is a great addition in Skyla's life. She and Jamie are getting married in Greeneville, Tn at her parent's house. We are all looking forward to the wedding.

2009-05-09T12:20:00.003-05:00

I miss you, Hawk. I miss you a lot. I miss your beautiful smile, your joyous infectious laughter. We got tickled just watching you laugh. I miss telling you bedtime stories. The three little pigs and the three bears. It wasn't Goldilocks and the three bears--it was Hawk and most of his family going to the 3 bears house. He would name all of the people he wanted the story to be about. It usually included most of his family. I miss your incredible energy and your enthusiasm for life. The love you had for everyone. When I would come to daycare to get you and you would be at the end of hall and you would see me. You would have a huge smile on your face and your would yell "nannie" as loud as you could and run to me. And if you had just seen me the day before, you would do this. Thank you, Hawk for all of the incredible LOVE and memories you left us. You have no idea how precious you were to our family. Today we watched movies of you taken the last week you were here. It was the first time we have watched them. Pa Pa and I cried. We love and miss you so much. I would love to hold you again, to hear you say, "I love you, nannie" again, to watch you run and laugh and play with your little sister. Skyla doesn't talk about you very much now, she was too little to remember you. But I tell her about you all of the time. I hate it that she and Brooke won't remember you. Breanna misses you so much. She talks about you all of the time. Both of you were so close. I know you know this, but Breanna and Brooke send balloons to you all of the time.

I'm posting about the other precious children who have or have had DIPG and other cancer and it is bringing so many painful memories of going through it with Hawk. It will never go away. There will never be a day that we won't miss you, our precious little grandson.

We love you Hawk. It was not in our power to keep you here, but it was in our power to love you and cherish you and to cherish your memory.
We will always love you and miss you, our precious little grandson.

2009-02-13T13:49:00.001-06:00

It has been 2 years (Feb. 4) since Hawk left us. We miss him so much.

2008-12-02T22:51:00.002-06:00

We miss you Hawk. It has been almost 2 years since you left. Time takes care of some of the pain, but not all of it. The more time goes by, the harder it gets, because we know that we won't see you here again. It still seems hard to believe that you are not here and won't be back.

I felt so depressed about decorating for Christmas and then I decided to at least go through the motions. And so Mike and I put up the tree and put out the decorations and Mike decorated the trees and house on the outside. Brooke stayed with us for a few days and she helped. She was so excited about helping us with the decorations. She had remembered some of the globes that I had out last year and she wanted to see them. I am so thankful for our grandchildren. I don't know how we would have gotten through all of this with Hawk, if it hadn't been for them. Brooke and Skyla talk about him all the time. Breanna has the most memories of him, because she was older when he passed away. She talks about him a lot and misses him a lot.

There is so much pain and hurt left in our family because of Hawk dying. I know he is in a better place, but we miss him so much.

2008-06-23T18:45:00.035-05:00

TRIP TO LAS VEGAS AND GRAND CANYON

On May 30, 2008, we left Mt Juliet for a 11 days/10 nights trip to Las Vegas and Grand Canyon and points west. We were on a Diamond Tours bus with the Mt. Juliet Senior Citizens.

Our driver, Marla. She did a wonderful job of driving the bus.

She got that bus out of some tight places that some of us thought she might not do, but she always did.

Peggy and her grandson Christopher. He was the youngest person on the bus. They sat across the aisle from us. Mike and I and Charlie and Frances sat in the back across from them. Our seats were turned to face each other and there was a small table between us.
Peggy has a great sense of humor. She kept us laughing and was a lot of fun. She was a great person to be taking a long trip with. Christopher had an Ipod with lots of songs on it and one with lots of movies on it. He listened to music and watched his movies a lot. He was very knowledgeable of the area we were traveling in. If we had a question about something we saw, he could usually answer it. Left Mt Juliet, Tn on Friday, May 30 at 8:00 am. Stopped every few hours for a break, usually at a Loves truck stop. Watched 2 movies that day. Ate dinner at Luby's Cafeteria in Little Rock, Ark. Spent the night in Sallisaw, Ok. Got up the next morning and left for Oklahoma City. At 10:30 we stopped at a rest stop and met a woman from Lawrenceburg, Tn (our home county). She and her husband drive a tractor trailor to California and back every week. It is a small world.

Our first stop was the Oklahoma City National Memorial. The April 19, 1995, Oklahoma City bombing changed our nation and our world. It was the costliest act of terrorism up to that time on American soil. 168 people were killed, including 19 children--more than 700 injured--it involved thousands of rescuers.

This is the chain link fence where people leave letters, pictures, flowers, momentoes, etc of their loved ones who lost their lives that day. The whole area is very moving and touching.

This is a statue of Christ across the road from the memorial. He has his back to the site of destruction and is holding his face in his hand and on the bottom of the statue it says: And Jesus Wept.

This wall is made up of different things that children sent to the memorial. There are handprints, drawings, etc.

Charlie and Frances in front of the rows of chairs in memory of the people who were killed that day. Each row represents the floor they were on when the bombing happened. Each persons name is engraved on each chair. The second row of chairs are smaller than the others. That is where the Day Care was. These are the chairs representing the children who were killed.

We left Oklahoma and crossed into Texas at 4:21 on Sat. may 31.

On of Amarillo, Tx. more popular attractions is Cadillac Ranch, where ten vintage Cadillacs were buried with their tail fins in the air by Stanly Marsh 111. People stop and spray paint the cars.

On Sunday 6/1/08 we were driving through Texas and we saw more cows than we have ever seen in one place at one time. We think approximately 5-6,000 cows and one cowboy taking care of them.

Also, in Texas, we saw the huge three prong windmills. They were huge and amazing to see. Some of them were right on the edge of the interstate. We also saw several oil wells.

We entered New Mexico at 10:00 our time. We had to set our watches back 1 hour.

Taken outside of the restaurant. This was at the corner of the old Route 66 and the new Route 66. We traveled along the old Route 66 most of the way out there. Some of the old road is not passable now and some of it is part of I-40. We saw the teepee motel that is on Route 66. We were amazed at the terrain out there. In Texas and New Mexico, we drove for 25 or 30 miles and only see one little house. In New Mexico we would see miles of flat desert with no grass and then all of a sudden there would be a huge mountain of solid rock.

A post card of Route 66.

Lake Meade. This is the lake that was formed by the Hoover Dam when the Colorado was dammed up.

These are horned mountain goats. We were on the tour bus going to Hoover Dam. Our guide told us that if we saw these goats, then we would have luck at the casino in Las Vegas that night. I won $60. that night which is a lot for me.

The Hoover Dam. This is an amazing thing to see. It was amazing to me that they went down in the middle of this huge solid rock mountain and made this dam on the Colorado River.

This is a picture of the Colorado River rushing into the Dam to produce electricity.

Hoover Dam is a testimony to a country's ability to construct monolithic projects in the midst of adverse conditions. Built during the Depression; thousands of men and their families came to Black Canyon to tame the Colorado River. It took less than five years, in a harsh and barren land, to build the largest dam of its time. Now, years later, Hoover Dam still stands as a world-renowned structure. The Dam is a National Historic Landmark and has been rated by the American Society of Civil Engineers as one of America's Seven Modern Civil Engineering Wonders.

Go to: www.usbr.gov/lc/hooverdam to read about this amazing engineering wonders.

As of 9/11, buses carrying luggage are not allowed to cross the Hoover Dam because of security reasons. In the background of this picture is the construction of a new highway that will cross over the Colorado River for the traffic that is not allowed now.
The Colorado River has a lot of lime in it. The white section is how high the river has been on the mountain. It left a bleached area.

This is a memorial made for the 96 men who lost their lives while building the dam.

After we left the Hoover Dam, we went back to Las Vegas.

One of the buildings in Las Vegas.

All of the casinos were huge. Las Vegas is a very busy place. Their are cars, buses and people everywhere. They have a monorail system that takes you from casino to casino. Mike and I found out that that is the best way to travel in Las Vegas. We were more interested in seeing the sights than gambling. We spent very little money playing the slot machines and I won $60.

The lights of Vegas at night. We were on a schedule, so we didn't get to see many of the sights of Vegas. I would like to go back some time and stay longer at Vegas and at the Grand Canyon.

Inside Caesar Palace. This is a huge place. The ceiling is painted to look like the sky. It looks like you have entered the ancient city of Rome when you go in Caesars palace. It is very beautiful.

The shops in Caesars Palace.

One of the many sculptors in Caesars Palace that reminded us of Rome.

Thursday June 05, 2008, we arrived at the Grand Canyon. It is the most awesome site I've ever seen. Pictures and movies don't do it justice. I kept hearing things like awesome, amazing, incredible etc. It is one of the 7 natural wonders of the world and now I know why. Words can't describe how incredible it is. I almost cried when I saw it. It is an amazing site. Nothing manmade could ever compare to what God can make.

Mike and I in front of the Grand Canyon.

A close up of the Colorado River at the bottom of the Grand Canyon

Another view of the Grand Canyon

Another view of the Grand Canyon. The little bitty white line is the Colorado River. The Grand Canyon is a mile deep and over 240 miles long.

This was made at The Amarillo Botanical Gardens on the way back on Sat June 7.

All of the plants and flowers were beautiful.

Fay, Frances, me, and Mary

Charlie and Fran at the Botanical Gardens

Mike at the Botanical Gardens.

We really enjoyed this trip. My favorite sites were the Hoover Dam and the Grand Canyon. Some of the animals we saw were a prong horned antelope in Arizona. Elk in Oklahoma and the horned mountain goats in Boulder City, NV.

We were amazed at how different the scenery is out there. Mike and I had never been further west than Little Rock, Ark. The vastness of everything. We would go for 20 or 30 miles and not see a house. The desert had no grass, just little bushes. The long trains in New Mexico. The windmills in Texas. We saw the Petrified Forest and The Painted Desert. The huge mountains of solid rock. But the absolute most amazing site was the Grand Canyon.

Some of the things we did while riding along: On the way to Amarillo, Tx, we decided that we needed to know the words to the song by George Strait--Amarillo By Morning. We managed to come up with some of the words and then Christopher heard us talking about it and he said he had the song on his ipod, so we got the words from him.

We played bingo. Some people told jokes. We watched movies. After seeing the Grand Canyon, Frances and I decided that we needed to know all of the 7 wonders of the world. So I called my sister in SC and she got on the computer and gave us the 7 natural wonders of the world and the 7 man made wonders of the world. Fran went up to the front of the bus and got the microphone and shared the info with everyone.

Mike wrote a poem about our trip. Peggy went up to the front of the bus and read it on the microphone to everyone.

This is it:

Riding through the great southwest.

We're heading for Amarillo tonight.

Marlo's doing the driving,

We're looking at the sights.

There's no trees and no green grass to remind us all of Home.

No, we're out here in the Desert where the mule deer and the antelope roam.

There's dirt and sand stretching far and wide

And rocks and mountains reaching to the sky.

We looked into the great and awesome Grand Canyon

And we stood there in wonder feeling so small

Taking in this great panoramic view.

There's lots of speculation on how all of this came to be.

But there is one thing that all of us agree.

God blessed all of us when He let us come and see.

We traveled over 4,000 miles round trip.

2008-05-12T18:37:00.003-05:00

Skyla and Brooke with umbrellas. It was coming a light rain and they wanted to continue playing outside, so we gave them umbrellas and let them continue play.

Brooke had on a "fancy dress". They love to dress up in their "fancy dresses".

Brooke had her 4th birthday party on May 3. She was 4 on April 29, but they waited until Sat. May 3 to celebrate. She had a skating party. She wouldn't wear her skates. She said that they made her nervous. Skyla wore hers and Brooke was barefooted. She walked around with Skyla on the skating rink. They stayed together the whole time. Everyone had a great time. Breanna can skate really good. Breanna and Hawk were always together and now Skyla and Brooke are always together.

We had a great Mother's Day. Everyone came to our house. It was Mike's mom, Cathy Waddle and her husband, Derald, Mike's sister, Regina and her husband Mike Carr and his mom, Carrie Carr, and their daughter, Heather Blackburn. Our sons, Chris and Wanda and Jamie and Leah and Skyla and Mike and I. We cooked hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill and had all of the trimmings. Then we played Trivia for Dummies. We had a ball with that game.

2008-04-23T20:04:00.006-05:00

Here are new pictures of Skyla. They were made several months ago. Her other grandmother took her to a photographer in Brentwood. The photographer had made pictures of Hawk several years ago. When she found out that he had passed away, she gave Barbara the negatives she had of Hawk. Most photographer don't ever give away the negatives. I thought that was really nice of her to give those to Barbara.

This is a car magnet we had made for our car. We always want to keep Hawk's memory alive. He was our very special precious little grandson. We miss him every day.

Breanna has been on the honor roll all year and she wanted to be on the Principals list. Well , she finally made it on this report card. She is one of 3 on the Principals List in the first grade. Way to go Breanna!!! She has a 99 average.

2008-02-20T15:56:00.016-06:00

This is in memory of Hawk and pictures of our family.

On the left Jamie and Hawk when Hawk was 2 years old
TO HAWK:
We thought of you with love today But that is nothing new....We thought about you yesterday and the days before that too..We think of you in silence. We often speak your name. All we have now are memories and your picture in a frame. Your memory is our keepsake with which we'll never part.God has you in his keeping , we have you in our hearts. A thousand times we cried. If love alone could have saved you you never would have died. In life we loved you dearly in death we love you still. In our hearts you hold a place no one could ever fill. It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn't go alone.For a part of us went with you the day God took you home. Hawk, we miss you terribly. We'll always love you.
Breanna, Brooke and Skyla talk of you all the time.

On the left, Chris and Kayla. Kayla will be 14 in March. She is the typical teenager, she likes to be with her friends and text message a lot.

My sister, Wanda, playing pool. She and Warren came in for a few days in January. We went to Lawrence County one day to see two of our aunts and Wanda got to see one of her childhood friends that she hadn't seen in about 20 years.

Warren and Brooke eating lunch in Lawrenceburg. Some of these pics turned out little like this. I don't know how to fix it.

Chris and Wanda listening to old albums of mine.

Kevin, Tuesday, Breanna and brooke.

Leah and Jamie.

Everyone came over and spent time with Wanda and Warren while they were here.

Kayla

Brooke and Skyla on their trikes we got them for Christmas, they love to ride them. Both of them are 3.

Breanna, 7, on her scooter we got her for Christmas. She loves her scooter.

Breanna. She is in 1st grade. She has been on the honor roll all year.

Breanna

Brooke with one half of one eyebrow gone. She found one of Kevin's razors and shaved it off.

Skyla with valentine balloon.

Brooke and Skyla in the blowup bouncy house. Mike got it at an auction. They love it. Their hair was fixed until they played in the bouncy house for awhile

Skyla drawing. She and Brooke love to draw.

2008-02-04T22:21:00.000-06:00

Hawk went to Heaven 1 year ago today.

Thank you to Jim (http://www.icouldbeyourchild.org/) for remembering us on this day. It was 1 year ago today that Hawk went to be with Jesus. We miss him so much. His dad, Jamie, and Mike and I went today and ordered a tombstone for his grave. This is a picture of what it will look like. Jamie chose what he wanted it to be like--Mike and I were there for morale support. There will also be a vase mounted on one side for us to put flowers in. It will be ready in about 6 weeks.

2007-10-30T21:57:00.000-05:00

Hawk--3 yrs old, Mike, and Jamie.

Hawk 18 months old.

----------------------------------

I found these pictures today in a closet that I was cleaning out. I had tried to clean it 2 times before, but couldn't do it. A lot of the clothes in it belonged to Hawk. But today I was able to clean it out. I am giving his clothes to our daughter-in-law for her two grandsons. I kept a little sweat shirt of his that he had painted a snowman on. I found these pictures in some of Jamies things that he had left here. I have never seen these pictures before. I made me some copies and I will give these to Jamie. All we have now are memories and pictures and movies. I am thankful that we have all of these things, but it's still hard to believe that he is gone.

Mike and Hawk's other grandpa, Ken went to the church today and put together some playground equipment that had been donated in Hawk's memory. A lot of people had donated money to the Children's ministry in Hawk's memory and the playground equipment was one of the things that was purchased. They were having Tuesday school at church today and after Mike and Ken got the equipment put together, the 5 year old's came out and played on it. Hawk would have liked that.

We miss him every day. But we will get through this with the Lord's help.

---------------------------

"I lift up mine eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth. Psalms: 121

2007-10-18T20:52:00.000-05:00

Brooke and Mike came into the sunroom and she absolutely cheers me up. I was really feeling sad in the previous post. But how can I be down when my precious little grandchildren are here. They have no idea how much joy they bring to our lives. They keep us so entertained. Thank you God.

2007-10-18T20:03:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I'll have a little peace about Hawk's death and then it will hit again. I have a screen saver that goes across my computer and just now there was a picture of Hawk and the other grandchildren together. I looked at it and---I hate that this happened to him and to our family .I just want to scream. But it won't do any good. There's nothing I can do to change it. I know that he's in a better place and that we'll see him again, but I'm only human and right now I hate all of this. But I know that God will heal our family of this pain.

2007-10-17T21:29:00.000-05:00

Went to kroger today. Still hurts to go to kroger. We usually go to wal-mart. Kroger is where we always went to buy organic food for Hawk. It was very painful the first time we went back to kroger after Hawk passed away. They have a wonderful organic food section. When we passed it, I got very emotional. When we got to the meat section, we saw a young mother who attends our church, Brooke Palmer. She has 4 children. The children really didn't know Mike and I that well, but they just came over to Mike and I and were so friendly. They really lifted my spirits and I told their mother what a blessing they were to me that day.
God put them there.
Today was still hard, but not as hard as the first time we went back. I miss Hawk so much. I have a lot of anger and a lot of hurt, but am trying to work through it. I feel like writing it down will help (hopefully me and someone else). I am beginning to come out of the tunnel of pain and anger. The best things we did for Hawk was to love him, spend time with him, be there for him, pray for him, stay positive and happy around him. The worst thing we did (in my opinion) was to take him to a "healing service". If I offend anyone, I'm sorry. This is my opinon only. We were told that Hawk was healed, and if we had enough faith then he would stay healed. Here is my opinion on all of this. Hawk got cancer because we live in a fallen world--we have disease, we have crime, we hear of things that are so cruel--but we live in a sinful, fallen world--if we lived in a perfect world, then Jesus would have come in vain. God is there to get us through these painful times. The young mother and her children in kroger was a gift from God. Sometimes God does not answer our prayers like we want Him to . But He is God and we are not. "Thy will be done, not mine." Even Jesus (and there is no one with more faith than Jesus), prayed for the cup of sacrifice to be removed from Him. But he said, "Thy will not mine be done" and he accepted God's will and went to the cross.
We are a family of Faith. All of Hawk's family--his mother, his dad, his dad's girlfriend, his step-father, his grandparents, his aunts and uncles, his cousins. It takes faith to hear that this precious little child has a terminal illness. It takes faith to pray for him to stay here, but to know in the end that he is not going to be able to stay. And for me, to change my prayer to "Thy will not mine be done." Faith to watch him take his last breath, but to know that he is going to a better place. Faith to watch what the disease did to his little body the last 2 weeks of his life. Faith to watch him be lowered into the ground.
-----------------------------------------------
"Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. 14We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him."
---1 Thessalonians 4, 13-14
------------------------------------------
Faith to live this and not go crazy. Without our faith, I don't know what we would do.Faith to get up every day without him and to be grateful for the beauty of this world, faith on Breanna's part to tell God what to tell Hawk every night. Faith to enjoy our life here and to enjoy our grandchildren, to laugh with them and be thankful for them.
We love you Hawk. It was not in our power to keep you here, but it was in our power to love you and cherish you and to cherish your memory.
We will always love you and miss you, our precious little grandson.

2007-10-16T15:06:00.000-05:00

This picture was taken last Thursday, Oct. 11, 2007

----------------------------

Breanna in front of the fall display we made.

------------------------------------------

Wednesday, Oct 10th, was Breanna's 7th birthday. We couldn't attend her b/day party, so we got her on Thursday and spent the day with her. When we picked her up, we asked her where she wanted to go eat and she said that she really wanted some gravy and biscuits, it was lunchtime, so I said we would go to Cracker Barrel. We went to Cracker Barrel and she had gravy and biscuit and a scrambled egg. Before we left there, she wanted her and Mike to sit on the porch and play a game of checkers. They played 2 games of checkers and she won both times (imagine that).

We left there and went to Comers Pumpkin Patch to get some items for our fall display. She helped us pick out some pumpkins and gourds and mums. We found some really unusual gourds. We came back to our house a different way than we usually do so that she could see some Lamas. One of our neighbors has some lamas. We also passed a cemetery. When we passed the cemetery, Breanna said, "everytime I pass a cemetery, I think of my Hawkie." We came on back to our house and fixed the fall decoration.

We asked what she wanted to do then and she decided that she wanted to go to the movie. We went to the 7 pm showing of Game Plan. It was really cute. On the way over there, she made up a little rhyme--"Breanna and nanna, they both say anna".

She spent the night with us and we really enjoyed spending time with her. Before she went to bed, she said her prayers and she told God what to tell Hawk. She did this in private, so I don't know what she told God to tell Hawk. Every night she tells God what to tell Hawk from her. She is a sweet, precious, loving, funny, smart little girl. --------------------------------------------

Kayla and Breanna

-------------------------------

Kayla came on Friday afternoon and spent the afternoon with us. Tuesday came and picked them up and Kayla spent the weekend with Kevin, Tuesday, Breanna and Brooke. She loves to be her little cousins. And they love to be with her. Kayla is a typical teenager--she likes to spend time with her friends, talk on the phone, play on the computer etc. she makes very good grades. Breanna makes all A's on her report card. Kayla told Breanna what I've been telling her since she was a little girl "Make good grades, go to college, get an education, and get a good job." I thought it was cute for her to tell her that that's what I've been telling her all of these years.

2007-10-11T22:45:00.000-05:00

Twelve years ago we moved a mile up the road to our present home. We still own the other house, we rent it out. Anyway, today we saw the woman who lived across the road from us at the other house (1 mile down the road). We found out that her 7 year old grandson has a brain tumor. He has had 3 surgeries and is now taking chemotherapy. He has lost his sight and is blind because of the tumor. The people who live across from us now had a grandson who passed away 2 yrs ago because of cancer. He was 2 when they found it and lived 6 years with it. And we have lost our grandson to cancer. What are the odds of 3 families who live within 1 mile of each other having grandsons who have had or have cancer??? One family lives across the road from us now and one family lived across from us at the other house. Also the grandson of the family across the street who passed away 2 yrs ago and our grandson, Hawk went to the same church where we attend. What are the odds of 3 families who live within 1 mile of each other having grandsons who have had or have cancer???

2007-10-11T17:39:00.001-05:00

Edith, Carol, and Linda

Linda, Edith and Me

---------------------------------------On Saturday, September 29, 2007, we all met at Carol's daughter (Karen's) house in Columbia. It had been about 38 years since we had seen each other. We were best friends when we were growing up in St. Joseph, Tn.(a very small town in Lawrence County). We went to school with each other from 1st grade through high school. And we were best friends all of those years.

About 3 years ago, I was thinking that I would really like to contact Edith. I went on the internet and tried to find her, but to no avail. Anyway, after several weeks of trying, Edith sent me a Christmas card. First time ever since we had lost contact that she had sent me a Christmas card. Anyway, we started e-mailing each other. She had Carol's e-mail, so I got that from her and started e-mailing Carol. Another friend of ours from high school was e-mailing all of us. Anyway, Linda asked him to e-mail us and see if she could have our e-mail addresses. Of course, we all immediately e-mailed her and we've all been e-mailing ever since.

Then we decided that we wanted to get together. So we finally decided on a day and a place. I got to Karen's house first. Linda, Carol and Edith were riding together. I called Carol's cell phone and she called me back. This was the first time that I had spoken to her in almost 40 yrs. She said that they would be there in a few minutes. I looked up and saw this white car coming toward me and there were two women in the front and one in the back and they were all waving and grinning. They parked and we all got out and were together again after so many years. We hugged and went in the house.

When we first started talking about a reunion, I thought--what if we don't have anything to talk about after all these years---well I didn't have to worry about that. We talked and talked. Then we went to a neat little restaurant in Columbia and ate lunch and talked and talked. We came back to Karen's and talked and talked.We talked about all of the pj parties we used to have. All the trips to Florence, Ala. we used to take. The time that my parents let us take all of the furniture out of the living room and have a luau.The club that we started called, The Debutants. Everyone wanted to be a member of that club. And we talked about the things that had happened in our lives in the last 37 years. We were together for about 7 hours and to me it was like 37 years had not gone by. I was so thrilled to see them again. I never dreamed that the four of us would be together again after all of these years. Anyway, we are still e-mailing and planning our next get-together. We don't ever want to let all those years go by again without seeing each other.

--------------------------------------------------

Edith and I and my sister, Wanda,all went to Draughon's Business college together after high school and shared an apartment in Nashville. I lost touch with Edith after that. She moved to Florence, Ala. and worked at Reynolds.She retired from there and they were bought out by Wise Alloys LLC. She works for Wise Alloys now in the accounting dept. She has been at the same location for 39 years. She married Chris Cabaniss and they have 2 grown children, a son and a daughter.

-----------------------------------------------------

Carol went on to college and taught 6th grade in Lawrence County. She married Royce Neidert and they have 2 grown daughters. She retired this year from teaching.

-----------------------------------------------------

Linda married and divorced Terry Talley (deceased). She has 1 daughter and 2 grandchildren. She had enough credits in the 11th grade and passed the SAT test that she skipped the 12th grade and went on to college. She designs clothes and jewelry and has worked in the music industry and is now the fashion stylist to a country music star. She lives in St. Joe and commutes to Nashville and stays in Nashville 3 days a week.

--------------------------------------------------------

I graduated high school and went to Draughon's Business College in Nashville. At 18, I married my childhood sweetheart, Mike Smith and at 19 I had our first son, at 20 I had our second son and at 24 I had our third son. I worked for the State of Tennessee during some of that, but after the birth of Jamie (our third son), we decided that it was too much to try to work with 3 children. I stayed at home with them and did part-time work, sold avon, sold tupperware, babysat. Mike worked with UPS. He retired in January after 37 years with them. All of my family is on this blog.

------------------------------------------------
Linda, Carol, Edith and I e-mail each other constantly now and I can't wait to see them again and to continue our friendship.

2007-10-01T21:32:00.000-05:00

This is in memory of Hawk and in honor of Breanna.

----------

One day Breanna was going through the toybox and she found these figurines. She got them out of the toybox and put them beside each other and she said that this was her and Hawk and that it was a memory of them. I guess that the girl one was the only one she found that had long curly hair like her and this is the only little boy figure we have. I thought that was so sweet of her to do that. I know she misses Hawk so much. They were so close. Anyway, I have these sitting on top of the piano and I plan to keep them there for a long time. God bless you, Breanna. I know you miss your little cousin, Hawk. You are a loving, caring, precious little girl and I am proud to be your grandmother.

Breanna got her first report card in first grade and she made all A's. Her teacher wrote on her report card that she was hard working and had a great personality and was a very good student. She is a very funny, sweet little girl.

2007-09-26T23:21:00.000-05:00

Skyla Sno.

I picked Skyla up at daycare today and we kept her until about 7:00. She is so cute. She likes to swing and slide and swing on the tire swing. She talks all the time. Mike pushed her in the stroller down to our neighbor's house. They have 5 zebras now and one baby zebra. The grandbabies love to go down there and see the zebras, and especially the baby zebra.

When I got to her daycare, she ran to me and was so excited to see me. She ran to me and said, "Nannie!!" That's what Hawk used to do. She is so much like him. It is still hard to believe that he is gone. Some days are so painful. I don't know if we'll ever have peace with it. We miss him so much.

2007-09-26T10:46:00.000-05:00

Mike and I in front of the old Shoals theater in Florence Ala.

-----------------------------------------

Mother and Daddy used to take us to this theater when we were little. I remember that my sister, Wanda and I would sit in the seats right in front of mother and daddy. Daddy would put his hands over our eyes when the cartoon would come on and pretend that he wasn't going to let us see the cartoons. This is where I first saw the movie-Gone With The Wind. I must have been very little-the only scene that I remembered was when the little girl fell off of the pony. Later, when I was a teenager, my friend Linda Hill and I went to the same theater to see Gone With The Wind again, and when I saw that scene, then I remembered that that was the movie that I had seen as a little girl.

-----------------------------------------

Frances and I in front of the fountain in the park in Florence, Ala.

----------------------------------------

Mike and I and our good friends, Charlie and Fran Parson took a trip to Lawrence County, Tn and Florence Ala. We left Friday morning and came back on Sunday afternoon. Mike has family down there and we usually go and spend the night and come right back. Charlie and Fran have heard us talk about Lawrence County so much that they wanted to go down there and see it and I wanted to go back an relive old memories. So Mike and I went as tourist this time. Both of us were raised up there. He in Loretto, Tn and I in St. Joseph, Tn., but it had been a long time since I had been back to some parts of St. Joe. My parents moved from there about 20 yrs ago and now they have both passed away.

We got down there on Friday morning and stopped at Ethridge and got a map of the Amish community. We drove out to the Amish community and saw some of their houses and their school house. We stopped an bought some molasses and some baskets. The baskets are beautiful and very inexpensive.

When we left there, we drove to Loretto and stopped at Riley's restaurant and ate catfish--very good. Then we went on to St. Joe. We drove by a lot of places that I have good memories of. The first house my parents lived in (where they lived when I and my sister were born). But some of the houses on that street are boarded up and look pitiful. One of the houses that I remember very well was where the Farris's lived. It was a large beautiful home, but now it is boarded up. We spent a lot of time with their two oldest sons, Donnie and Ray. It was at their house that I fell and broke my arm. I was five. Ray was riding his tricycle and we had a wagon tied to the back and I was in the wagon. We were going around and around on their porch and the wagon fell off and I broke my arm. One Christmas we went to their house and Santa Clause was there. We were all in the living room and he came walking down the stairs. Now all of them are gone except Donnie.

From there we drove on out to Mt. Nebo. We drove by the house that we lived in when I was in the second grade. Mike and his family lived next door to us then. We drove by Mike's grandparents old home and by the cemetery where some of our relatives are buried. We drove by where my childhood friend, Edith Wilcoxson (Cabaniss) lived. The house is no longer there.

From there we came back to St. Joe and drove by the old elementary school (it is all grown up and looks pitiful), drove through St. Joe. Drove by where my childhood friend, Linda Hill (Talley) lived, by where the old Church of Christ was, by where my childhood friend, Carol Jackson (Neidert) lived, drove by where my grandparents lived. Then drove on up to where my family lived in the rock house in St. Joe. We lived close to a grocery store and my sister and I would walk to the store and get cold drinks and candy and comic books and on Friday our dad would come by there and pay the bill. My mother had a beauty shop in the back of that house. It was fun for my friends and I to have a beauty shop in my house.

That house burned down earlier this year, so it is no longer there. I dream of that house sometimes.

We left there and drove to Florence, Ala. My dad worked in Florence at the Wilson Dam. We always did everything in Florence. Mother would take us shopping there and we would go to Sears and on the way back, we would stop at a little restaurant called Pig and Poke. I couldn't find the old Sears store and the restaurant is something else now. On Fridays we would pick my Dad up at work and we would go to a drive-in movie and out to eat. And sometimes they would take us to the theater in Florence. I found the old shoals theater and the park that is across the street from there. We drove out the Wilson Dam. We spent the night in Florence.

The next morning we drove back to St. Joe and went to the park. My children have a lot of good memories of my mother and dad taking them to the park and letting them swim in the creek and throw rocks in the creek. Our boys carved their names on a tree there when they were little.

We drove by the Catholic church in St. Joe. Someone suggested that because it is so old and has beautiful stained glass windows. We left there and drove out in the country where my Uncle Clifton(deceased) and my Aunt Frances Grigsby (she is in assisted living now) used to live and then drove out to where my Uncle Jr and Aunt Letha Grigsby (both deceased) used to live. They lived in the same house and raised their family there all of their lives. The house sits at the end of a dead end gravel road. Anyway, their children still own the house and go out there a lot. I spent a lot of my childhood at their house. Bobby, Carolyn, Sheila and I would build playhouses in the woods. I remember once Dan found an old steering wheel attached to a long pipe. We stacked up blocks and put boards across them and propped the steering wheel up in front and we pretended that we had a car. We had a lot of fun pretending to travel in that car. Anyway, we drove out to their house and Dan and his wife Ann and his sister Carolyn and her husband, Ronnie were there. They had their campers and were spending the weekend out there. It was great getting to see all of them. Their sister, Bobby, who is my age, passed away in 2001. We spent a lot of our childhood together. I hated to see her have to go. I have a lot of wonderful memories of staying at their house.

After we left there we drove on up to Loretto and spent the rest of Saturday with Mike's family. We toured Loretto and saw Mike's old elementary school. It has been kept up better than my old school and saw the high school that we both attended, but it looks entirely different. Mike's dad and step-mom rode around with us and he told Charlie and Fran a lot about that area. We all went up to Lawrenceburg and ate supper that night. Mike's brother, Sammy and his wife, Debbie joined all of us for supper. Mike and I and Charlie and Fran spent the night in Lawrenceburg. Mike and I have been gone from Lawrence County for 38 years. We have gone back every month since then to visit family. But we would go to their houses and spend all of our time with them and then go straight back home. This is the first time in my life ( I am 57) that I have ever spent the night in a motel in Lawrence County. We've always stayed with family.

These are pictures of a beautiful rainbow taken on Monday afternoon looking out from my front yard.

2007-09-12T17:58:00.000-05:00

These pictures were taken during our recent trip to Boone, NC with our good friends, Charlie and Frances Parson. We went up there in August for about 4 days. It was so hot and dry here, so we decided to go somewhere that was not so hot. It was in the 80's there. We really enjoyed being away from the heat for a few days.

The mile high swinging bridge at Grandfather Mountain, Boone, NC

Me, Fran, and Charlie standing in front of Mast General Store, the oldest store in N.C.

Frances, Me and Mike at Blowing Rock, N.C.
Me and Mike----Fran and Charlie at Blowing Rock, N.C.

Charlie and Mike at Grandfather Mountain

These pictures were taken on our trip in June to Florida. This Larry, a good friend of Fran and Charlie's, with me, Mike and Charlie. We stayed with Larry for 3 days in Jacksonville on our way to New Smyrna Beach, Fla.

These are Fran and Charlie good friends with Mike and me---Ged and Joan. This was taken in New Smyrna, Fla. They came and stayed 2 days with all of us. We really had a good time.

If the Good Lord's willing, Fran and Charlie and Mike and I and our son, Chris and his wife, Wanda are planning on going to North Myrtle Beach, S.C. the first week of November. Charlie and Fran and Mike and I each have a time-share there. My sister , Wanda and her husband, Warren live in Myrtle Beach, S.C., so we will be visiting with them also.

And, if the good Lord's willing, Fran and Charlie and Mike and I are planning a trip out west next spring. We plan on driving and taking our time and seeing the Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon, Los Vegas, San Francisco, the redwood forest, some of Route 66 and I guess just wherever we decide to go.

2007-09-11T23:49:00.000-05:00

Skyla pushing Brooke in the swing

Brooke in the backyard, waiting to swing Skyla in the swing.

Skyla in the swing. She and Brooke spent the night with us on Friday.

Brooke and Skyla. They spent the night on Friday night. We usually get them one day a week. The are so cute together. They bring so much joy to our life. They are so cute and fun.

Brooke pushing Skyla in the swing. We are so blessed to have our grandchildren. Brooke is 3 and Skyla will be 3 on 9/18/07. They both say and do the cutest things. I look forward to seeing them every week. We can't get Breanna during the week because she goes to school. She is in the first grade. Tuesday sent us some of her school work and she made 100 on all of her papers. She is a sweet little girl.

Kayla and Breanna. Both of them are doing very well in school. Breanna was baptized last Sunday at Defeated Creek. She will be 7 on 10/10/07. It was a very nice service. About 8 people were baptized. Kevin said the prayer before Breanna was baptized.

Kayla is saving money for her 8th grade trip next spring to Chicago. She is coming next weekend to spend the weekend with us. They are all growing up so fast.

2007-09-11T23:29:00.000-05:00

To Hawk,
I miss you Hawk. I would love to see your little face again and hear your voice.
You were a very wonderful gift to our family.
Time goes by so fast. Your five years went by like a flash. I'll never forget you. Sometimes the days are so hard. Your Dad called on your earthly birthday (8/31). It was a hard day for him and he needed someone to just listen. I'm glad that I could be there for him. I'm sure it was a hard day for everyone. It would have been your 6th birthday here, but you went to your eternal home on Feb. 4. I miss you, our precious little grandson. I am so glad that I was so blessed to have been your grandmother. All of us miss you so much.
I love you and miss you,
Love Nannie Gwen

2007-07-17T20:24:00.000-05:00

MORE MEMORIES OF HAWK (2001-2007)

These were made at our house during the summer of 2006.

This one was made in our pasture beside the house. Hawk loved to go over there and go to the pond and throw rocks in the little creek. He called it an adventure to to over there with Mike.

The following is a special note for Hawk and all of the children who have gone on to Heaven because of this terrible disease. I got it off of JJ's site: www.icouldbeyourchild.org. I changed it from her to he.

Hawk definitely fulfilled his mission here on earth. From day one, he was a happy, loving child. He brought a lot of people together. And a lot of people renewed their faith in God because of him. The sanctuary at our church holds about 1,000 people and it was almost full at Hawk's Celebration of Life. He touched a lot of lives in his short 5 years here.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE BRAVE LITTLE SOUL: FOR HAWK AND ALL OF THE CHILDREN

----------------------------

Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however the little soul was sad, for on this day he saw suffering in the world. He approached God and sadly asked, “Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?”

--------------------------------

God paused for a moment and replied, "Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people’s hearts.” The little soul was confused. “What do you mean,”he asked.” God replied, “Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone.” The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, “The suffering soul unlocks the love in people’s hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this - it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer - to unlock this love – to create this miracle - for the good of all humanity."

-----------------------------------

Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain himself. With his wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, "I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people’s hearts! I want to create that miracle!" God smiled and said, "You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request.

-----------------------------------

But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you. God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced. In parting, God said, “Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed.”

----------------------------------------

Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God’s strength,he unlocked the goodness and love in people’s hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys – some regained lost faith – many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased. - J. Alessi

2007-07-16T10:34:00.000-05:00

MEMORIES OF HAWK

------------------

All of these pics were taken when Hawk was almost 3 and Breanna was almost 4. Brooke was a few months old.

This one shows off his beautiful eyes. He was always smiling.

Tuesday, Lindy and I had taken them to Opry Mills mall to have their pics taken at Glamour Shots. All of these pics were taken at glamour shots. Lindy was pregnant with Skyla.

Breanna and Brooke taken at the mall in 2004. Brooke is 3 now and Breanna is almost 7 (will be on 10-10-2007).

I made these dresses for them.

Hawk on the motorcycle. Jamie really liked this one.

Precious little Hawk.

After the pics were taken, we took them to Build-a-Bear and let Breanna and Hawk make a puppy. Brooke was too little to make one. Breanna picked out a brown puppy and Hawk pick out a black and white one.

MORE MEMORIES OF HAWK

-----------------------------

Sept 18, 2004

----------------------

Hawk looking at his new baby sister, Skyla Sno. He was 3. This is a precious picture.

It is hard to do this, but I want to make a journal for Jamie and for Skyla. Skyla will not remember her big brother ( she called him bubba), so I want to make a journal for her and for the other grandchildren. I will make copies of this blog and put it in a folder for them. Someday it will mean a lot to them. I need to do this, but we miss him so much, but I'm thankful that we have so many pictures and movies and wonderful memories. It is still hard to think of him as a memory, but that's the way it is now.

This is a precious picture.

Hawk and Breanna in the waiting room waiting for Skyla to be born. Hawk was 3 and Breanna was almost 4. He was always smiling. I had gotten him a shirt that said, "I'm the big brother. " he was wearing it. Brooke had been born in April and I had gotten Breanna a shirt that said. " I'm the big sister."

Jamie holding his little girl. She will be 3 in Sept of this year.

2007-07-13T14:52:00.000-05:00

These are pictures of Breanna's Kindergarten graduation. She will be in 1st grade now!!! Way to go Breanna!!

It was a very cute ceremony. They had the 8th grade ceremony first and then the kindergarten. After the ceremonies, they had a reception for everyone. All of the children got a helium balloon. Breanna went outside and let her's go up for Hawk. Any time she has a helium balloon, she lets it go for Hawk. She wants to know if she'll see all of those balloons in Heaven when she sees Hawk someday. Who knows, maybe she will. I think she will see them.

She and Brooke spent the week with us two weeks ago. We went to Wal-mart one day and bought a balloon and went to Hawk's grave and let it go for him. It went all the way up and completely our of sight.

All of these things are bittersweet. Hawk was supposed to graduate from kindergarten this year also. Even though he and Breanna were a year apart, she started to kindergarten the same year that he did because of when her birthday was. They would have been in the same grade all of the way through school. But that was not meant to be. When we make our plans, we should say: "If it is the Lord's will."

My thinking as of right now: I will not pray for a miracle again. I will pray the Lord's Prayer--Thy Will not mine be done. I will humble myself and pray for God's will to be done and let it go.

We all need prayer, but if anyone is ever praying for me, I want them to pray the Lord's Prayer and go on. A lot of people prayed for Hawk, but it was not God's will for him to stay here. God is all knowing and has infinite wisdom. I have accepted that, but we still grieve and hurt because Hawk is not here. I'm glad that I don't run the world, because it would be in a mess if I did. God's will be done in all things.

Breanna and Brooke spent a few days with us this week. We took them to the Opry Mills Build-A-Bear. We had taken Hawk and Breanna when they were 4 and 3 and they had made a puppy apiece. This time we took Breanna and Brooke. Brooke was with us the first time, but she was only a few months old, so this was her first time to get to make an animal. they both picked out a bunny rabbit. Breanna's is a darker brown and is bigger than Brooke's. They really enjoyed making them and picking out some clothes for them. Breanna named her's Brownie and Brooke named her's Pinky. After we got the bunnies, we took the girls to The Rain Forest for lunch. They really enjoyed that. There is a huge carousel at the Food Court inside the mall, so we let them ride that.

After we got home, we noticed that Breanna's bunny's voice wasn't working anymore, so we got back in the minivan and went back to Opry Mills and got that replaced and they rode the carousel again. Anyway, everything is working fine with their bunnies now.

We plan on getting Skyla one day this week and taking her to Build-A-Bear. Maybe I can get pictures of all of them with their animals.

Breanna has lost 2 teeth, so now Brooke (3) thinks that her teeth will fall out. The other day she looked at Mike and asked him if her teeth were getting loose. And then she wanted to know if his teeth were getting loose. She is so cute. They all are. All of them keep us laughing. They are a joy to have around.

2007-07-13T00:16:00.000-05:00

Kayla and Breanna.

Kayla spent a week with Kevin and Tuesday earlier in the summer. She is coming to our house tomorrow. She's needs to raise $50. for a trip to HolidayWorld. We told her that she could help me clean the house tomorrow and we would give her $30. She already has the other $20 from babysitting. Of course, we will give her the money anyway, but she can help me, so that she can earn it. I can't believe that she is already 13 years old. She is a beautiful little lady.

This blog is part journal and part blog about our family.

Hawk's passing has been so hard on Mike and I. We miss him so much. It is not getting any easier with time. It has been 5 1/2 months since he left. As each month goes by, we realize that we will never hear his little voice or see him or talk to him again during this lifetime. We have movies of him, but it is not the same. WE MISS HIM SO MUCH. I've gone through several stages. I've been very mad, I've been very sad, I've been very depressed. I don't understand a lot of things anymore. I was always a very positive person who kept everyone encouraged. But I'm just not that person right now. And I know that our lives will never be the same. We will enjoy life and we will enjoy our grandchildren, but there will always be something missing.

Our best friends, Charlie and Fran Parson invited us to go to Florida with them in June of this year. At first I didn't want to go, but we decided at the last minute to go. We stayed 3 1/2 days in Jacksonville, Fl. and then a week in New Smyrna Beach, Fl. I am so glad that we went. We had a great time. We laughed a lot. There is nothing like the Ocean to soothe the soul. Mike and Charlie played golf a lot and Fran and I shopped. We had a great time.

When the other grandchildren are here, we have a great time with them and play and laugh with them. They are a bright spot and a joy in our lives. We do not show our sadness in front of them. It is still hard to see Skyla without Hawk. But we don't let her see any of the sadness in us. When she is here, we laugh and play with her.

I haven't written on the blog in a long time, it has been hard to write on it, but I am going to try to continue it for the other grandchildren. This is a great way to keep up with our family. Someday I will be able to look back and read all of the changes we go through. I would never be able to remember all of it without writing it down and this is the easiest way for me.

Kayla, Breanna and Brooke with a large Eagle kite.

Pretty little Skyla with her baby doll. She is a different child now. She is more independent. She is going through stage where she doesn't like to stay away from home when night time gets here. She'll stay all day with us, but when it is time for bed, she wants to go home, so we go and get her and keep her all day and then take her back at bedtime.

I had this picture and the following saying matted and framed in memory of our precious little Hawk:
---------------------------------------

One thing I know is true,
Nothing is harder than missing you.
If Love could have saved you,
You would have lived forever.
----------------------------------------

Of course we know that he will live forever because of Love. But if Love could have saved him here, He would have stayed with us longer.

I don't know about other parents and grandparents who have lost a child or grandchild, but I have a need to tell everyone about Hawk. I find myself telling perfect strangers about him and that he left us in February. I tell store clerks and my doctors and everyone. I feel a need to tell people about how precious he was and that he left us in February. I've learned a lot about all of this. In the past, if I knew someone who had lost a child or someone close to them, sometimes I wouldn't know what to say, but now I understand that they may just to need talk about that person and they just need someone to listen. People tell me that they don't bring his name up because they are afraid that it will cause us to get emotional, but I like to talk about him. He will always be a huge part of our lives. Just because he's not here physically, doesn't mean that's he's not with us. He left us with incredible memories and hearts running over with Love. And I guess that I just have a need to tell people about him. We will continue on with our lives and we will take him with us. We Love You Hawk.

2007-03-17T09:24:00.000-05:00

March 10, 2007

Breanna and Brooke. They spent the weekend with us. We met them and their Mommy and Daddy at Cracker Barrel. On the way home, Breanna said that she wished somebody would invent a Time Machine someday. I said that she might live to see that. Then she said that if we had a Time Machine, then maybe Hawk could come back. Then she said that he couldn't come back because he was in Heaven. Then she said that we did everything we could for him. Then she started talking about the last time they were together (it was 3 days before he passed away) and they were talking about when Breanna was 6, Hawk was 5 and when Breanna got 7, he would be 6 and on and on. Anyway, Breanna was talking about that and she said that when she got 7, Hawk wouldn't be 6, because he would always be 5. She said that he was in Heaven and couldn't come back, but we could see him someday. We hadn't said anything about him. She just started talking about him. I know she misses him very much. They were very close.

We all miss him very much. Most of the time we are okay, but then we'll look at his picture and start talking about him and it's very hard. We have Skyla this weekend and that's still kind of bittersweet to have her. We enjoy her so much, but there's a bit of sadness because Hawk's not here also.

2007-03-03T11:25:00.000-06:00

Skyla and Brooke: Brooke is staying with us until Monday March 5, 2007. She came on Wednesday. Kevin and Tuesday are in Houston, Texas at an Ameriplan convention. Breanna stayed with friends of theirs so that she can go to school. We went and got Skyla on Wednesday so that she and Brooke could play together. I picked her up at Day care. It was the first time I had picked her up there since Hawk passed away. It was very emotional for me. I cried most of the way home. The first two times we picked her up at her house, it was very hard for Mike and I. We have never had Skyla without Hawk. She is so precious. Anyway, when I got at the house with Skyla, Brooke saw her and naturally thought that Hawk should be with her and Brooke asked, "where's Hawk". We told her that he had went to Heaven. We don't know how much she understands, she's only 2 1/2.

Skyla and Brooke--Skyla was coloring, she wouldn't look at me to take her picture.
Skyla and Brooke playing on the swing set. They were so good with each other. They played so good together. We took Skyla back home on Wednesday night and then picked her up again on Thursday at daycare and she spent the night on Thursday night and spent all day Friday with us. She and Brooke had a great time with each other. We watched a lot of Dora the Explorer. We have that DVD memorized by now. They would hold hands and run through the house. If both of them wanted to do the same thing, they would take turns. Once, Brooke got in the rocker and Skyla wanted in it, so they would take turns with one sitting the rocker and the other one rocking her. On Friday, Mike decided to lay down with them so that they would take a nap. Anyway, I heard a lot of giggling coming from the bedroom. I went in there and Mike was almost asleep and the two little girls were laughing and playing. So I got them and took them in the living room with me and Mike took a nap. Skyla stayed until Friday evening and then she went to stay with Jamie for the weekend. I decided that Skyla is the closest child to Hawk. She has the same parents and the same grandparents. So when I kiss her face, it is the closest thing to kissing Hawk. We can love her and Hawk at the same time.

2007-02-23T15:12:00.000-06:00

Breanna (6 years old)

She and Hawk were so close. She and Brooke are the only first cousins that Hawk had. He and Breanna are only 1 year apart.

Here are some of the ways that she is dealing with the loss of Hawk: every night she tells God the things that she wants Hawk to know about her day. She tells God to tell Hawk about things she is doing in school, and things she has done at home that day, etc.

The other day, Tuesday bought some helium balloons for Breanna and Brooke for Valentine day, and she noticed that they were gone. Breanna had taken them outside and let them go up to Heaven for Hawk. Every time that Tuesday or Kevin takes Breanna to wal-mart, she buys a balloon to send up to Hawk. She asked them if she will be able to see all of the balloons that she has sent to Hawk when she gets to Heaven.

Some days she tells them that she wonders what Hawk is doing in Heaven on that day.

We all miss him so much. I will never take his pictures down, but some times it's hard to look at them. I look at them and know that we'll never take another picture of him. He will always be 5 years old. I look at his picture and it makes me miss him so much. We cannot grieve 24/7, but sometimes it is almost unbearable.

1 THESSALONIANS 4:13-14 NIV
"Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope-----

We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him"

-------------------------------------------------------

We will see Hawk again. I know this because God promises it and I believe what He promises. And I am happy for Hawk, because he is experiencing what we can only dream about.

I look at Hawk's picture every night and tell him that I love him and this seems to help a little.

2007-02-21T16:35:00.000-06:00

This is the song that was written for Hawk by Ms. Marilyn Willoughby, a teacher at Watertown Elementary School. It was sung by the 4th, 5th, and 6th grade students at the benefit given for Hawk in Feb. 2006. It was sung again by the students of watertown elementary at the funeral for Hawk on February 6, 2007. The last 2 lines were added for the funeral.

A SONG FOR HAWK

" Caring and giving to somebody else

Not just caring and thinking all about yourself..

Reaching out to others is important to do.

As we all know this could be me or you.

--------------------------------------------------

We believe in miracles and the healing of God's hand.

We believe in miracles and united we'll stand.

And we'll hope, and believe, and pray every day

That this illness from Hawk, will be taken away.

-----------------------------------------------------

So for Hawk, we sang and we danced and we played

And we want him to know, that we have all prayed

For strength and for guidance for his family

And a miracle is what we want to see.

-------------------------------------------------

We believe in miracles and the healing of God's hand.

We believe in miracles and united we'll stand.

And we'll hope and believe, and pray every day

That this illness from Hawk, will be taken away.

-------------------------------------------------------

Yes we'll hope and believe and pray every day.

Now this illness from Hawk has been taken away."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2007-02-15T11:35:00.000-06:00

Wanda and Warren’s memories and pictures of Hawk --

Warren and I want to share some of our memories and pictures of Hawk. He was a special little boy. He loved life so much and was always full of energy. Gwen has said that he was up early every morning and said if the sun was up it was time to get up. Every time we saw him, except when he was sick, he was playing outside, playing inside, playing on the computer or busy doing something. Mike and Gwen were with him at the end. I talked to both of them a couple of times that evening. Mike told me that he thought Hawk must have known he wouldn’t be here long so he tried to cram everything he could in. He loved his family and we all loved him.

Everyone was very excited when Hawk was born. He was Jamie’s first child and Gwen and Mike’s first grandson. He was named James Hawk for his two great-grandfather Smith’s, his PaPa Mike and of course Jamie. The name Hawk came from Daddy’s Cherokee Indian heritage. He was a special boy with a special name. He was a beautiful little boy with big blue eyes and a big smile.

Mother with Hawk when he was a newborn.

Mother, me holding Hawk

Warren and I don’t see the children much since we don’t live close to them so we didn’t see a lot of Hawk but every time we visited family in Tennessee, we saw him and spent time

with him. We probably saw more of him the first two years of his life because Mother was still alive and in a nursing home and we tried to see her as much as possible. I remember one time visiting Mother at the nursing home and Gwen had brought Hawk and Breanna to see Mother. Mother always loved when Gwen brought them to see her. Hawk was just a baby and I took care of him that day. He was a good little baby and so cute and sweet.

Here are some of my earlier pictures of Hawk from my collection :

Me and Hawk

A closeup of Hawk. He was a beautiful little boy. He was a little over 1 year old in this picture.

Gwen and Hawk. Some of these pictures were made at Breanna's 2nd birthday party.

Me and Hawk

Gwen, Breanna, Hawk and Kayla

Breanna, Kayla, Mike and Hawk

Breanna, Mother, Kayla and Hawk

I'm not sure when this was made but it might have been in 2004

I’ll never forget the message on our answering machine from Gwen when Hawk was diagnosed with Pontine Glioma. We had just returned from a trip to Las Vegas and saw messages on the machine. Gwen said that Hawk was very sick and left a phone number to call. I immediately called her and got the bad news. There were lots of tears that day. I got on the internet and researched Pontine Glioma and the news was very bad. Most children didn’t survive past 6 months or a year after being diagnosed but we were praying that Hawk would be the exception and beat all the statistics.

Warren and I started making plans to go to Tennessee and see Hawk. In late December 2005 we flew there and Hawk wasn’t feeling very well at all. He was on steroids and they made him feel really bad. He mostly lay on the couch and watched cartoons or slept. He always wanted one of his blankets on him. He didn’t like anyone but his close family and mostly Mike being close to him or talking to him so we honored that. Every once in a while he would say something to us. We just felt really bad for him. Everyone was sad and shocked at what was happening to him.

These are pictures made in December 2005 when we went to Tennessee:

Chris, Mike, Hawk and Skyla

Gwen holding Hawk

Mike and Hawk

I kept in touch with Gwen several times a week to check on Hawk and we went back to Tennessee in late January 2006 to see him (and everyone else) again. He was feeling much better then than when we had seen him a month before. He was playing and had lots of energy. We went outside with him and Warren swung him on the swing set in the back yard. Then he wanted to ride his battery operated 4-wheeler and would pretend he was going to run over Warren. Warren would stand still like Hawk was going to hit him and then move out of his way. I took pictures and a movie for Gwen. Then Hawk wanted to go back in the house so we took him back inside. Brooke and Skyla were there also. Hawk and Warren played for a long time inside throwing a balloon back and forth to each other. He loved to play. When Mike got home from work Hawk wanted to go outside again and ride some more. Mike pushed Skyla in one of the push toys and Brooke and Hawk rode the 4-wheelers. We were glad to see Hawk feeling so much better.

Some pictures from our January 2006 trip:

Me, Tuesday, Gwen, Hawk and Skyla.

Hawk in his Blues Clues chair with one of his favorite blankets over him

Hawk on his 4-wheeler pretending to run into Warren

Mike with Skyla and Hawk

Hawk, Brooke and Warren. This is when Warren and Hawk were playing with the balloon but you can't see the balloon. :-)

Mike pushing Skyla in her push toy and Hawk riding his 4-wheeler

Warren and Hawk

We didn’t see Hawk again until late October of 2006. I was scheduled for hip replacement surgery in November so we decided to go to West Virginia to visit Warren’s sister Debbi and her family and then go on to Tennessee to visit with Gwen and Mike. We didn’t know when we would be able to travel again after my surgery. So we drove to West Virginia and visited there and then we drove to Tennessee and spent a couple of days there. Hawk and Skyla spent one day while we were there. Hawk was feeling great and was so full of energy. Warren was sitting in the rocking chair and Hawk got cushions and put them on Warren’s legs and put the small couch Gwen bought for the kids at the bottom of Warren’s feet and then Hawk would climb over the arm of the chair and do flips down the pillows and onto the couch. He did that several times. One time the adults were in the kitchen and we looked in the living room and Hawk and Skyla were sitting in the little couch watching tv. It looked so cute to see them sitting there together.

Hawk and Skyla on the couch

Every time I would call Gwen she would say that Hawk was feeling good and looked great. He was eating great and had actually gained some weight. He was always a small little boy for his age. We were beginning to believe that he was beating the tumor since he was doing so well.

We were shocked to hear in late January of this year (2007) that the symptoms of the brain tumor were coming back. Gwen told me that Hawk’s eye had started turning in and then he got double vision. Everyone was hoping that Hawk’s condition would stay at that point but it wasn’t to be and he just kept getting worse; losing use of his leg and his arm. He just kept getting worse and we started talking about going back to Tennessee to see him but we didn’t get to see him alive again. I did talk to him twice on the phone and he told me that he loved me. Usually he wouldn’t talk to me on the phone; like the other kids, but the last two times I called Gwen when he was at her house, he did come to the phone and say “I love you. Bye.” One of the times Gwen had already hung up and he told her to call back and he told Warren he loved him and then told me he loved me. He was a sweet little boy and he is greatly missed by everyone in his family.

Aunt Wanda and Uncle Warren Parker

2007-02-09T06:03:00.000-06:00

THE LAST TWO WEEKS OF HAWK'S JOURNEY ON EARTH:

January 18, 2007

Hawk was on Channel 4 today with Make-A-Wish-Foundation. All of this month, channel 4 is featuring some of the children who have been helped by Make-A-Wish-Foundation. We thought he did a great job and was so cute!!! But I guess we are a little prejudiced.The other day when Hawk and Skyla were here spending the night, Hawk and I were in the kitchen playing a game on the computer and Mike and Skyla were in the living room watching cartoons. Anyway, all of a sudden, Skyla came into the kitchen and said to Hawk, "I love you, Bubba." and Hawk said "I love you too." They are so cute. They tell each other and all of us that they love us all the time. Skyla calls Hawk "Bubba". That is Jamie's nickname also.

SEE POST LABELED JANUARY 21, 2007

WEDNESDAY JANUARY 24, 2007:

Lindy called and said that Hawk was walking different as if he had an inner ear infection. I thought how can that be. He was walking great on Sunday when he was here.

FRIDAY JANUARY 26, 2007:

We decided to take Hawk on a ride on the Music City Star commuter train. It was Mike and I, Kayla, Mike's mom: Cathy Waddle and her husband Derald and Hawk. We got on the train in Lebanon. Jamie got on in Hermitage. Hawk was excited to see him. We noticed that Hawk was walking different. We had been noticing changes like his eye turning in, but had been hopeful that he would stay well. But after seeing him on Friday, we knew that he was taking a turn for the worse. We had no idea how fast it would be. He loved the train ride. When we got into Nashville, Mike and Kayla walked downtown to get something to eat. Mike asked Hawk if he wanted to go and Mike would carry him, but he wanted to stay with his Daddy. On the ride down there and back, Kayla, Hawk and Jamie sat in the upper row of seats. Jamie and Hawk got off at the Hermitage stop. Jamie and Hawk drove on into Lebanon and picked up Skyla and Hawk and Skyla spent Friday night and Saturday with Jamie. Jamie and Leah took the children to the park on Saturday. They had a good time with their Daddy and Leah.

This picture was taken on Saturday January 27, 2007 at Leah's house. Leah takes such great pictures of them.

SUNDAY JANUARY 28, 2007:

Mike went to church on Sunday. Kayla and I stayed at home. I was thinking that we would go and get Hawk and Skyla after church. Anyway, Mike drove up after church and he had Hawk and Skyla with him. I am surprised that Hawk went to church that day, he was already limping very bad because of his left leg. Anyway, after Sunday class, Hawk hobbled into Mike's class and ran into Mike's arms. He insisted on coming home with Mike, even though his Dad was supposed to pick him up later and bring him over. I was so glad to see them. Kayla was still here. She played with the babies all day. We took her home later in the day. Hawk and Skyla wanted to spend the night. It was a huge difference in the way he was walking from Friday until Sunday. We felt so sorry for him. He could hardly walk. His left foot had turned in and when he would try to walk he would stumble and fall. I held him and told him that I was sorry that this was happening to him, and I told him that it was because of the boo-boo in his head. I wanted him to know that something was causing all of this. Hawk wanted to go downstairs and play in the playroom. Mike had to carry him down the steps. Hawk said, "Pa Pa, I'm walking different." This just broke Mike's heart. I had called everyone and told them that Hawk was getting worse by the day. Our son, Chris and his wife Wanda came over on Sunday night to see Hawk. Hawk crawled up in Chris's lap and said, "I love Uncle Chris, he knows everything. " Chris said that he would never forget this. I told Chris that this was Hawk's gift to him. They were shocked at the difference in Hawk from a week before. It was very sad to watch all these changes in him.

MONDAY JANUARY 29, 2007:

By Monday morning, Hawk realized that he wasn't going to be able to walk right again. He crawled up into Mike's lap and said, "Pa, I don't feel good. I don't walk right. I want to call my Mommy or Daddy." I tried to call Lindy, but she had went into school to put in her request for a leave of absence. Mike and I were crying, it was so hard to see all of this happening to him. I called Jamie and he said that he would be right there. He came and stayed most of the day with Hawk. By Monday morning, Hawk had started drooling really bad and was having a little difficulty with chewing and swallowing his food. He said, "Nannie, I can't open my mouth right. It's the boo-boo in my head." After Jamie left, Michael Drake (a close friend of Jamie) came by and brought the baked chicken from Wal-Mart. Hawk loves that chicken. He and Skyla ate a lot of the chicken. Michael stayed a long time with us and played with Hawk and Skyla. Hawk compensated for not being able to walk and played on the floor pretending to be a puppie with a broken leg or he would play with his cars and trucks and motorcycles. Hawk and Skyla went home on Monday night.

WEDNESDAY JANUARY 31, 2007:

Hawk came over to our house at around 10:30. Nannie Cathy and Derald called and wanted to come over and bring their maltese puppies (snowball and missy mae) over to play with Hawk. He had a ball with the dogs. He played on the floor with them for a long time. He still felt like playing, but he was just playing on the floor. Later in the day, I picked up Breanna and Brooke and brought them over. They stayed Wednesday and Thursday. Our good friends, Charlie and Frances Parson came over on Wednesday night to see Hawk. They brought coloring books for Hawk, Breanna and Brooke. For some reason Hawk got very frustrated trying to color, he was having double vision by now, so maybe that was the reason. Anyway, I picked him up and held him and he went to sleep on my shoulder. he slept for awhile and when Mike tried to get him to lay him down, he woke up and wanted to stay awake. Charlie and Frances had brought a motorcycle for Hawk to play with. They played with him for a long time with the motorcycle. He had a great time with that. We had made a tent in the living room for the children to play in. Hawk was getting tired, so he crawled into the tent and told us that he wanted to be alone. He fell asleep in the tent. We put Breanna and Brooke to bed, and Mike slept on one couch and I slept on the other one to be close to Hawk. Later in the night Mike got up and tried to put Hawk into bed, but Hawk woke up and wanted Mike to sleep on the floor with him and pretend that they were camping out (we had a fire in the fireplace insert).

SEE POST DATED THURSDAY, FEBRUARY, 1, 2007

An update to the post on Thursday February 1, 2007: Hawk decided that he wanted some chicken mcnuggets, so Breanna and I went to McDonalds to get them and Hawk and Brooke stayed with Mike. Anyway, on the way back I called the house and Hawk wanted to talk to Breanna. She asked him if he wanted to talk to her imaginary friend and she started talking to him. I really couldn't hear everything she was saying, but Mike said that Hawk was getting so tickled at her. Hawk said, "Breanna, you're funny. I love you." Mike said that Hawk was laughing so hard. I guess that's the last time that he laughed like that.

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 3, 2007

Mike went to his mom's to help them with wallpapering the bathroom. I went over to see how Hawk was doing. I was shocked at the difference in him in just 2 days. He had started having severe headaches on Friday night and difficulty swallowing. Hospice had started him on morphine and another medication for his anxiety. He had become very irritated that morning because he still wanted to play and his body wouldn' t let him. So he was given a medication to calm him and the morphine for the severe headaches. By the time I got over there he was barely whispering. Anyway, I held him and he said in a whisper, "I love you Nannie." This was the last thing he said to me. I told him that I loved him also. I called Mike and told him that he needed to come over. He came over and held Hawk and told him that he loved him "36". Hawk would tell us that he loved us "36". This was a lot because 36 was a big number for him. He whispered to Mike that he loved him "36". This was the last thing he said to Mike. At this point, we thought that he might be able to come over to the house the next day. Mike's Dad and step-mother, Jim and Jane Smith and Mike's brother and sister-in-law, Sammie and Debbie Smith were coming up from Lawrence County to see Hawk and our sons and families were coming over. My sister and brother-in-law, Wanda and Warren Parker were planning on flying in on the next weekend from Myrtle Beach, S.C. to see Hawk. I went home on Saturday night and made a huge pot of beef stew and 2 cakes for our company the next day.

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 4, 2007:

We got up and realized that Hawk would not be able to come to our house. Lindy had called Jamie and he had already gone over to be with Hawk. We waited for our family from Lawrence county to get here. I was having a hard time with this. I called Kevin and family and Chris and Wanda and told them to meet us over at the Mcpeaks, that's where Hawk was. After our family from Lawrence county got here we loaded all of the food that I had prepared and took it over there. When we walked into the bedroom where Hawk was, we knew that this would probably be his last day here. Hawk was lying on the bed with his eyes closed. He was having a really hard time breathing. Jamie was sitting by the bed holding Hawk's hand and crying. This was about 10:30 A.M. The Mcpeaks and Mark and Lindy were there. Our family was: Mike and I, Jamie, Chris, Wanda, PaPa Jim, Nanny Jane, Sammie, Debbie, Kevin, Tuesday, Breanna and Brooke and Skyla. Hawk never regained consciousness. He was on high doses of morphine via morphine pump. Later, Nannie Cathy and Derald and Mike's sister and brother-in-law, Regina and Mike Carr came over. Everyone loved on Hawk and told him how much they loved him and cried. I loved on him all day. I wanted to remember how his little forehead smelled and how it was to kiss his little head. Mike and I and Jamie and our relatives stayed in the room most of the time and loved on him and told him how much we loved him. We could not get enough of being with him. Anyway, later in the afternoon, everyone had left except Mike, Jamie, and I and Mike and Regina, Mcpeaks, Mark, Lindy and Skyla. Anyway late in the evening, Jamie decided to leave--he had to turn in some papers in order to get paid the next day. He intended to come back early the next morning. At this point, we had no idea that he wouldn't live through the night. Mark left, in order to sleep and go to work the next day. Mike and Regina Carr were still there. My sister had called several times to check on Hawk. Judy Roberts (Tuesday's mother in Florida) had called. Around 9:00 P.M, a lady from Hospice came in. Hawk was on morphine and the nurse from Hospice assured us that he was not aware of what was going with him. He was really struggling for breath. She told us that he would not live through the night. I called Jamie, but couldn't get him. He had not slept in three days and Lindy had given him a sleeping pill before he left in order to get some rest. Lindy put Skyla to bed. Mike and I decided that we would not leave. We would sit up in the room with Hawk. Mike got in the bed with Hawk and lay beside him. I sat on the foot of the bed. Ken sat in a chair beside the bed. Barbara and Lindy were exhaused and had layed down. Around 11:20, Mike noticed that Hawk's breathing had changed for the worse. Mike was holding him and talking to him and I was at the foot of the bed when he took his last breath. I had told him a few minutes before that it was alright for him to go to see Jesus. Mike and I had read that when people have a Near Death Experience, they hover over their body for a few minutes. Anyway, Mike said that maybe Hawk's little soul was watching , so Mike looked up at the ceiling and said, " Bye Hawk, we love you baby." I ran in the bedroom and told Lindy that Hawk was leaving. She ran in there, but he was gone by the time she got in there. I called Jamie and told him. Lindy held Hawk and told him bye. She was overwhelmed, so she went back and lay down. We had to wait for Hospice to come out and pronounce him. The lady came from Hospice and pronounced him and took all of the medicines and destroyed them and left. Then Ken called Partlow Funeral Home. Jackie and Jason Partlow came out. They were so nice. When they started to put Hawk on the stretcher, Jackie said that he wasn't going to cover him with the cold sheet (even though Hawk wouldn't know it), but he said that he was going to cover him with his warm blanket and that's what he did. Mike and I stayed with Ken until they took Hawk out of the house. We were told to meet the next day at 1:00 to make arrangements.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY, 5, 2007:

Jamie, Leah, Lindy, Mark, Mcpeaks, Mike and I met with Jason Partlow to make final arrangements. Larry Locke came by to be with all of us. Lindy and Jamie chose a beautiful wooden casket for Hawk. They chose the pall bearers to be Hawk's uncles: Kevin and Chris Smith, Lance McPeak and Jamie decided to help carry his son to his final resting place. I thought this was so sweet. He carried him through life and he carried him to his final resting place.

SEE POST DATED MONDAY FEBRUARY 5, 2007.

TUESDAY FEBRUARY 6, 2007

Mike's brother and sister-in-law (Sammie and Debbie Smith) from Lawrence County arrived at our house early in the morning. Our good friends, Charlie and Frances Parson, had brought a huge platter of ham and potatoe salad and rolls and baked beans for everyone. My sister and brother-in-law from Myrtle Beach, S.C (Wanda and Warren Parker) had flown in the night before. They arrived at the house. Then Chris and Wanda and Jamie and Leah and Mike's neice Melanie and Mike's dad and step-mother, Jim and Jane Smith all arrived. We all went to the church at 2:15 for the family viewing before the public arrived at 3:00. Mike's mom, Cathy and her husband Derald Waddle were there and Kevin and Tuesday and Breanna and Brooke were there.
There were a lot of pictures of Hawk displayed in the foyer. Jamie and Leah and Lindy and Mark went in first to be with Hawk before the rest of us went in. Jamie played "Your are my sunshine " to Hawk on Jamie's great-grandfather Kelly Price's harmonica. Jamie would play that to Hawk a lot while he was growing up. Hawk would play the harmonica also.

Here is a picture of Hawk when he was about 3 yrs old playing the harmonica.

Anyway, Jamie played the harmonica to Hawk and then placed it in the casket with Hawk.

Then all of the rest of the family went in to view Hawk. His little body looked wonderful. He looked so good. Partlow did a wonderful job fixing him up. It was a very emotional moment to see him lying there. He looked like he was asleep. At 3:00 the public started to come in. The church sanctuary holds around 1,000 people. There was a constant line of people from 3:00 til 7:00 P. M. Hundreds and hundreds of people came to see Hawk. One of the men from UPS came in his UPS truck. It was a tractor-trailor with doubles parked in the church parking lot. One of our friends from UPS said that no wonder we were so crazy about Hawk because he was so beautiful and he was. At 7:00 pm we sat down for the funeral. Larry Locke had a wonderful message about Hawk and our memories about him. He read our letter we had written about Hawk--see Post dated Tuesday, February 6.
The children from Hawk's school sang a special song that was written for Hawk. It was very nice.
The church was almost full of people paying their last respects for Hawk.
After the service, everyone left except family. We had one more chance to be with Hawk before they closed the casket.

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 7, 2007.

All of our family who attended the funeral and several friends and relatives attended the graveside service for Hawk. Uncle Chris, Uncle Kevin, Uncle Lance and Hawk's Dad, Jamie carried his casket to the grave. I think that was the hardest part--seeing his little casket sitting there ready to be buried. Larry Locke said some special things from memories we had shared with him about Hawk and read a scripture and said a prayer. Then they lowered Hawks casket into the ground. The men started shoveling dirt into the grave. Jamie went over and shoveled some of the dirt into his son's grave. Hawk's cousin Breanna ( she and Hawk loved each other so much) got as close as she could to his grave and watched everything. Breanna had brought 20 balloons to let rise into the sky. Each one said--We love you Hawk. As all of the children let the balloons go, Aunt Tuesday led them in a song of "Jesus loves me" and "This little light of mine". Tuesday gave a balloon to Lindy to give to Skyla. I had read a book to Hawk and Breanna titled "Someday Heaven". In the book, it described how when Jesus rose to Heaven it was like a balloon rising into the sky. When I read the book to Hawk, he wanted to see a balloon rise up into heaven, so I bought him a helium balloon and let him release it one day and watch it rise up, so I thought it was very special for Breanna to bring the balloons to rise up into Heaven in honor of Hawk.
After the graveside service, all of us returned to the church for a wonderful meal prepared for us. This is a wonderful ministry provided by our church. We were served a wonderful meal and dessert. Thank you so much to Vickie Working, Carolyn Lane and Chris Bradford for serving our family.

We prayed for a miracle for Hawk and we believe that we got a miracle for him. For a child that had brain cancer, Hawk was given a year of incredible energy, and a year of making wonderful memories with all of us. The last two weeks of his life, his little body was experiencing changes, but he kept a wonderful attitude through all of that. He actually had only two bad days. One on Saturday and on Sunday. And on Sunday, the last of his life here, I don't believe he was aware of what his little body was going through.

We love you Hawk. We can't wait to see you again and then it will be for eternity. We will never have to leave you again. Praise The Lord!!!

HAWK'S OBITUARY: I scanned the actual obituary, but it was too little to read. So I have copied it word for word.

James Hawk Smith
Graveside services for Master
Smith will be 11 a.m. on
Wedsneday, Feb. 7, in the
Bethany Cemetery with Dr.
Larry Locke officiating.
Visitation will be Tuesday, Feb.
6, from 3 p.m.-7 p.m. in the
College Hills Church of Christ. A
Celebration of Life for Master
Smith will be held after the visitation
in the College Hills Church of Christ at 7 p.m.
Master Smith 5,
of Lebanon died
Sunday, Feb. 4,
2007, at his home.
He was a kinder-
garten student at
the Watertown
Elementery School and he attended College Hills
Church of Christ.
Survivors include: father,
Jamie (Leah Holt) Smith of
Hermitage; mother, Lindy (Mark)
Taylor of Lebanon; sister, Skyla
Sno Smith of Lebanon; paternal
grandparents, Mike and Gwen
Smith of Lebanon; maternal
grandparents, Ken and Barbara
McPeak of Lebanon; paternal
great-grandparents, Jim(Jane)
Smith, of Loretto, and Cathy and
Derald Waddle, of Lebanon;
uncles, Lance (Julie) McPeak, of
North Carolina, Kevin(Tuesday)
Smith and Chris(Wanda) Smith,
both of Carthage; cousins,
Breanna and Brooke Smith of
Carthage and Kayla Conner, of
Thompson Station.
Active pallbearers will be
family.
In lieu of flowers the family
request contributions may be
made in memory of Hawk to the
College Hills Church of Christ
Children's Ministry. Alive Hospice
or "Make-A-Wish"

2007-02-06T07:24:00.000-06:00

James Hawk Smith

August 31, 2001-February 4, 2007

A LETTER TO HAWK. WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH:

---------------------------------

To our precious little Hawk. We will never forget you, Hawk. We thank the Lord for giving you to us for 5 short years. That was such a huge blessing--if we are never blessed again--that one blessing will be enough for the rest of our lives.

---------------------------

You taught us the true meaning of unconditional Love. You are a beautiful, special little boy. You taught us how to show enthusiasm and excitement for even the smallest things in life.

----------------------

Jesus tells us that unless we become as little children, then we will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I know that Heaven must be a wonderful place if it is made up of little children such as you.

-----------------

I know that all last week, there was excitement and happiness in Heaven as everyone was making preparations for you to come there. There was pain and sorrow here, but there was so much excitement in Heaven. They were ready and waiting with great anticipation for your return Home. I know that when you got there on Sunday night, that you knew exactly where you were, because that was you original home.

------------------

-Thank you so much Hawk for choosing our family to come to 5 years ago. God Bless you-our precious little boy. Now you can run free, and ride you bike and 4-wheeler and play ball and do all the things than you want to do.

----------------

We will never forget you. Your sweet precious smile and your beautiful little voice will be with us until the day we die. We have so many wonderful memories. Our goal now is to live in such a way as to come and see you some day in Heaven. You told us that some day your Daddy would come to see you in Heaven. And I know that if you have your way, we all will because you loved all of us so much.

-----------------

Godspeed precious little Hawk. Heaven is a better place today because you are there. We cannot wait to see you again someday.

With all of our Love,

Pa Pa Mike and Nannie Gwen

------------------

JESUS SAID, "LET THE LITTLE CHILDREN COME TO ME, AND DO NOT HINDER THEM, FOR THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN BELONGS TO SUCH AS THESE."

MATTHEW 19:14

2007-02-05T22:17:00.000-06:00

MONDAY FEBRUARY, 5, 2007

Hawk is in Heaven Today.

Hawk passed away last night at 11.30 P.M. Mike and I were with him when he left to go to Heaven and we stayed with him until the funeral director took him out of the house. This hurts so bad. How do we get through the coming days. I know we'll get through with the Lord's help.

The arrangements are as follows: Visitation tomorrow, Tuesday February 6, 2007 from 3:00 PM until 7:00 PM. Celebration of Life service at 7:00 PM at College Hills Church of Christ, 1401 Leeville Pike, Lebanon, Tn.---Burial at Bethany Cemetery, Lebanon Tn on Wednesday 11:00 AM

I read these words, but it's like it's not Hawk I'm talking about. It's nots right to be talking about Hawk's funeral and Hawk's burial. It is just not right. But I know that the Lord knows more about everything than I do and I'll lean on him, but I don't say it'll be easy to accept it.

Thanks to everyone for all of the prayers. They helped and are still helping our family more than you know.

2007-02-01T16:04:00.000-06:00

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2007

Hawk, Breanna, and Brooke playing with the Moon Sand that Channel 4 gave him when he was on the other day. We put an old table cloth down in the sun room and they played in there with it.

Hawk can't smile anymore, but is still trying to.

He and Breanna and Brooke spent Wednesday and Wednesday night with us. They went home late this afternoon.

Hawk and Brooke in the Jeep. He tried to ride the 4-wheeler, but he couldn't keep his left foot in place, Mike put him in the Jeep and he did fine.

Just 2 weeks ago, he was riding his 4-wheeler and running and playing. We were told from the beginning that this tumor would be very rapid once it started growing again.

How do we get through this. To watch daily what this tumor is doing to Hawk. It is almost more than we can take. To see this beautiful little boy taken away from us. But we know that we have to do it and so does Hawk. But whatever happens, we will be there every step of the way with him. He is so precious. We love him so much. But as much as we love him, I know that God loves him more.

Breanna on the 4-wheeler.

Here they are in their hide-out we made for them in the living room. Later in the evening, Hawk was getting tired and not feeling very well, so he crawled into the hide-out (we put blankets all around so that it was private) Anyway, Hawk crawled into the hide-out and told us that he wanted to be alone. He lay there and went to sleep. We put Breanna and Brooke to bed and decided to let Hawk sleep where he was. I got on one couch in the living room and Mike got on the other one. We had a fire in the fireplace insert and some time in the early morning, Hawk woke up and wanted Mike to get in the floor with him and pretend that they were camping out and had a campfire. So Mike slept on the floor with Hawk in front of the fire.

Hawk and Breanna. She was so good to him. Here he was sitting in the computer chair while I was fixing them some lunch. Breanna went and got a blanket for him and got her a chair and sat beside him. She told him that anything he wanted she would get it for him. She went and got some trucks for him to play with. Then she told him that she would pray for him and she did.

At lunch, they held hands and he said the prayer.

Tomorrow Hawk gets to ride in the pacer car at the Nashville Super Speedway. Hawk gets to ride around the speedway with one of the drivers. We are going and take movies and pictures.

We would give everything we have to stop all of this from happening to Hawk, but we can't do that. We just have to pray for the strength for Hawk and all of us to get through it.

PSALM 23 NIV

1The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever

AMEN

2007-02-01T08:34:00.000-06:00

My thoughts: Last night I thought, what do I pray for now about Hawk. For 13 months I've prayed for Hawk to be healed. Now I am praying for God to give Hawk whatever he needs to get through this. And for strength for all of us to be able bear it all. But I know that Hawk is healed. If we don't see it now, then Hawk will see it in Heaven. He will beat the cancer. It may take his little body, but his little soul will soar to Heaven and he will be free of it. God is good.

Hawk tells us that he is walking different because of the boo-boo in his head. I wonder if everyone in Heaven are getting excited and making preparations for Hawk to come Home.

Before he came to our family, we were excited and made a lot preparations for his arrival. We were so excited about having a little grandson. Jamie said that he had always wanted a son.
Hawk was born premature on August 31, 2001. We were told that his lungs might not be mature and that he might have to be rushed to vanderbilt hospital. But he was fine when he got here. He came into the world with a lot energy, a lot of love for everyone, a lot of enthusiam and curiosity.

He loves to laugh. He gets so tickled about the smallest things. Mike's grandmother (Ma Price)used to say that she would get more tickled at watching Mike laugh about something that she would about what was really going on. And that is the way we are about Hawk. We get more tickled about watching him laugh about something than we do about what it is he laughing about.
He is a beautiful little boy with a unique name--Hawk. He is so loving. He tells all of us everyday how much he loves us. When we go over to get him or when he is brought over here, he will come running and be so excited about seeing us even if its only been a day or two since we have seen him. He loves to come and spend the night with us. And we love to have him and all of the grandchildren. He is just a precious little boy.

He doesn't understand everything that is happening with him now, except he knows that it is being caused because of the boo-boo in his head. But he is compensating. He plays in the floor instead of running and playing. He would always get up by 6:00 or 6:30 and when he got up, he was ready to go. He would get up ready to do everything he could that day. In about 1 hour, he would have already played on the computer, played outside on the batter operated 4-wheeler or jeep, played a video game on tv, etc. He wanted to do as much as he could everyday. With everything we have over here for him and the grandchildren, he would want to do as much as he could for that day. Hawk used to want Mike to put him in the swing and push him and while he was swinging he would want Mike to play horse shoes and Hawk would watch Mike throw horse shoes while he would swing and watch him.

Anyway, Hawk is getting a little worse everyday. His right eye is turned in and this is causing double vision. He is wearing a patch on his eye to help with this. He has paralysis in his left side. This has affected his left leg and left arm. He is still trying to walk a little bit, but has a lot of difficulty with this. He is having headaches everyday, but we give him ibuprofen and this helps. He is wearing pull-ups now and is drooling sometimes, sometimes this is better than other times. But he is still playing and has a very good appetite. He still has quite a bit of energy. He gets a little tired, but will sit in our lap and take a short nap and then he is ready to go again. But he does get frustrated sometimes and then he wants us to hold him and then we hold him and love on him and tell him how much we love him and tell him that we are sorry that all of this is happening to him and we cry and just keep on loving on him.

Just two weeks ago, Hawk was running and playing. But we knew from the very first (Dec. 15, 2005) that if this tumor started growing again that it would be a rapid thing. Hawk has had a year of doing wonderful and we are thankful.

God is good. He did not cause this to happen to Hawk, but he will be there for Hawk and for us and because of Jesus overcoming death on the cross, then Hawk will have the victory over the cancer. Hallelujah!!

2007-01-29T11:44:00.000-06:00

Hawk has taken a turn for the worse. In just a week's time he has gone from walking and playing to hardly being able to walk. I still believe that we received a miracle because of Hawk doing so well for so long, but ultimately it is God's will to be done. Hawk will be healed of the tumor, either in this life or the next. So therefore if he is not healed in this life like we would want him to be, that does not mean that there is anyone in his life who does not believe enough, God did not send the tumor, but he has promised that he will be with us in all trials of life. The tumor is what is causing all of this to happen to Hawk.

Paul prayed for a thorn to be removed from his flesh, but God did not answer that prayer like Paul wanted him to. He said to him, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I know that God loves Hawk. He loves all of us. He loves us so much that he sent his Son to die for each of us. And I know that He only wants the best for Hawk. But we see with human eyes and we do not know the big picture. God may have other plans for Hawk beyond what we can see. Hawk tells us all the time that he wants to go see Jesus. He says that he will miss us, but he wants to go and see Jesus.

We do not like any of this. It is hard for us to watch what this tumor is doing to him. He doesn't understand why he can't walk good all of a sudden. Jamie came in today and Hawk told him that he can't walk right. But he is still playing and having fun. He was on the floor pretending to be a puppy with a broke leg.

His right eye is turning in and he is having double vision. I went to Wal-mart and bought some eye patches for him. This seems to help.

Hawk belongs to God. He was Gods before he was Jamie's and Lindy's son and our grandson.
God wants only the best for Hawk, but what God wants may not be what we want. God made the world and all of us. Every breathe we take comes from him. He is the almighty God. His will not mine be done.

He blessed us with Hawk for five years. I pray that we will seek Him in all of this and that our prayer be that his will be done.

"Our Father who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be Thy name,
Thy Kingdom come
Thy Will be done on earth
as it is in Heaven,
Give us this day our daily bread
Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil
For thine is the Kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever
Amen"

MATTHEW: 6:9-13

His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. May we look to Him and keep our faith and hope in Him.

2007-01-21T15:59:00.000-06:00

January 21, 2007

These were made on Saturday 20, 2007.
Hawk and Brooke with the kitty.
Skyla and Papa in the background.

Hawk and Brooke spent the night on Friday night. Brooke had asked to spend the night and then Hawk wanted to spend the night. Breanna didn't want to spend the night and we thought it would be a little too much to have both of the 2 yrs olds (Brooke and Skyla) on the same night, so Skyla didn't stay all night, but she came over the next day and spent the day with Hawk and Brooke. Jamie was here also. Hawk picked a flower and gave it to Jamie and told him to give it to Jamie's girlfriend, Leah Holt.

We have 5 baby goats.
Hawk trying to catch two of the baby goats. He was able to sneek up on them and pet them. Brooke also got to pet them.

Skyla and Hawk with the baby goats.

Brooke trying to catch the baby goats.

Hawk stayed with us until late Sunday. Brooke and Skyla went home on Saturday night.

Hawk is doing so good. It has been 13 months since he was diagnosed with the tumor. There is definitely something positive going with him, because he is doing so good. He is on organic foods. Mike and I have started buying mostly organic foods also. Mainly, we try to keep organic foods for Hawk. Jamie is planning on taking Hawk for another MRI soon to see exactly what's going on. But whatever's going on, I know that he is a miracle. God has heard our prayers and healed Hawk.

Hawk has already come through a lot. When he was diagnosed in December, 2005, he was very sick by the time we got him to the doctor. He had 6 weeks (5 days a week) of radiation and was on steroids during this time. He gained a lot of weight because of the steroids and was very sick during that time. He finished the radiation at the end of January 2006 and he has done so good ever since. But I believe it is because of lots and lots of prayer being sent up daily for Hawk, being on the organic food plan, taking the herbal supplements and drinks and most of all the prayers being sent up daily for him. We serve a loving and awesome God. God is awesome and powerful. He is way more powerful than the tumor that Hawk had.

"Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is."

Here is one of my favorite songs: This if for Hawk and all the grandchildren.

His Eye is on the Sparrow:

Why should I feel discouraged
And why should the shadows come
And why should my heart feel so lonely
And long for heaven and home

When Jesus is my portion
My constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know he watches me.

I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me.

Matthew 10:30-31 NIV
"And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. "

I know the Lord is watching over Hawk and all children. Hawk talks about Jesus a lot. He says that he misses Jesus and wants to go to Heaven and see him someday. Such is the kingdom of Heaven--to have the faith of little children.
Breanna went to her eye doctor the other day and she asked him if he prayed, and he said "yes". She told him that she wanted to go to a doctor that prayed.
I and so thrilled that our grandchildren are being raised up in Christian homes. There is no greater thing to pray for than that.

Many thanks to everyone who is praying for Hawk and his family. May God bless you all. Miracles happen everyday.

2007-01-18T16:21:00.000-06:00

January 18, 2007

Hawk was on Channel 4 today with Make-A-Wish-Foundation. All of this month, channel 4 is featuring some of the children who have been helped by Make-A-Wish-Foundation. We thought he did a great job and was so cute!!! But I guess we are a little prejudiced.

The other day when Hawk and Skyla were here spending the night, Hawk and I were in the kitchen playing a game on the computer and Mike and Skyla were in the living room watching cartoons. Anyway, all of a sudden, Skyla came into the kitchen and said to Hawk, "I love you, Bubba." and Hawk said "I love you too." They are so cute. They tell each other and all of us that they love us all the time. Skyla calls Hawk "Bubba". That is Jamie's nickname also.

2007-01-17T21:30:00.000-06:00

Wednesday night, January 18, 2007

Update on our family. Hawk is doing so good. He will be on channel 4 on Thursday 18th at 12:00 noon with Make-A-Wish-Foundation.
This Christmas was a wonderful Christmas compared to last year. Last year Hawk was taking radiation treatments and was on steroids and he was feeling so bad that he didn't enjoy the day at all. This year, he was feeling so good and had so much energy. Every year Mike plays Santa. This is the highlight of Christmas day, because of how much fun it is for the children. He is disguised very well with the white beard and white hair and Santa suit.
Anyway, the children were so excited to see Santa. Brooke sat in his lap the whole time he was talking to Breanna and Hawk. Skyla was a little afraid of him, so she sat on the couch the whole time. He brought a bike for Hawk and Breanna and they were so excited. Breanna and Hawk talked to him for a long time and then when Santa got ready to leave, Hawk hugged him and told him that he would really like to see Rudolph. Santa told Hawk that Rudolph was very shy, so he couldn't see him this time.
2006 was a very hard year for our family, but thanks to our faith and God's love and mercy, we have come through it with more faith and a lot of thankfulness. Hawk was diagnosed with the tumor 13 months ago. At the time that he was first diagnosed, we were very afraid about what 2006 might bring, but thanks to God and lots of prayer, we have celebrated 2007 with Hawk doing so good. He is a little miracle. Praise the Lord!!!
Mike was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2006, but thank the good Lord, he was able to have surgery on April 21 and the cancer had not spread and the doctors were able to get all of the cancer. This was a big shock to us also, because Mike has always been so healthy and it was a shock to find out that he had cancer, but thank God he survived that is doing great now.
We are very thankful for all of the prayers for our family and for coming through 2006 with more faith and a closer walk with the Lord. All we can do is take life one day at a time and trust in the Lord. And we are so thankful for all of the blessings. OUR CUP RUNNETH OVER!!!

2006-12-15T10:13:00.000-06:00

Jamie, Hawk, and Skyla in front of the Christmas tree.

Hawk is doing so good. !

From the very beginning, I prayed that The Lord would give us a miracle and let Hawk stay here with us, and I believe that He granted that prayer. Millions of prayers from all over the world and right here in Lebanon have gone up for Hawk. "And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it." John 14:13-14

When we were celebrating Thanksgiving at Regina and Mike Carr's house(Mike's sister and brother-in-law), all of us took turns saying what we were thankful for. All of us had a lot to be thankful for, and everyone included being thankful for Hawk's miracle. When it was time for Hawk to say what he was thankful for, he said that he was thankful for Jesus healing the boo-boo in his head.

Hawk wants a hummer, a bulldozier, and a backhoe for Christmas. We already have 4 battery operated riding vehicles here for them, so we got him and Breanna a bicycle. He wants a Hummer that he can ride, so maybe Santa will bring him one at his house.

Breanna says that she doesn't want any toys, she wants to give her presents to children who won't get anything for Christmas. She is a very thoughtful little girl. Anyway, Tuesday asked her if that meant that she didn't want her grandparents to get her anything and she no that they could get her something.

Brooke and Skyla are talking more and more. Both of them like to talk on the phone to us. Skyla will count to 10, but she won't say 7. She leaves it out and she won't say it, even if we try to get her to. Mike and I kept Brooke today. She had us playing baby dolls with her. She had two dolls, and she said that one was the baby and one was the sister. And then she said that her "sissy"(Breanna) was in school.

They are all so sweet and precious. Children bring so much joy to our lives.

2006-11-28T19:46:00.000-06:00

This picture was taken today at a duck pond close to Jamie's girlfriend, Leah's house.

Hawk is feeling so good and gaining weight and has lots of energy.

I believe that he has received a miracle. That he is healed.

Lindy may get an appt. for a MRI just to confirm this.

Thanks to everyone who is praying for Hawk and his family. May you all be blessed.

HEBREWS 13: 5-6 NIV

because God has said,
"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you. "

So we say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?"

Little Shaylee McDonald went to Heaven on Thursday, November 23, 2006. Mike, Tuesday, and I went to her funeral in Crossville, Tn. Please continue to pray for her family. They will need prayers for strength and comfort.

2 CORINTHIANS 1:3-4 NIV
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,

who comforts us in all our troubles,

so that we can comfort those in any trouble

with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

2006-11-11T10:02:00.000-06:00

This is a picture taken of Hawk and me when I went to his school for Grandparents Day. I had breakfast with him in his room.

WE had Hawk and Skyla on Sunday afternoon. We decided to take them to see Mike's mother, Cathy Waddle and her husband, Derald Waddle. I took this picture with me, and when we got in the car, I showed it to Hawk. He said "I love this picture." And then he said, " I love my school." He held this picture all the time we were in the car. He layed it in the seat when we got out at Nanny Cathy's. Then when we got back in the car, Hawk picked it up and held it the rest of the time he was in the car. Anyway, I gave it to him.

He said that he wished that I would come to his school and eat breakfast with him again. I told him that I couldn't come and eat breakfast, but that I would come and eat lunch sometime. He said that he wanted me to eat lunch with him everyday. Mike and I are planning on going to eat with him while Mike is on vacation, which will be the week of Thanksgiving. And I plan to eat with him some by myself.

2006-11-03T23:18:00.000-06:00

To Hawk:

"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation." Psalm91: 14-16

One of my favorite scriptures
Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills--
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip--
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you--
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm--
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Jeremiah 29:11

" For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "

God is good. I know that He holds Hawk in the palm of His hand. I know that He has good plans for him, both now and forevermore.

May God bless all of you who are praying for Hawk. Please pray for all of these children who suffer from this disease:
Matthew McGowanwww.caringbridge.org/visit/matthewmcgowan
Chase Sammutchasesammut.blogspot.com
J.J. Lipskihttp://www.jjsmiracle.com/
Leslie Schmidtwww.caringbridge.org/visit/leslieschmidt
Naomi Reisler (her soul continues her journey toward perfect love 7/6/06)www.caringbridge.org/visit/naomir
Alicia Martinhttp://www.aliciahopefund.com/
Kate Hrischukwww.caringbridge.org/visit/katehrischuk
Kortney Gillette (spread her wings and flew to heaven 4/27/06)www.caringbridge.org/visit/kgillette
James Neubauerwww.caringbridge.org/in/james
Maria McNamarahttp://www.prayersformaria.com/
Kayla Luciuswww.caringbridge.org/visit/kaylalucius
Cooper Bell (accepted his invitation to join our father in Heaven 9/13/06)www.caringbridge.org/visit/cooperbell
Trevor Palmerkinbuzz.org/trevor/journal.html
Aidan Zaugghttp://www.whynotaidan.com/
Dylan DiLaurohttp://www.saveourdylan.net/
Katya Polishchuk(she passed away peacefully in her home surrounded by herfamily members 11/1/06)www.uoregon.edu/~vaintrob/katya
Grant Truhlerwww.caringbridge.org/visit/grant
Ariana Samarashttp://www.arianasamaras.com/
Devan Williamshttp://www.aprayerfordevan.com/

Gus Lilleyhttp://www.guslilley.com/
Hannah Hatlen(surrounded by family, she fought right to the end 10/31/06) beachgroveliving.spaces.live.com
Leo Dubinsky (surrounded by family, Leo's pain, misery and suffering ended 10/23/06) leodubinsky.blogspot.com
Makenzie Tankhttp://www.carepages.com/makenzietank/ (registration required)

This is an e-mail I got from nice lady. I thought it was nice and wanted to share it:

Hi Gwen,

I just read your blog for the first time and my heart goes out to Hawk and your whole family. Your blog is such a wonderful testimony too. In spite of heartaches, you all are remaining faithful to our Lord, while also witnessing to thousands (maybe millions) of people. Sometimes I wonder if this is why God allows such sadness in our lives. He is using you and precious little Hawk for His glory. Yes, I will be praying for Hawk (and the little girl you mentioned) daily. And I will also pray that you and your family will continue to be blessed with a strong faith and belief in miracles.

When I was a child (about 10) my mother developed a lump in her breast which needed to be removed right away. My mother wanted to travel by plane to her hometown of Lewisburg, TN, because she knew the doctors there. However, the morning she was to leave, the airport was closed because of 2 feet of snow (Asheville, N.C.) Although my parents were real upset with this delay, we all knelt down by the sofa and prayed for healing. The very next day, the lump in Mom’s breast was gone. She immediately saw her doctor so he could examine it further. He was floored! He said, “I don’t know what you’re doing, but I would suggest you keep on doing it.” That was when my mother took the opportunity to tell her doctor about the Lord and what all He had done for her.

Just one more personal story—33 years ago I gave birth to identical twin girls. They had seizures, kidney problems, liver problems, etc. The Lord blessed us with these girls for 10 months, and we loved every minute we had with them. But after God called them Home, we heard from hundreds of strangers who we had never met. They told us how much they had been touched by these babies.

So you never know just how many hearts are being touched. Sorry I got a little carried away with my email—but Hawk has certainly touched me. God is certainly ALIVE and He still performs miracles in 2006! That’s what I will be praying for and I will pass your blog address on to friends who are believers.

By the way, I will bookmark your blog so I can check back frequently.

Thanks for ‘listening’,

Mary Huckaby
Charleston, S.C.

2006-11-01T00:04:00.000-06:00

Oct. 31, 2006

Here is the report of Hawk's last MRI:

FINDINGS: Within the right central pons again seen is a expansile lesion that demonstrates confluent T2 hyperintense signal and T1 hyperintense signal without enhancement. This mass appears to have increased slightly in size when compared to the prior study. This mass measures 3.7 cm in greatest axial dimension and previously measured 3.5 cm. In the craniocaudal dimension, this lesion also measured 3.5 cm and now measures 3.8 cm. In addition, the cavitary portion of the lesion in the superior aspect has increased in size as well. No intraparenchymal hemorrhage is noted. Ventricles remain normal in size and configuration.

IMPRESSION: Minimal increase in size of the brain stem glioma when compared to the prior study dated July 24, 2006

This may be minimal, but any growth is not good.

I talked to Shaylee's mother today and she said that Shaylee is still the same. The last time I talked to her grandmother, Pat, she said that Shaylee was very weak and had stopped watching TV. She said that her cry was very weak.

Thanks to all for all of prayers for Shaylee and Hawk. Please continue to pray for them and their families. May God bless all of you.

2006-10-30T15:52:00.000-06:00

Oct. 30, 2006
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. "Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

This verse has become my verse to live by. This has always been one of my favorite verses. I've tried to live by it and not worry, but I must admit that now I am having to work a little harder. I do get anxious about all of this with Hawk. But when I do, I say this verse to myself and I start praying for Hawk and all of our family.

This picture is of Kayla(with black hair, she put a temporary color on it, but immediately washed it out), Hawk and Skyla taken on Saturday Oct. 28, 2006 in our backyard on the tire swing that Mike put in the tree for the grandchildren.

They all love it.

Hawk in the treehouse being a typical little boy and acting silly. He feels so good and has so much energy.

He was getting very tickled at throwing the ball at Mike.

Hawk has a lot of things in his favor to beat this illness. His name is lifted up daily in prayer by a lot of people, he laughs all the time, he gets lots of sunshine and exercise(he has so much energy that he is on the go all the time), he is surrounded by a lot of love and we stay very positive and have a lot of fun with him when he is at our house.

Sweet little Skyla fixing to get on the slide. We have 7 little baby chickens, and Mike took Skyla and Hawk to the barn to see them. When they got back, I asked Skyla what she thought about them and she said" They're black"., and she's right, they are black.

She talks all the time. She talks very well and has a big vocabulary. She tries to do everything that Hawk does. The other day, Hawk was counting to 10 and she was counting right along with him. She's learns a lot from her big brother.

Kayla with her hair black. She washed it out soon after this.

All of the smaller grandchildren love her. She is very good with them and a lot of help. She loves taking care of them.

Oct. 30, 2006.

Little Brooke. I kept her today while her mommy cleaned house. She is a little cutie, also. She talks all of the time also.

She loves to wear high-heel shoes. She can walk very good in them. She found a pair of my high-heel (very low heels) today and she put them on and wore them around the house.

She likes to have her finger nails and toenails painted. Her big sister, Breanna, is taking dance lessons and Brooke likes to dance like her "sissy". She is so cute when she does this.

Another picture of Brooke.

Another picture of Brooke.

This is a journal and updates about Hawk and his family. It is easier for me to type this than to write it.

We are trying so hard to help Hawk fight off the tumor. He is on an organic food plan and natural supplements and drinks. We have been a little lax with it in the past, but we are stepping it up and trying to be as close to 100% as we can(I am talking for Lindy, Mark, Jamie and Mike and I). Our goal is to try to help him to get his little body in the best condition it can be and maybe have a chance at fighting this. Mike, Jamie, and I are always positive with him and are always having fun with him and all of the grandchildren. But they are all so loving and enthusiastic, that it's not hard to be that way.

I feel like that he's done so well (and still feels good and has a lot of energy) with the regimen that he's been on, that if we get 100% with it, then it has got to give him a better chance of beating this.

We pray for a miracle, and pray that God's will be done. I pray for strength for Hawk and all of us.

A few weeks ago, they had Grandparents Day at Breanna's school and at Hawk's school. Breanna's was on Monday. I went up there to see her. Tuesday and Brooke went with me. They were having a book fair. When we got there, Breanna was paged and she came running down the hall to greet us. We went to the book fair with her and I let her and Brooke pick out some books. Then we had some refreshments and went to see her room. Her teacher has her room fixed up very nice.

On Friday of that week, I went to Hawk's school for breakfast. I was a little late. But not the last one. Anyway, I had to go into his room to get my and his plate(the food was set up on long tables in the hall between the classrooms). I saw him before he saw me. He was looking a little sad--I guess he thought no one was coming to eat with him. When he saw me, his face lit up with the biggest smile. Nothing could ever be worth more than that. After we ate, I sat down in a chair close to Hawk and he came and got in my lap and layed his head over on me. He sat there for a long time and just wanted me love on him. I just held him and talked to him and loved on him.
I cried all the way home. He was telling Mike about it the other day. about when his Nanna came and ate breakfast with him. He is so precious. All of the grandchildren are so precious. There is nothing in the world like having a grandchild. They bring so much joy and happiness in our lives. Mike and I are so BLESSED to have our grandchildren. We love all of them so much and thoroughly enjoy every minute we have with them.

Breanna goes to a small school in a small town. The classes start in kindergarten and go through 8th grade. Anyway, every year at this time, the teachers take the children to the nursing home to give candy to the residents there. The other day was the first time for Breanna to go and she got to ride the school bus for the first time. She really liked that. I think this is so great for these little children to go to the nursing home to visit. Breanna said that she was used to doing that because she used to visit Nanny Ethel (my mother) in the nursing home. Also, Kevin and Tuesday took Breanna and Brooke to the nursing home last year and let them give candy to the residents.

Update on Shaylee McDonald. I talked to her grandmother about 2 weeks ago and she said that Shaylee was very weak.

I will call her in a minute and update this later.

2006-10-27T18:34:00.000-05:00

Oct. 27, 2006 Hawk went back on Thursday for the results of his last MRI. It is not good news. The tumor has started growing. He looks so good and feels so good that it is hard to believe that he has something so terribly wrong with him. There were a lot of tears shed on Thursday, but none in front of Hawk. I called all of our family and told everyone and everyone was just heartbroken all over again.

This picture was taken at the park.

Dr. Kuttesch told Lindy that this was the beginning of the end. There is nothing else that the doctors can do.

He told her and Mark(Hawk's step-father) to start thinking about what they and Jamie will want to do if Hawk starts getting worse. The options are chemotherapy, which he does not recommend because it has not been proven to help in any way---clinical trials(which is a form of chemotherapy), which is experimental drugs--or Hospice. Jamie and Lindy have been saying all along that they will not do anything to prolong Hawk's suffering. They do not want to give him any steroids. The side effects of steroids are flu like symptoms and debilatating arthritis. Their joints hurt so bad that they have to be on pain killers. It is so hard to write about this, but I know that a lot people are concerned for Hawk and a lot of people have been and continue to pray for him, and I know that everyone wants to know how he is doing. Anyway, Jamie, Lindy, Mark, Mike and I are all in agreement about what to do for Hawk. We all love him so much. We do not want to see him suffer any more than he has to. We do not want to see him suffer at all. There is no medical cure for this tumor. If any of this would cure him, it would be another thing, but none of it will cure him. It will only prolong his suffering. At this time, Jamie and Lindy have decided that Hospice and drugs to ease his pain will be the only thing that they will do. They want Hawk to have the best life he can. Hopefully, these decisions will not have to be made for a long time(although Hawk's doctor believes that it will be soon).

But we are not through fighting for Hawk's life. He is on herbal supplements and on a organic food plan. The doctors have been amazed at how well he has done so far. Dr Kuttecsh told them that he was amazed at how well hawk has done. (he was amazed until this last MRI, when the tumor started growing again.) He absolutely did not expect Hawk to be doing this well at 10 months after diagnosis. We have heard of some more natural supplements that could help him and all of us will be starting those with him. As for Mike and I, he will eat nothing but organic foods when he is with us. We have heard of others who have beat the odds (Lance Armstrong and Naomi Judd are two). The medical doctors have given up, but we have not given up. And we pray constantly. We know that God can heal him. I have absolutely no doubt that God can heal him.

I know that Lindy is overwhelmed with everything. She teaches during the day and grades papers at night, so I have offered to take some of the burden from her. I will call her weekly to make sure that she has everything on hand that Hawk needs, also I will do all of the ordering for her. All she will need to do is tell me what she needs and I will order it and have it sent to her. Mark works full time and Jamie works full time nights and sleeps during the day. I am retired, so I have more time to help with this.

When Jesus was in the garden of Gethsemane, He prayed that "this cup be removed from him, but that God's will be done." I pray that this cup be removed from Hawk, but that God's will be done. We are told to give thanks in ALL SITUATIONS. I am thankful for Hawk. I am thankful that he is my grandson. He is such a loving little boy.

He tells all of us all the time how much he loves us. The other day, I told Hawk that I loved him all the way to the end of the universe and back and he said that he loved me "36". this is a lot because this is a big number to him. When we got to our house, I told Mike that Hawk loved me "36 and Mike said that the other day he told him that he loved him "15", I guess that Hawk thought that Mike's might be a better number, so he said, "Nanna, I love you "15 also." I need to write all of this, because I might forget it someday.

I am thankful for our family's faith. There is absolutely no way we could get through this without our faith and walking closely with Jesus and clinging to him. I am thankful for all of the people who are praying daily for Hawk. We take it one day at a time. Right now Hawk is full of energy, and is happy and feels great and looks great. I don't believe that any of our minds can go past just today.

This is Breanna and Hawk taken at the park at Skyla's 2 birthday party

This was taken in Breanna and Hawk's Sunday School class on Breanna's 6th birthday. Hawk is on the far left, Breanna is in the middle with the pretty white dress on.

Hawk and Breanna at Sunday School on Breanna's 6th birthday.

Skyla at the park at Breanna's birthday party.

Hawk playing ball with Uncle Kevin

Skyla at the top of the slide.

Brooke and Skyla at the park.

Pa Pa Mike with the two little girls, Skyla and Brooke. They are 2 years old.

I do have a lot of faith and I know that God will do the right thing for Hawk whatever it might be. But sometimes when I look at these pictures of him and our precious little grandchildren, I just cannot accept the fact that he might not make it and might not be here. When all of this first happened, Mike and I decided that we would just take it one day at a time or we would go crazy with grief, but sometimes it all just overwhelms me. I just cannot imagine all of our lives without him--and that is why I am so thankful for God's words of encouragement. What would we do without the Bible and our faith and God's love and the love and prayers of others like all of you.

2006-09-12T15:02:00.000-05:00

Sept. 9, 2006. Mike and I and Jamie took the children to see Thomas the Train in Nashville. They all had a great time. They got to see Sir Topham Hatt. We left there and stopped at McDonalds with them. Jamie had somewhere to go, so Mike and I had all four of the children with us. Anyway, this Mcdonalds did not have a play place in it, so Hawk was getting a little upset about that and Breanna told him that it was okay that we could just eat and chitchat.

Skyla, Breanna, Hawk and Brooke in front of Thomas.

Hawk and Breanna riding the train (acting silly)

Hawk(being silly) typical cute little boy and Breanna

Jamie and Skyla

Pa Pa Mike and Brooke

Hawk and Breanna

This is of Breanna taken at the lake. We have great news about her eyes. Her Doctor took the patch off of her left eye. The right eye is as strong as the left eye now. PRAISE THE LORD. She started kindergarten with the patch on. Kevin and Tuesday had prepared her for the fact that some of the children might tease her about the patch and some of them did make fun of her, but she had a great attitude about it. She said that she didn't care if they teased her or not that she just wanted her eye to get better. And now it is. The doctor said that she can get contacts at 7 years old. That is only 1 year and 1 month from now.

Breanna on her way to dance class.

2006-09-12T14:43:00.000-05:00

Sept 4, 2006---We had Hawk's 5th birthday party on Sept 4. His birthday was August 31, but we celebrated on Sept 4. Everyone had a great time. Those who attended were: Hawk's great-grandmother, Cathy Waddle and her husband, Derald Waddle and their Maltese puppy, Snowball. Mike's sister and brother-in-law, Regina and Mike Carr., Our good friends, Frances and Charlie Parson, Larry and Angie Finley and their children, Autumn, Kira, and Seth., Our son and daughter-in-law, Chris and Wanda Smith and Wanda's daughter and son-in-law, Angel and Bobby Soucey and their children, McKenzie, Jenna and Brian., Pam and Gene Blair and their granddaughter, Akira., Our son and daughter-in-law, Kevin and Tuesday Smith and their children, Breanna and Brooke., Our son Jamie and his children Hawk and Skyla., And Mike and I and Kayla.

Hawk got lots of nice presents and lots of nice cards and money. He got a nice card and money from his great-uncle and great-aunt, Sammy and Debbie Smith from Loretto, Tn., He got a nice card from his great-aunt and great-uncle, Wanda and Warren Parker from Myrtle Beach, S.C., Warren bought a book of stamps and one of the stamps was of a comic book character from the 1930's. It was Hawkman. Anyway, Wanda put that stamp on Hawk's envelope because it was Hawkman.

We had lots of good food. We didn't have a birthday cake, because Hawk cannot have sugar. But I baked some organic chocolate chip cookies and everyone liked those. The children played outside with the battery operated car and 4-wheelers. They also played sack racing and the limbo. His uncle Chris and aunt Wanda got him a huge flying saucer and he and the children really enjoyed playing with that. Also, his great-aunt and uncle, Regina and Mike Carr got him a huge 3-D kite of an eagle and we were able to get it up in the air later that afternoon.

Hawk was pretty worn-out by the evening.

This is Jenna, Hawk, Autumn, a friend of theirs, Breanna, and Akira.

Hawk.

Hawk. Puppy Snowball is laying on the floor.

Jenna, Hawk, Breanna, and Akira, Seth in background playing video game.

Hawk, Breanna and Seth

Little Brooke with Spiderman

Frances holding Skyla

Chris, Wanda, Skyla, Hawk, McKenzie, and Akira

Hawk running, Breanna, McKenzie, Autumn and Kira

Everyone playing the limbo--Kira, friend of hers, McKenzie, Autumn, Kayla, Akira, Tuesday holding Brooke and Breanna going under

Little 5-month old Brian riding the 4-wheeler. Chris on the treehouse steps, Pam in swing, Bobby, Angel holding Brian, Jenna with doll, Wanda taking picture and Frances watching and Jamie watching
We are so thankful for how good Hawk is doing. I have absolute unwavering faith that God can heal him. We have already seen many miracles--Hawk was very sick by the time we got him to the Doctor for the first time. He went through 6 weeks of radiation and steroids with no side affects. Some children are left with some very disabling side-affects. It has been 9 months since he was first diagnosed. A lot of people with this disease do not get that long. When he was first diagnosed, we weren't sure if he would get to start kindergarten or not. Lindy said that she would have signed him up for T-ball, but she wasn't sure if he would be able to play or not. PRAISE GOD!!! That Hawk is doing so well. He feels good, he looks good, he has lots of energy and lots enthusiasm for everything and he is a typical little boy full of mischievous. And we are so HAPPY that he is doing all of this.

Thank all of you so much for all of you prayers. May God bless all of you.

2006-08-31T11:05:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to Hawk!! Today is Hawk's 5th birthday.

We will have him a birthday party on Monday, Sept. 4th. His Mom is having him a party on Saturday.

We called him this evening to sing Happy Birthday to him and he wouldn't talk to us. This is very unusually for him. Lindy said that he wasn't feeling good and that he wouldn't let anyone tell him Happy Birthday today. His Uncle and Aunt from North Carolina called and he wouldn't talk to them. Lindy said that he wouldn't talk to anyone who called today and he wouldn't let anyone tell him Happy Birthday.

Naturally, this has us concerned. Anything unusually that he does always has us concerned. Lindy said that he was not feeling good because he has an upset stomach. Hopefully, he will feel better tomorrow.

As part of his birthday present, we are planning to take him and his little sister, Skyla,(23months) his cousins, Breanna (5), and Brooke (2), to ride Thomas The Train next Saturday, the 9th. Mike, Jamie and I are taking them. It is a treat to all of them from Mike and I. I'm sure that they will have a lot of fun doing that.

2006-08-25T18:32:00.000-05:00

GREAT NEWS!!!

The results from Hawk's MRI yesterday were good. The tumor stayed the same. As long it is not growing, this is good news. His doctor said that he looked good. Hawk feels really good right now.
Every time he goes back and the tumor is not growing, we are so thankful.
Thank you for all of your prayers.
He will go back in 2 months for his next MRI.

2006-08-22T13:19:00.000-05:00

Weekend of August 18 thru 20, 2006. Hawk had a rough night on Thursday night with coughing all night, so Lindy decided to keep him out of school on Friday. Anyway, he decided that he wanted to come over and spend the night with us on Friday night.

Lindy brought him and Skyla over and they spent the night on Friday.

I had taken down the babybed and put the toddler bed up for Skyla and for Brooke. Hawk wanted to lie down with Skyla and get their pictures taken.

Here he is kissing her goodnight. They are so sweet together. They love each other very much.

On Sunday Kevin and Tuesday took Breanna and Brooke to the Wilson County Fair. They came by our house after the fair. Breanna won first prize in the duck racing contest, the duck she picked out won the race.

Here they are riding Fancy.

On Friday night, Hawk decided that he wanted to build a campfire. Even though it was about 90 degrees outside, Mike built him a campfire.

He came running into the house and said Nanna, we need some marshmallows to roast. The only marshmallows we had were the miniature marshmallows, but we managed to put them on a wire and roast them. We only roasted a few. Hawk and Skyla didn't eat any, but it was fun to roast them.

Mike, Hawk, and Skyla roasting marshmallows.

Hawk standing by the fire.

Another picture of Hawk by the fire.

We will get the results of his last MRI on Thursday. I will post the results when we get them.

Please pray that everything will be okay.

2006-08-15T20:19:00.000-05:00

More pictures taken last Saturday, August 12.
Hawk standing beside the fountain.

Hawk getting his ball out of the hole.

Kevin, Tuesday, Breanna, and Brooke. They came by after church on Sunday. I had lunch fixed for them.

Kevin, Tuesday, and Breanna changed clothes and went back to church to do some work and Brooke stayed with us.

Mike took Brooke with him to take off the trash and they went by to visit him mom, Cathy Waddle and her husband Derald. They enjoyed seeing Brooke. Brooke was asleep when they got back.

Later in the afternoon, our good friends, Fran and Charlie Parson called to see if we wanted to go get something to eat. I told them that I had a lot of food cooked, so they came by and ate at our house and visited for awhile.

2006-08-15T14:58:00.000-05:00

These were taken at our house and at the putt-putt golf course last Saturday (Aug. 12, 2006).

Hawk hitting a golf ball in our front yard. Being a typical little boy and sticking out his tongue for the camera.

Jamie couldn't get over how well Hawk can hit a golf ball. He is very athletic. I am not a Nanna bragging on her grandson, but a lot of people have commented on how well Hawk can throw a ball and bat a ball and hit a golf ball. He is just very talented with anything to do with sports.

Mike, Jamie and Skyla playing putt-putt. We have a new Sports Center in Lebanon. It is very nice. Hawk had been there before and really wanted us to go. So we went Saturday night.

Hawk fishing his ball out of the water. It just happened to go into the water several times, so that he could get it out again.

Mike helping Skyla with her putting. When we first got there we only got clubs and balls for Mike, Jamie and Hawk. I didn't get one because I was taking pictures. Anyway, Skyla ended up with Mike's club and ball.

Hawk and Skyla waiting for the rest of us.

Hawk playing air hockey with Mike and Skyla. Skyla wanted to play even though she wasn't big enough to reach the table.

Mike helping Skyla play air hockey.

Hawk goes back on Thursday ( Aug. 17, 2006) for his next MRI. Please pray that it will shrink some more or go away. We will get the results on Aug. 24. I will post the results.

On the way to play putt-putt, Hawk was riding with Mike and I and Skyla was riding with Jamie. We got in front of Jamie and Skyla, this always tickles Hawk, if the car he is in beats the other one.

Skyla riding Fancy. We had so much fun with them on Saturday and Saturday night. After we left the Sports Center, Jamie took them home with him

2006-08-11T11:36:00.000-05:00

More pictures taken at the lake last weekend.

Skyla getting out of the water. Mike, Kevin, and Kayla in the background.

Hawk playing in the water.

Hawk really likes kindergarten. He has been going to The Learning Center since he was little, so it isn't very much different for him. He said that he really likes kindergarten because they have 2 BIG slides.

He and Skyla are coming over tomorrow to spend the weekend. Jamie is coming over here to stay with them.

Things he likes to do while here: Ride his 4-wheeler (battery operated). We have 2 4-wheelers and a red jeep (all battery operated) so that all of the grandchildren have something to ride. We have a small sunk in place beside the driveway, so last weekend Hawk kept coming in the house and getting water and taking out there to the small sunken place. Finally, he had made a mudhole and then he rode his 4-wheeler over and over it. He told us that his Dad (Jamie) told him that it wasn't a 4-wheeler unless it had mud on the tires. He likes to play computer games. He likes Thomas the Train and Reader Rabbit pre-school. He likes the Disney TV video game. He really likes Donald Duck golf. He has gotten really good at it. We have to give Skyla a control, so that she thinks she is playing also. He likes the board game, Dora the Explorer Chutes and Ladders, he loves to go downstairs and play on the pool table. He gets on the pool table and rolls the balls into the pockets. All of the grandchildren(except Kayla who is 12) do this. He usually tries to do all of this and more while he is here. He is always in a good mood and has a lot of enthusiam for everything. Skyla usually does all of it also.

Hawk's 2-year old cousin, Brooke. She stayed with me while her mommy was working.

Another picture of Brooke. Her big sister, Breanna(on the right) also started to kindergarten last week. Breanna also really likes kindergarten. She really wanted to get the Best Rester Award. So today she was very still and quiet during rest time and she got the Best Rester Award today.

2006-08-08T08:34:00.000-05:00

This picture was made at Christmas 2003. I know it is an old picture of Hawk, but it is so cute, I wanted to share it. My sister, Wanda Parker, made a scrapebook page of it and gave all of us one for Christmas.

Hawk is doing so good right now. We appreciate all of the prayers for him. He will go back this month for another MRI.

I know that God has a good plan for Hawk. Whatever God's plan is for Hawk, I know that it will be the right plan for him.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip-he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you-the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm-he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Psalm 121

2006-08-01T11:17:00.000-05:00

Sunday July 30, 2006

Pa Pa Mike letting Hawk drive the lawn mower. Hawk likes to drive by himself. The blades are not engaged and he goes very slow.
Mike walks along beside Hawk.

We cherish every day we have with him.

Another view of Hawk on lawn mower.

He is just a precious little boy.

He and Skyla and Kayla spent the night on Saturday. Kayla is staying for the whole week, but we took Hawk and Skyla back home on Sunday night.

Hawk started kindergarten today (Tuesday, August 2, 2006). We are so thankful at how well he is doing. When he was first diagnosed with this terrible disease, we weren't sure is he would start kindergarten or not. PRAISE GOD.

Kayla and Skyla sitting on front porch.

Kayla was taking movies of Hawk on lawn mower.

Pa Pa offered to ride Skyla on mower, but that was too much for her.

Sweet little Skyla.

She was sitting there letting Nana take her picture.

She tries to do everything that Hawk does. It is so cute to watch her with him.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

We picked Hawk and Skyla up and took them to the lake on Saturday.

Mike's mom (Cathy Waddle and her husband Derald) have a houseboat on Center Hill Lake.

We took Hawk, Skyla, and Kayla up there on Saturday. Kevin came up with Breanna. Mike's mom and her husband, his sister, Regina and her husband Mike Carr, their daughter, Heather and her husband, Brit Blackburn and his daughter, Sydney and Brit's mother and Mike Carr's mother were there. We were celebrating birthday's in July and August. This is Skyla eating a chocolate cupcake.

Sydney, Brenna, Hawk, and Papa Mike getting out of the water and back on houseboat.

Hawk anticipating going down the slide. He finally decided against it.

Breanna loved the slide.

Everyone had a great time. Hawk got to ride one of the SeaDoos with Papa Mike and Breanna rode on one with Kevin. Kayla rode on one with Mike also.

Skyla played in the water and on the houseboat.
Hawk, Breanna, Sydney and Kayla got to ride in the ski boat also.

Nanny Cathy, Kayla, Hawk and Breanna getting out of ski boat and back on houseboat.

Since Hawk's birthday is the end of this month, Regina decided to celebrate his birthday on Saturday with everyone else. We will have another birthday party for him on his birthday, August 31, 2006. We were celebrating Regina's, Heather's, Sydney's, and Mrs. Blackburn's and Hawk's.

Now Hawk thinks her is already 5. We tried to explain to him that he isn't 5 yet, but he insisted that he is. I guess he'll just be 5 again on August 31. All the way up to the boat and back, he talked and talked. I'm going to start taking a tape recorder with me and record the things he is saying. He is so precious and we love him so much!!! I pray everyday that he will be healed. He and Breanna love each so much. There is only a year difference in their ages. She is so good to him. She says that whatever Hawk wants to do, then that is what she wants to do. Kevin and Tuesday have told her how sick Hawk is. She told me one day that if Hawk doesn't get well, then he will be in Heaven and she can always talk to him. She said that if her friends saw her talking and wanted to know what she was doing, then she would just tell them that she was talking to Hawk.

The little girl, Shaylee McDonald, who was taking treatments with Hawk, is very ill. Hospice is coming in every day. Her grandmother says that she just lies in the recliner every day. She loves when the mail comes because she gets lots of cards.

We've all been put on a path that we have to see through. I just want time to stand still for awhile, but I know that it won't. Our world fell out from under us on December 15, 2005. That's the day that Hawk was diagnosed with this terrible disease. The tumor is still there. Until it goes completely away, we will just hold our breath every time he goes for his MRI. We just pray that it will go away and give us more time with Hawk.

2006-08-01T09:17:00.000-05:00

This is an update on Hawk's last MRI:

I'm taking some sentences out of the Findings: The greatest axial measurement is approximately 3.5 cm which is slightly increased from prior study at which time it was approximately 3.3cm. The greatest superioinferior dimension is 3.5 cm which is slightly increased from 3.4 cm on prior study. There is no other intracranial lesion. The ventricles are normal.

IMPRESSION: Minimal increase in size of the brain stem glioma in comparison to prior study dated 05/16/06. There is more apparent increase in size when compared to study of 03/13/06.

Then Dr. Kuttesch wrote on the bottom of in his own handwriting: The difference in size may be just different measurement. In other words, the difference is so small, that it may just be the way it was interpreted each time.

Hawk will go in for another MRI in August (this month) to see if there are any changes.

Thank all of you for your prayers. I have faith that God can heal Hawk and I pray every day that He will, but the tumor is still there and we have to follow Jesus's example and pray that His will be done. I try to stay positive, but I cry every night about this.

2006-07-25T19:27:00.000-05:00

Week of Sunday 16th through Saturday 22nd.

Hawk woke up on Sunday complaining of a headache. His grandpa Ken told us about it at church.

This has us very concerned. Hawk and Skyla came home with us after church. On Monday he complained of a headache again. And again on Tuesday. Lindy called me on Tuesday and said that she was going to take him to the doctor and would I come over and get Skyla. I went to get Skyla.

Barbara had Hawk and Lindy wasn't able to contact her, so she decided to take him in to the doctor the next day. She brought Hawk on over to our house and he and Skyla spent the night with us.

The next morning, Lindy came by and got Hawk and I kept Skyla. The doctor said that Hawk looks great, but decided to take his MRI now instead of waiting until August. Lindy brought Hawk back and he wanted to spend the night again. We told him it was okay. Skyla went home with Lindy. At around 8:00 pm Hawk decided that he wanted to go home, so I took him home.

He and Skyla came back on Friday night and spent the night. Breanna and Brooke came over and played with them. When he and Breanna saw each other, they hugged and hugged. They love being together.

They were playing hide and seek under our bed and when we would find Hawk, he and Breanna told us that it really wasn't Hawk that it was only a statute of him, that Hawk had left. Anyway, the next day Hawk was playing hide and seek with Mike and I and Skyla (Breanna had gone home) and when we would find him (Skyla always shows us where he is ) he told us that it was only a statute of him. Once he told us that the real Hawk had gone to North Carolina and once he told us that he had gone to Disney World and the last time he told us that he had gone to Heaven.

Lindy took him to the doctor on Monday the 24th for his MRI. We will get the results on Thursday the 27th. He hasn't complained of a headache anymore. We pray that everything will be okay. He looks so good right now and feels so good, that it is hard to look at him and think that there is something so terribly wrong with him. I've been really depressed this week thinking about all of it.

Anyway, Hawk will start kindergarten on August 2nd. We are very thankful. When he was first diagnosed, we weren't sure if he would be able to start kindergarten or not. We are so grateful for the prayers said for him. We just pray that he will continue to do good and that the tumor will stay shrunken. Everytime I watch him play, I pray that he will be healed.

I will post on this blog on Thursday the results of his MRI.

2006-07-13T12:12:00.000-05:00

JULY 1-JULY 4 These pictures were made at the Sounds baseball game. The Sounds donated a skybox and $100. worth of food for Hawk and his family. The skybox was so nice. It was airconditioned and very comfortable. Everyone who attended were: Mike and I and Kayla, Jamie, Hawk and Skyla, Kevin, Tuesday, Breanna and Brooke and our good friends Charlie and Frances Parson. We all had a good time. Hawk really enjoyed being with his cousins and little sister. The Sounds lost the ballgame, but it was still fun to watch. After the ballgame they had a fireworks display. The children really enjoyed that.

Skyla wasn't in this picture because she was a little afraid of the moscot. Pa Pa held her for the other picture, but she still wasn't too sure of it all.
Breanna is wearing a patch on her left eye to help the right one become stronger.

Jamie had the children from July 1st through the 4th. We all went to the ballgame on the 1st. On Sunday he took them to his house and they went swimming at his friends house. On Monday the 3rd they went camping at Kevin and Tuesday's neighbor. These are pictures made at the campsite. Hawk has been camping before, but this was Skyla's first camping trip. She did great. When it came time to go to bed, she crawled into her tent and went to sleep and slept all night

Then on the 4th they went swimming at Kevin and Tuesday's. Jamie took them back home late that night. Hawk is doing so good right now. We pray that he will continue to do good and beat the odds with this tumor. I pray everyday that he will be healed.

Please pray for Shaylee McDonald. She is a little five year old that was diagnosed with the same tumor at the time Hawk was. They took their treatments at the same time. She is very very sick right now. Hospice is coming to her house. Please pray for her and her family.

Skyla at the campsite. She had a great time. Kevin and Tuesday and Breanna also camped with them and some of their friends. Brooke went to her own house and slept in her bed. Her grandparents from Florida kept her at her house.

Hawk will go back for his next MRI in August. He looks so good and feel so good right now. We are praying that the tumor will continue to be shrunken or completely gone.

We usually get them during the week and almost every Sunday afternoon. They came home with us after church on Sunday. Charlie and Frances came over and we went to Chili's for lunch. This is where Hawk wanted to go. After lunch we came back to our house and played with them.
Hawk wanted to play Chutes and Ladders, only 4 can play, so Hawk, Mike, Frances and Charlie played Chutes and Ladders. Hawk won (he always wins). Skyla was taking a nap.

We took them home at around 6:00 p.m.

Hawk wanted us to stay for awhile. We stayed for awhile and he showed us his new toys and his new riding toy ( a bulldozier that he peddles)

He showed us how fast he can go down his slide and how fast he can ride his bulldozier. He rides it down his driveway and then makes a sharp turn either to the right or left.

Then Skyla showed us how she rides her little ride. She holds her feet up and goes down the sidewalk until she gets to the end, then she puts her feet down and stops herself.

She always tries to do everything that Hawk does.

Hawk woke up on Sunday with a headache, so this has us a little concerned. But other than that he feels great most of the time.

Thanks for all of your prayers for him and his family.

2006-06-20T18:38:00.000-05:00

This was made at our house last Saturday. I haven't updated the blog in awhile. Hawk is doing so good right now. He looks good and feels great. All of his hair has grown back out that he lost during radiation.

He has taken several trips. He's been to North Carolina twice, he's been on a train ride with his Dad, he's been to the zoo. He went on a camping trip with Jamie. Hawk really enjoys all of it.
At his last MRI, the tumor stayed the same (has shrunk by 25%). We are so thankful for this. He goes for his next MRI in August. PLEASE PRAY THAT IT WILL SHRINK SOME MORE OR GO COMPLETELY AWAY.

He is just a precious little boy. He laughs at everything. Mike and I get more tickled watching him laugh than we do at what he's laughing about. Skyla tries to do everything that Hawk does. It is so cute to watch her trying to do everything like he does. She is learning a lot from her big brother.

2006-03-28T19:36:00.000-06:00

This was made at our house last weekend. This is Hawk petting one of our baby goats. We have 9 baby goats. They are so cute!!!

2006-03-25T12:00:00.000-06:00

UPDATE ON HAWK'S MEDICAL CONDITION:

This is the results of Hawk's MRI. This is the first MRI done since he finished with his radiation. There is a 25% reduction in the tumor!!! This is great news!!! Only 50% of the children respond to the radiation, so he is in the 50% that responded. PRAISE THE LORD. THANK ALL OF YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE PRAYERS FOR HAWK. WE GIVE ALL THE CREDIT TO GOD AND PRAYERS.

Here are some of the things that were on the medical report:

Marked interval improvement in the pontine neoplastic lesion most consistent with low grade glioma. Improved mass effect upon the fourth ventricle which is now more patent.
Improvement in effacement of the pre-pontine cistern.

FINDINGS: Since the previous study there has been marked interval improvement in the MR appearance of the pontine glioma. There has been significant decrease in size and mass effect.-----No new lesions are apparant.

Also an update on Mike:---He does have prostate cancer, but (thank the good Lord) it has not spread. He does not have to take any kind of treatments----He will be having robotic surgery at Centennial Hospital on April 21. His doctors are very positive that this will take care of the cancer and he should be doing great after he completely recuperates.

2006-03-24T14:48:00.000-06:00

Jamie shaking hands with Johnny Rhodes

On February 25, Some of Jamie's friends sponsored a benefit for him and Hawk at the fairgrounds. Brandy Sanders was the one who coordinated the event with lots ofhelp from other people. Here is a list of people who our family want to thank from the bottom of our heart. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH:

Workers: Brandy and Steve Sanders--- Scott and Jennifer Jenkins ~~ also in addition to helping, Tater donated an Elvis book to be auctioned----Jason Sanders and Crystal Likens ~ also in addition to helping, Crystal's grandmother donated a quilt that she made to be auctioned--Jody and Lindsay Race ----Jerry and Andrea Weaver ~ ----Barbara Sanders ---Betty Loftis ------Michael and Felicia Drake ---Virgleen Seay ----Faye Brinley and girls ----Trisha McCarter ----Barry Loftis---Heather Blackburn

HERE ARE THE CONTRIBUTORS:
Contributors:(These are from Lebanon unless otherwise noted)---Lebanon Vacuum and Sewing---Pepsi Bottling Company---Hunter's Point Golf Course----Flowers By Lynn----Nashville Superspeedway---Pizza Hut---Curves for Women---Heavenly Ham---H & H Furniture---Clayborn's Bakery---The Barn Bar and Grill---The White Room---Painturo's Piazza--Ziggy's Pizza--Toot's - Murfreesboro---Whitt's Barbecue---Fred's - Lebanon and Hartsville---Papa John's---Domino's---The Best Deal Pawn and Music---Baskin Robbins---Wal-Mart - Carthage and Antioch----Hooter's - Murfreesboro---Cedar Creek - Mt. Juliet---Regal Cinemas---Heavenscent---Java Joe's--Moss' - Mt. Juliet---Grandma's Quilting and Sewing--Griffith's--Studio Z - Smyrna---Johnny Rodes---O' Charley's - Hermitage---Tennessee Titans---The English Touch---Puffy Muffin - Franklin---Ponderosa Steakhouse---Big Idea----The Flower Cottage----Monograms Plus----Friends In Stitches----George Jones---Topper's Music---Cox's Gift's and Jewelry---Park Avenue Florist---Center Barber Shop--West Main Garden Center---The Paper Mill----Cumberland University---Music City Motorplex---Friedman's Jewelers---Chip Ganassi Racing---Lil' Paul's Barbecue---Nashville Sounds---Love One Another Church---PFG/Kenneth O. Lester---Minchey's - Mt. Juliet----Wilson County Fairgrounds

Here are some pictures from the benefit: This in Johnny Rhodes, one of the performers.

This is one of the clowns that were at the benefit. There were five clowns. This one kept the children entertained all night. Some of the others did face painting. There were four women clowns and one man clown. This is Sidney Blackburn and Breanna Smith with the clown.

This is Kayla Conner and Brooke Smith--two of Hawk's and Skyla's cousins. Due to circumstances beyond our family's control, Hawk and Skyla were not there. But we had a lot of pictures of them sitting on a table. Hawk and Skyla would have really enjoyed the bands and the clowns and the other children. Channel 17 was there and interviewed me, Jamie, and Kayla.

This is a picture of Breanna with her face painted .

This is a picture of Heather and Kelsey. They helped serve the bean supper. There were several bands, the clowns, a silent auction, and a delicious bean supper. Mrs Barbara Sanders cooked all the beans and made the slaw for the bean supper. THANKS TO HER. There was also pizza donated by Pizza Hut and drinks donated by Wal-Mart. THANKS TO ALL. Thank to all of you who came and enjoyed the evening with us and participated in the silent auction. A BIG THANK YOU TO EVERYONE.

2006-03-23T17:11:00.000-06:00

These pictures were made at The Fun Factory. Everything is indoors. The picture on the left is of Hawk and Mike in the bumber cars. I can't tell if the other person is Kevin or Jamie. Anyway, Hawk had a ball on the bumber cars. The picture on the right is of all of us as we were getting ready to play laser tag. That was so much fun!!! We also saw a 3-D movie and played indoor putt-putt golf. It was under black lights and it looked like we were under the ocean. It had mermaids and sunken ships etc. Hawk and Breanna loved it. Anyway, everything was a lot of fun. After we left this place, we stopped and ate dinner and then drove on back home. We all had so much fun!!!

2006-03-23T16:54:00.000-06:00

More pictures of the aquarium. This is Hawk in the pirates cove. He is shooting a cannon at me . This is a picture of Jamie in a divers suit with Hawk looking on. Jamie and Hawk eating lunch at the aquarium.That's all of the ones of the aquarium. This day was beginning to be cloudy and looking like it might rain. And by the time we got out of the aquarium and got back to the van, it had begun to rain. But we found a place called The Fun Factory in Gatlinburg and everything was indoors. I will have pictures of it on the next post.

2006-03-23T13:04:00.000-06:00

These are more pictures of our trip to Gatlinburg on February 21-22. This was the pancake house that we ate at on Wednesday morning. This is a picture of Aunt Tuesday and Hawk. Hawk was wanting to be cuddled for awhile after he ate breakfast. He is a sweet, precious little boy.
He is just a very loving, sweet little boy.
I pray all the time that he will be healed. This is a picture of Kevin and Breanna acting silly in the gift shop of the pancake house . And Jamie trying on a silly wig at the gift shop. These pictures were made at the aquarium of Hawk and Breanna. It was a small aquarium and it had a whole in the middle where they could go up in and it looked like they were in the aquarium. We had so much fun during these two days. But it is always in the back of my mind that Hawk has a very very serious illness and I am constantly praying that the Lord will take the tumor away.

2006-03-03T16:23:00.000-06:00

Here are some pictures made on our trip to Gatlinburg on February 21-22. We had a great time. Jamie, Hawk, Kevin, Tuesday, Breanna, Mike and I went. We didn't take Skyla and Brooke because we felt like it would be easier to just take Hawk and Breanna.
These are two of my favorite pictures of Jamie and Hawk. The one on the right and the one below.

These are pictures of Hawk and Breanna riding some of the rides. They had so much fun.

T
Notice both of the tongues out as they were running for the next ride. SO CUTE!!! We arrived on Tuesday afternoon and the weather was beautiful. It was very warm and sunny. We decided to go to the Nascar theme park in Pigeon Forge. There were very few people there. We almost had the whole park to ourselves. We bought some tickets to ride some of the rides, but then one of the employees told us that we could ride any of the rides as much as we wanted to. We believe that all of this was a blessing from God. The beautiful weather, the almost empty theme park, and the generosity of the employees. Jamie and Hawk rode the race cars and Tuesday and Breanna were in another one and Kevin was in one by himself. Jamie and Hawk won the race. Then we all rode the roller coaster. Breanna and Hawk rode some of the children's rides by themselves. And they rode the race cars again. Anyway, everyone had a great time. We went in Kevin and Tuesday's mini van. They have DVD's players in the van. And Hawk and Breanna both insisted that Pa Pa Mike sit in the back with them. So he got to watch movies all the way up there and back. At one point, I looked back and Hawk had his head laying on one of Mike's shoulders and Breanna had her head on the other shoulder(both of them were asleep). That is what I call a very blessed man.

2006-02-18T23:02:00.000-06:00

Update on this week: February 13th thru 18th

Hawk is still feeling good and is happy and has his energy back.

On Monday Hawk and Skyla got back into Nashville very late from their trip to Disney World.

On Tuesday, Hawk and Skyla's Aunt Tuesday picked them up and took them home with her to spend the night.
Here is an excerpt from an e-mail that she sent:
We had a good day while Hawk and Skyla spent the night. Hawk and Breanna painted, watched wallace and gromitt and played on the computer. They talked about all the stuff they wanted to do this summer: Go swimming, going to the park, and going to the fair together. Hawk wants Breanna to ride the dragon roller coaster with him. Hawk was laughing so hard at Kevin. Kevin was letting the kids put all kinds of pillows and toys on top of him.
Skyla and Brooke lay in the bed together watching tv for a while and looking at books.

On Wednesday, Lindy came to Tuesday and Kevin's and picked up Skyla. She took Skyla with her, and Tuesday took Breanna, Hawk, and Brooke to Watertown School. They were presenting Lindy with the final check from the silent auction and entertainment they had for Lindy and Hawk. Ken was there and the reporter from the Lebanon Democrat. I came in late and stood at the back of the gym. The children of the school sang the special song for Hawk and then the principal made the presentation of the check to Lindy. It was over $36,000.

These pictures are of Breanna and Hawk. They were made at Watertown School on Wednesday.

Later that afternoon, Lindy, Hawk, Skyla and Ken and newschannel 5 went to Lindy's new house for the ribbon cutting.

On Friday, Jamie and Lindy took the children to Chattanooga for Hawk to see a Doctor for alternative treatments. We are to cut out all sugar for him and he is being given vitamins and minerals to build up his immune system. Also, some more treatments that are non-invasive and intented to help him fight the cancer. He will be going to Murfreesboro once a week for these treatments.

On the way back from the clinic visit, Jamie stopped at the fireworks warehouse and told Hawk that he could pick out any fireworks he wanted. Jamie said that they had only went down about half of one aisle when Jamie had to tell him that that was enough. We shot some of the fireworks on Friday night and are saving the rest for a warmer night. Hawk and Skyla loved watching the fireworks. These are some of the things Jamie wants to do--have a fireworks display for his little son and daughter and their cousins and all of the family. This brings a lot of joy to Hawk and Skyla and to us adults who get to watch their faces light up with happiness. We are planning on having all of our family over one night for a fireworks display. Won't this make a little boy happy!!!

2006-02-10T12:22:00.000-06:00

This is a flyer that was given out for the prayer service for Hawk on December 28, 2005. I tried to scan it and copy it to this site, but it was so small, that it was hard to read it, so I've retyped it word for word.

Our family appreciates so much the elders and prayer ministry and everyone who attended the prayer service for Hawk at College Hills Church of Christ

Prayer Service for Hawk Smith
Wednesday, December 28, 2005

May God be glorified. We gather in stunned pain and tenacious hope to plead in prayer for a young child's recovery, for his family's strength, for his medical help's wisdom. We beg a nurturing spirit and commitment to prayer in all of us who love and care for this child and his family that we may stand in unwavering support for them, ministering to them as the Lord would have us, praying in their stead when exhaustion overcomes them.

II Corinthians 1:3-5 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

Psalm 139:8-10 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

We pray in the faith that our Lord has never failed us in His love. In our frailty we long for assurance that Hawk rests in the palm of God's precious hand.

Romans 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

THE WORDS OF JESUS "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me." John 14:1

He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. " And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me...." Matthew 18:2-5

2006-02-08T22:05:00.000-06:00

I wanted to add this e-mail from a friend of the family because it is so sweet. Thank you Danita for the kind words about our family.

Hi Tuesday,
I left you a message on your answering machine but I know you guys are probably extremely busy. I would like to contribute to the yard sale, I don’t have a whole lot but I’d like to give what I can. I also would like to shop the yard sale to contribute there as well, I just hope I haven’t waited too late. If you need me to bring the clothes Friday evening instead of Saturday morning I will happy to do so. I do apologize for this being a bit last minute. I was able to read some of Gwen’s blog today and WOW it really hit my heart! In knowing your family for all these years I’ve learned that you guys are full of love and work very well together in a strong support system I’m sure this is only strengthening those bonds. I trust the Lord will see you all through this and Hawk is so fortunate to be born to a family like yours. All of you are in my family’s prayers. God Bless.
Danita

2006-02-08T20:39:00.000-06:00

These pictures were made last weekend at our house. My sister and brother-in-law, Wanda and Warren Parker, were visiting from South Carolina. Hawk and Wanda found all of these candles ( I save numbered candles from year to year) and Hawk decided that he wanted a cake with all of the candles on it. So Warren went to Wal-Mart and bought a cake for Hawk and we put the candles on it and he blew all of them out.

Hawk had gotten off of the steroids, but had to go back on them last week because he was dragging his left foot again. He is taking 1 tablet a day now. He has taken his last radiation treatment. There will not be anymore radiation. He will have an MRI in about 5 weeks to see if the tumor has shrunken.

Last Friday night there was a great benefit in Hawk's honor at Watertown Hight School. When we first got there, he was not feeling too well because of the steroids, but he soon started feeling a lot better and started playing and having a good time. He really cheered up when Jamie got there. I am so proud of our family. They always support each other. Chris and Wanda and Kevin and Breanna (Tuesday was in Carthage working very hard on a Yard sale to benefit Jamie and Hawk),and Brooke was with a sitter. Mike and I, and Hawk's great-grandmother, Cathy Waddle and her husband, Derald Waddle and our good friends, Charlie and Frances Parson were there for Hawk's special night. Jamie saw a lot of his old friends from high school. A lot of them came over and said Hi to him and Hawk and offered their support. A friend of the family came all the way from Lawrence County with his family to be their because they are all praying for Hawk. There was a lot of good entertainment. Jason Meadows was there. The school children sang a special song just for Hawk.
Hawk and Breanna and Skyla were playing and having a great time with all of the rest of the children. He and Breanna are so close. They love each other so much.

Hawk started getting tired and wanted to leave and wanted to go home with us. On the way home he decided that he wanted a cheese biscuit. Mike said he didn't know where we could get a cheese biscuit at that time of the night. I said well we could stop at Four Winds Truck Stop. They would have cheese because they make cheeseburgers and they would have biscuits because they make breakfast. So we stopped there and they made Hawk a cheese biscuit.

This week Hawk has gone to Walt Disney World with Make A Wish Foundation. I'm sure he and Skyla are having a great time.

May God Bless each and everyone of you. Thanks to each and everyone who is praying for Hawk.

We found out last Wednesday that Mike has prostate cancer. He had test done on Monday and Tuesday to see if it had spread. Please pray that it has not. We will go back to the doctor this Friday the 10th to get the results of those tests. Thanks to everyone for all of the calls and prayers for him and Hawk.

2006-01-24T23:49:00.000-06:00

January 18th, 2006.

Hawk wanted a picture of him and his daddy to hang on his refrigerator.

Hawk doesn't look like himself with all of the swelling, but his smile and laugh are still the same. It's good to have him laughing and happy again.

The other day, Hawk told me that his daddy was big and strong and I said "He is?" and Hawk said "Yes, because he can lift me over his head."

We all love this little boy very much. Children bring such joy to our lives. They are truly a gift from God.

2006-01-24T23:13:00.000-06:00

This picture was taken last Wednesday the 18th, 2006.

Before Christmas, Tuesday asked Hawk what he wanted for Christmas. He told her he wanted sand and shovels. She asked him what else he wanted and he said just sand and shovels.

After Hawk was diagnosed with the tumor, Tuesday's Uncle Bill Green found out that Hawk wanted sand for Christmas, so he searched until he found a big green covered turtle sand box and filled it with sand. Tuesday's parents, Jimmy and Judy Roberts brought Hawk lots of shovels and sand buckets from Florida.They took them to Kevin and Tuesday's for Hawk. Hawk had been so sick, that he hadn't been able to go to Kevin and Tuesday's until last Wednesday. Since it snowed that morning, Hawk didn't go to his radiation treatment, so Jamie got him and took him to see Kevin, Tuesday, Breanna and Brooke. Skyla was at our house, so she didn't go. Anyway, Kevin, Tuesday and Jamie pulled that big sand box into the den downstairs and let Hawk and Breanna and Brooke play in it.
Hawk had so much fun that day.

They didn't think about getting sand in the carpet, they only thought about making a little boy happy for that day.

God bless you all.

2006-01-19T21:33:00.000-06:00

This is a picture of Skyla and Hawk made in the Spring of 2005. He loves his little sister and she loves her big brother.

Before Hawk got sick, when he had energy and could play, Skyla would watch everything he would do. If he cried, she would cry and if he immediately started laughing, she would laugh. She calls him Bubba.

He's always tickling her and trying to get her to laugh. One day, before he got sick, they were at our house and he went downstairs and got some toys just for her to play with. One of the toys was too big for her and he took it back downstairs and got one just for her. He has always been so good to her.

We love watching them play together. Hawk has already started getting his personality back. Since his steroids have been cut back, he is laughing and being very happy again. Hopefully, when he is through with his radiation treatments, he'll get his energy back and we'll have our little Hawk back and he and Skyla can play together again.

I pray that God will heal Hawk so that he and Skyla and Breanna and Brooke can all grow up together. I know that God promises that he will not give us anything that we can't handle.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Cor 1:3-4 NIV.

2006-01-19T12:32:00.000-06:00

This picture was taken a few days before Christmas. This is Hawk, his cousin, Breanna (5 yrs. old), his little sister, Skyla (16 mon. old, sitting in Pa Pa Mike's lap), and his cousin, Brooke (21 mon. old). They were sitting in the sunroom watching the Christmas train go around. Hawk loves trains.

He and Breanna are so close. The day that Hawk was released from the hospital and came to our house to spend the night, Breanna's mommy (Tuesday) had stopped by our house and Breanna left her favorite blanket (a spiderman blanket) for Hawk to have. In the days to come, when he was feeling so bad and only wanted to rest, he would get that spiderman blanket and lay on the couch and cover up with it. Also, he was at our house the weekend he was released from the hospital the second time. My sister, Wanda and her husband, Warren Parker were in from South Carolina to visit everyone and especially Hawk. The rest of our kids and their families came over to see them and to be with each other. When Breanna came in (she and Hawk had not seen each other in about 2 weeks), Hawk was lying on the couch. He raised up and said "Breanna, come here. I haven't seen you in a long time." They both hugged each other. It was so sweet. By this time he was very tired and didn't feel like playing. When Breanna got ready to leave, she hugged Hawk and told him that not only did she love him because he was her best friend, but he was her cousin also, so she loved him even more.

2006-01-16T11:20:00.000-06:00

Update Thursday, January 12, 2006

Hawk's steroids have been reduced to 1/2 a tablet once a day in the morning. We have seen a huge difference in him. He is still tired but not as tired as he was. He is laughing a lot more. He is interacting with us more. He met his Pa Pa Mike at the door yesterday and today with a big smile on his face. This is the first time this has happened in a while. He sits up on the couch and watches his cartoons (Tom and Jerry; we tape all of the Tom and Jerry episodes now) and laughes at them. Before, he was just laying on the couch and didn't interact very much. He just looks and acts much more alert.

I just want to thank all of you for all of you prayers, e-mails, and concern for Hawk. We are so thankful to all you for helping us to bear this burden. We are praying and trusting in the Lord and keeping our joy and peace while we work very hard to help Hawk.

Hawk's parents (they are divorced, but work together for the good of the children), and us, the grandparents, have decided to seek alternative treatments for him, after he finishes his radiation and steroids (2 1/2 more weeks). According to his doctors, he will receive no more treatments after this. And they are not giving us very much hope for recovery. But we thoroughly believe that that is totally up to God. He and He only knows when our time will be.

Thank all of you again so much for all of your prayers, e-mails, emotional support and for bearing this burden with us. May God have the Glory. God Bless all of you.

"In Christ Jesus...the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." GALATIANS 5:6 NIV---Your love for the Lord and others is making an ETERNAL difference, and the many lives you've touched include OURS---

Take Care and God Bless,
Gwen and Mike

2006-01-16T11:02:00.000-06:00

Update January 9, 2006

Hawk is in his 4th week of radiation. He has been on steroids since Dec. 14th. The steroids have caused him to have a huge appetite. He has gained a lot of weight or has fluid retention or both. I am posting a picture of him taken a few days before Christmas after a few radiation and steroid treatments and one taken last week after almost 3 weeks of radiation and steroids. He is very tired most of the time. He mainly just lies on the couch and watches cartoons.

The steroids make him very moody and irritable (this is not his fault, it is a side-effect of the steroids). Also we found out on Friday that the steroids cause him to have flu-like symptoms. A lot of the time, he just wants to be left alone. He complains of his stomach hurting quite a bit, but we give him tylenol and that seems to help. Everything about him has changed. He has gone from an energetic, very friendly, loving little boy to one who has no energy and a lot of the time just wants to be left alone. He has begun to lose some of his hair. We are praying that after the treatments, he will get some of his energy back.

We usually have him and Skyla on the weekends and Jamie stays with them here. Jamie has to work all week, so he likes to get them on the weekend and lately stays at our house with them.

He is a precious little boy and we love him so much.

Thank you all so much for all of your prayers and e-mails and cards.

May God bless each and everyone of you. If there is anything we can do for any of you, please let us know.

God Bless,
Gwen

2006-01-13T14:06:00.000-06:00

For several weeks our family had noticed that Hawk was holding his head sideways while looking at anything. Then we started to notice that he was dragging his left foot while walking. He looked like someone who had had a stroke. His whole left side seemed to be affected.

On Monday, Dec. 12, 2005, I called Lindy and told her if she would get an appointment for Hawk that I would take him to his doctor, Dr. Steger. She got the appointment for Dec. 14th. I called Jamie and told him and he decided to go with me. Ken (his other grandpa) called and asked if he could go also. Ken took Hawk and Jamie and I met him at the doctors office. Dr. Steger watched Hawk walk and checked his eyes, he could not move his right eye to the right. She told us that he had probably either had a stroke or had a mass in the brain or on the spinal cord. She immediately called Vanderbilt Children's Hospital and we all drove down there together--Ken, Jamie, Hawk and I. Lindy had picked up Skyla and taken her to our house. In the meantime Hawk had had a CT scan. The resident came in and told Ken, Jamie and I that Hawk definitely had a large mass in his brain, and informed us that they would be doing an MRI the next morning.

Lindy and Mimi Barbara arrived. Pa Pa Mike stayed at home and kept Skyla. Everyone was in shock and very upset with the news we already had. Jamie and Lindy stayed with Hawk that night and the rest of us went home.

On DECEMBER 15TH, 2005, Nanna Gwen took Skyla to daycare and then went to the hospital. Pa Ken, Mimi Barbara, Jamie, and Lindy were there. We were waiting for the MRI to be done and what course of action would be taken. .

Dr Steger came in to see Hawk. She was very nice. She went around the room and hugged all of us. Jim Andrews came by to see Hawk. Hawk's great-grandmother, Cathy Waddle and her husband, Derald Waddle came in to see Hawk. Pa Pa Mike came after work, around 2:00 p.m. Hawks Aunt Tuesday and cousins Breanna and Brooke came in. This really cheered Hawk up. They had a huge bouquet of balloons and a big basket full of things for Hawk and Jamie and Lindy. There were a lot of tears shed that day, we didn't know exactly what was going on, but we knew that it was not good. Our preacher, Larry Locke and Frank Dudley came in to see Hawk. Pa Ken and Mimi Barbara had to leave to pick Skyla up from daycare. Everyone else left except for Mike, and I, Jamie, Lindy, Larry and Frank Dudley. We were still waiting for the results of the MRI. All during this day, they had been putting IV's in Hawk and taking vital signs and taking him for tests, etc. In between all of this, he always wanted to go to the first floor and see the train. Once, when one of the nurses came into the room, Hawk looked at her and said" Don't you come in here messing with me anymore." I guess he had had it with all of the IV's, test, etc. All of it was pretty traumatic for him.

Finally, Dr. Kuttesch came in and asked Jamie and Lindy to step into another room with him. I asked if I could go and they said that it was okay. Mike and Larry stayed in the room with Hawk. They played a board game (Candyland) with him.

Dr. Kuttesch sat there and quietly and calmly told us what the results were. He said that Hawk had a tumor in his brain stem. It is called Pontine Glioma. It is very rare and very malignant. Surgery could not be done because of where it was located, in the Pons area of the brain stem. This tumor does not respond very well to chemotherapy. The only treatment is radiation and steroids. He told us that 95% of the children do not live two years and that the other 5% live to two years. None of us expected to hear this kind of news.

Jamie went back into the room to be with Hawk. Lindy was having a hard time and felt like she needed to go outside for some fresh air for awhile.
I called Mike out into the hall. Larry and Frank Dudley came out there also. I told Mike what we had been told. Larry went into the quiet room with us and had a prayer with us.

I called Ken and Barbara to let them know what the news was. I called Tuesday and told her. She called Kevin, he was at work, I called Chris and Wanda, I called Hawk's great-grandparents and his great-aunts and uncles. There were a lot of tears shed that night and a lot of them since. Ken decided to come back to the hospital. Mike and I stayed until after dark, then we left. Mike had to work the next day. As we were leaving, we met our son, Chris and his wife Wanda coming in to see Hawk. Naturally, Jamie and Lindy were not leaving Hawk, so they stayed again that night.

DECEMBER 16th, 2005

That day they put the portacathe in Hawks's chest in order to administer the anesthesia. He was to be put asleep each time he was given a radiation treatment.

Hawk had told Mike that when he was released from the hospital that he wanted to come to our house to spend the night, it was very late by the time he was released. Lindy decided to spend the night at our house also to be with Hawk. And Jamie stayed also.

Sat. December 18th

We went to Kevin and Tuesday's house for our Christmas party together.
Mike and I, Kevin and Tuesday, Breanna, and Brooke, Jamie,Chris and Wanda and their grandbabies, Caleb, McKenzie, and Jenna. Jamie and Lindy decided that it might be too much for Hawk, so he and Skyla didn't go. A friend of Kevin and Tuesday's, Junior Nesbitt, came by and prayed with us. He said the most beautiful prayer for Hawk.

Monday December 19th
Hawk started his radiation treatments. He seemed to do well with the treatments. He had been on the steroids since Dec. 14. By the end of the week, we could see a big difference in him.

December 25, 2005

Skyla and Hawk had Christmas with the McPeaks on december 24, so Jamie got them early Christmas morning and came to our house. After only one week of treatments, the difference in Hawk was huge. Naturally, all of the family wanted to love on him and talk to him, but his mood had already started to change. He really felt bad. He cried a lot that day. He only wanted Mike or Jamie or I to hold him that day.
Mike always plays Santa Clause on Christmas Day. He puts a pillow under the santa suit and wears a santa wig and beard, so the children don't recognize him. The last two Christmas's Hawk really enjoyed this, but this Christmas he was feeling so bad, that he just sat in Jamie's lap and cried.
Breanna really liked Santa. She told Santa that he was getting too fat, so she had left him an apple and juice under her tree. Brooke was clinging to Aunt Wanda and Skyla was clinging to Uncle Chris. But then Santa gave all of them a flashlight and they all (including Hawk) liked Santa after that. Even little Skyla and Brooke went to Santa to get the flashlights.