A video I made of Hawk. Remembering him and missing him...
Monday, March 07, 2011
Hawk on Channel 4 at Midday..Jan. 18, 2007. It had been almost a year since he had taken his MAW trip. I think he had forgotten some of it. He was so enthralled with the microphone. At one point, he turned to Lindy and said, " I love you, mommy."....he would do this all the time with all of us. All on a sudden, he would say, "Nana or Papa or whoever", and we would say, "what" and he would say, "I love you."
Such a precious little boy. I miss him so much. I miss telling him bedtime stories. I miss his enthusiasm, his smile, his energy...I miss everything about him. Sometimes the memories make me cry and sometimes they make me smile...
I'll never forget this precious little boy or EVER stop missing him. Sometimes it's just too much...
Love you Hawk. I miss you more than words can express....
Monday, January 04, 2010
We are having the First Annual Hawk's Walk for a Cure and Awareness on May 1 at Fiddler's Grove, Lebanon, Tn.
http://hawkswalk.weebly.com/index.html
Trying to bring awareness and a cure for Pediatric Brain Tumors and especially DIPG. We miss Hawk so much. It's been almost 3 years since he left. Three years since we've seen him, heard his voice, heard his laugh. When I write about it, it's almost too much.
I would love to see him again. See his enthusiasm for life. But I know it's not possible during my life here. Now I'm crying.
We love you our precious Hawk and miss you so much. The other day, Skyla (Hawk's little sister) was talking and I asked her who she was talking to and she said "Bubba" (Hawk). She said that she talks to him all the time. She is now the age he was when he left. Our family will never ever get over losing this precious little boy. EVER.
JESUS SAID, "LET THE LITTLE CHILDREN COME TO ME, AND DO NOT HINDER THEM, FOR THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN BELONGS TO SUCH AS THESE." MATTHEW 19:14
visit: www.icouldbeyourchild.org and read about the children and the foundations and ways you can help.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
4 years ago today 12/12/2005, Mike's family from Lawrence County came up to spend the day with us for Christmas. We had been noticing changes in Hawk since Oct. But on this day, I could tell that things were getting worse. He looked like someone who had had a stroke. I remember taking a picture of him, Jamie and Skyla in front of the tree. He was holding onto Jamie's hand. And Hawk wasn't smiling. I wondered why he wasn't smiling. Now I understand that he couldn't smile. I don't like to look at that picture. I understand now that he was trying to smile, but just couldn't. Breaks my heart. There was a tumor inside his head on his brain stem. After everyone left, I called Lindy and asked her to make an appt. with Hawk's doctor and I would take him.She called the next day and said that his appt was for Dec 15th.
I called Jamie and asked if he wanted to go with me and he did. Hawk's other grandpa called me and said he wanted to go also. On the 15th, Ken picked Hawk up and met Jamie and me at the doctor's office. I remember every detail of that day. I remember what the examination room looked like. How Hawk reacted when Jamie and I walked in. He was so excited to see Jamie, as always. Jamie and Lindy were divorced, so Hawk didn't see Jamie everyday. I remember Dr Steger coming into the room and holding her finger in front of Hawk's eyes and telling him to follow her finger. He couldn't follow with his right eye. I knew immediately that something was very wrong. She left the room and immediately called Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. She came back in and told us to take Hawk to Vanderbilt. That it was possibly a stroke, a tumor on his brain or a tumor on his spine. I am a very positive thinking person. On the way to Vanderbilt, I was thinking...if it's a stroke, I'm sure that can be corrected.
We got to Vanderbilt. They did an MRI. They came into the room and told Jamie that Hawk definitely had a mass on the brain, but would do a CT scan the next day to determine exactly what it was. Lindy and Barbara arrived at the hospital, Mike stayed at our house and took care of Skyla. I remember Hawk's hospital room and everything about that day. Dr Steger, Hawk's pediatrician came to Vanderbilt and came into Hawk's room and went around the room and hugged everyone of us. When I got home that night, I told Mike....I don't know exactly what's wrong, but it's going to be very bad. And I was right.
The next day on the 16th, they did the CT scan. By the time they had the results, the only people who were at the hospital were Mike, Jamie, Lindy and I. Dr K came into Hawk's room and asked Jamie and Lindy to step into another room with him. They asked if I wanted to go. Mike stayed in the room with Hawk and played a game of candyland. Dr. K calmly told us that Hawk had a tumor on his brain stem....the worse kind of cancer a child can have....the name for it is diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma...DIPG. That 95% of the children live less than 2 yrs. That there was no cure. I called all of our family and told them. Everyone was in shock and disbelief. There were a lot of tears shed. And so began the nightmare for our family. Our lives changed on those 3 days and will never be the same again.
Hawk lived 13 1/2 months after being diagnosed. And passed away on Feb. 4, 2007. We miss him everyday. We will NEVER stop missing him or loving him.
Very little is done for cancer research for children. Only a small percent of money raised for cancer research is given for the children. 100% of money raised at Hawk's Walk will go to bringing awareness and research for childhood cancer.
I don't remember any other Dec 12, 15 or 16th of any other year in my life. But I'll always remember Dec 12th, 15th and 16th of 2005.
And on Dec 15th of this year, we'll be spending it at a benefit for Bishop Mikaelian, a beautiful young girl who is fighting a brain tumor. I'm thankful that on Dec 15th of this year, we can be supporting and encouraging another family who knows the pain and heartache of having a child with a brain tumor, but I'm not glad that after 4 years very little has been done for childhood cancer awareness and research
I called Jamie and asked if he wanted to go with me and he did. Hawk's other grandpa called me and said he wanted to go also. On the 15th, Ken picked Hawk up and met Jamie and me at the doctor's office. I remember every detail of that day. I remember what the examination room looked like. How Hawk reacted when Jamie and I walked in. He was so excited to see Jamie, as always. Jamie and Lindy were divorced, so Hawk didn't see Jamie everyday. I remember Dr Steger coming into the room and holding her finger in front of Hawk's eyes and telling him to follow her finger. He couldn't follow with his right eye. I knew immediately that something was very wrong. She left the room and immediately called Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. She came back in and told us to take Hawk to Vanderbilt. That it was possibly a stroke, a tumor on his brain or a tumor on his spine. I am a very positive thinking person. On the way to Vanderbilt, I was thinking...if it's a stroke, I'm sure that can be corrected.
We got to Vanderbilt. They did an MRI. They came into the room and told Jamie that Hawk definitely had a mass on the brain, but would do a CT scan the next day to determine exactly what it was. Lindy and Barbara arrived at the hospital, Mike stayed at our house and took care of Skyla. I remember Hawk's hospital room and everything about that day. Dr Steger, Hawk's pediatrician came to Vanderbilt and came into Hawk's room and went around the room and hugged everyone of us. When I got home that night, I told Mike....I don't know exactly what's wrong, but it's going to be very bad. And I was right.
The next day on the 16th, they did the CT scan. By the time they had the results, the only people who were at the hospital were Mike, Jamie, Lindy and I. Dr K came into Hawk's room and asked Jamie and Lindy to step into another room with him. They asked if I wanted to go. Mike stayed in the room with Hawk and played a game of candyland. Dr. K calmly told us that Hawk had a tumor on his brain stem....the worse kind of cancer a child can have....the name for it is diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma...DIPG. That 95% of the children live less than 2 yrs. That there was no cure. I called all of our family and told them. Everyone was in shock and disbelief. There were a lot of tears shed. And so began the nightmare for our family. Our lives changed on those 3 days and will never be the same again.
Hawk lived 13 1/2 months after being diagnosed. And passed away on Feb. 4, 2007. We miss him everyday. We will NEVER stop missing him or loving him.
Very little is done for cancer research for children. Only a small percent of money raised for cancer research is given for the children. 100% of money raised at Hawk's Walk will go to bringing awareness and research for childhood cancer.
I don't remember any other Dec 12, 15 or 16th of any other year in my life. But I'll always remember Dec 12th, 15th and 16th of 2005.
And on Dec 15th of this year, we'll be spending it at a benefit for Bishop Mikaelian, a beautiful young girl who is fighting a brain tumor. I'm thankful that on Dec 15th of this year, we can be supporting and encouraging another family who knows the pain and heartache of having a child with a brain tumor, but I'm not glad that after 4 years very little has been done for childhood cancer awareness and research
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Thursday..Oct. 8, 2009....We arrived in Greeneville about 8:30 in the evening. Jamie wanted us to come on over to Leah's brother, Denny and his wife Karen's house. So we did. Skyla had gone up with Jamie and Leah a few days earlier, so we went over and spent some time with Denny and Karen. They have a beautiful home out in the country. Jamie put some boston butts on the smoker to cook until some time the next day. We stayed there for awhile and then went on over the our motel. Skyla went with us. My sister, Wanda and her husband, Warren were already at the motel. They came to our room and visited awhile. Skyla was playing and all of a sudden she said: "I miss Bubba (Hawk)". I asked her what made her think of him all of a sudden and she said that she just did and that she missed him. Wanda and Warren went to their room and we went to bed.
Friday Oct. 9, 2009....We got up and joined Wanda and Warren for breakfast. After breakfast, we all went to the Davy Crockett Birthplace State Park. It was interesting to read about him and see the replica of the cabin that he was born in. After he married, he moved to Lawrence County (the county Mike and I are from). There is a Davy Crockett State Park in Lawrenceburg Tn also.
We left the park and drove to Jonesboro..the oldest town in Tennessee. It is a beautiful town. All of the old buildings have been turned into shops and restaurants. We went into a candy store. The young man who was working in there asked me where we were from. I told him and told him why we were in that area. That our son was getting married. I had Skyla with me and I told him that her daddy was the one getting married. And I told him about Hawk. He wanted to know all about Hawk's illness and said that he had a one year old little girl and how awful it would be to lose a child. It was just me and him and Skyla in the store. So I shared with him some things I had learned about the lack of funding for childhood cancer and told him about gold being the color of childhood cancer awareness and told him about grey being the color of brain tumor awareness. I gave him a ICBYC card and he said that he would definitely check out their website. I also told him about the first annual Hawk Smith walk for a Cure in Lebanon, Tn on May 1, 2010.
At 4:00, Mike, I, Skyla, Wanda and Warren went to Leah's parents (Dennis and Jackie Holt) house for the rehearsal. Our son, Chris and his wife, Wanda were there and a lot of Leah's family. Leah's attendant was her best friend, Stephanie and Jamie's best man was his brother, Chris. It was a fall wedding so Skyla dropped fall leaves out of a basket. So when we would call her the flower girl, she would correct us and say that she was the leaf girl....CUTE!!!...
At 7:00 PM, we all went to Stan's BBQ restaurant for the rehearsal dinner. Mike and I treated about 25 family and friends to dinner. We had a great time with each of our families getting to know each better. I love Leah's family. They all are so loving, a lot of fun and very friendly. And we all have a lot in common with each other. And most of all they love my son very much. But, of course, they should. He is a very lovable young man. And now he is their son-in-law. And we love Leah very much and now she is our daughter-in-law.
Sat. Oct. 10, 2009...We got up and Wanda, Warren, Chris and Wanda all came to our room and then they and Mike went to breadfast. Skyla was still asleep, so I stayed with her. They brought me something back. Wanda (my sister) and Wanda (my daughter-in-law) and I went to the Dollar Tree and I bought 31 hellium balloons to send up to Hawk after the wedding. We came back and all of us got ready for the wedding. It was a beautiful country wedding. It was at Leah's mom and dad's (Jackie and Dennis Holt) house out in the country. They have a BEAUTIFUL country home on 20 acres. It was a Fall wedding. Very casual. Leah told me and her mother to wear blue jeans, so we did. Leah wore a beautiful wedding gown, Skyla was dressed in a beautiful long white dress with lace socks and a pretty white bow in her hair. She threw leaves out of a basket. As the wedding started, Jamie gave me a rose and kissed me and Leah gave Jackie a rose and kissed her. Dennis gave Leah away and then Leah and Jamie said their vows.
After the wedding there were a lot pictures being taken. A friend of the family (who is a professional photographer) was taking the pictures. He took a lot of picture and stayed til late in the night taking pictures.
After that, we all went to the back of the house and let balloons go for Hawk. Jamie and Leah and Skyla held a red heart shaped balloon. The rest of us held assorted colors...grey for brain tumor awareness, white heart shaped and blue heart shaped. There were 30 of these balloons. Some couples shared one. All of the children had a balloon. Leah asked me to say something. I said that Jamie, Leah and Skyla were holding the heart shaped balloon together as the beginning of their new family. That we were letting balloons go in memory of Hawk. That he was with us on this day and every day. Jamie, Leah and Skyla let their red balloon go first. Then we all let ours go. We all said..."We love you Hawk." The red balloon went up first. The other balloons made a circle around the red balloon. At one point, the red balloon turned over and the balloon was facing down toward us as the other balloons circled it. They went all the way out of sight with the red balloon going first and the rest in a circle around it. It was beautiful. Several came up to me and said that that was a wonderful thing to do. Our family was used to letting balloons go for Hawk, but that was the first time that Leah's family had let balloons go for Hawk. They all thought it was so special. Hawk is a part of their family now. There were some tears shed...the ones I noticed were Jamie, Mike, Mike's brother Sammie and our neice, Heather and I know some more that I didn't see.
After that we all talked awhile and then Jamie read a poem that he wrote thanking everyone for coming. It was nice and funny. Then we all ate. They served a country meal. Jamie smoked some boston butts all night and then pulled them apart and barbequed them. The barbeque was delicious. Leah's uncle Johnny cooked white beans in a huge iron pot over an open fire all day. And we had stewed potatoes, homemade slaw, cornbread, onions and relish and jalepenos for the beans. Delicious!!! There was a bottle of champaigne at each table. There were tubs of iced down cold drinks, water, beer, and wine. While we were eating, a woman and man who work with Leah played guitars and sang and entertained us.
Then Jamie and Leah had the first dance. They chose..I Cross My Heart..by George Strait. Beautiful song. Leah's brother, Denny, was the DJ. Saturday was also our granddaughter, Breanna's 9th birthday. Leah surprised with her own individual cake that Leah's sister, Tonya baked. Leah put 9 candles on the cake and we all sang Happy Birthday to Breanna. That was very nice of Leah and her family. Jamie and Leah cut their wedding cake. Tonya (Leah's sister) baked a pumpkin cake, an apple cake and a chocolate cake. They were delicious. Then Denny started the music and some of us danced. The guys had built a huge bonfire in the back of the house and some of them went back there. Some of Jamie and Leah's friends were camping back there. We had so much fun. We danced and kareoked. We had a ball. Eventually, most of the ones at the campfire joined the rest of us. Leah's family are so much fun.
Our granddaughter Kayla, 15 and Leah's step-neice, Katie, 15 sang to some Taylor Swift songs and some Trisha Yearwood songs..."You belong with me" and She's In Love With The boy" and some more. Jackie (Leah's mom) kareoked with some country songs. I sang to Tina Turner...."Simply the Best" and " Better Be Good To Me". Jackie and I sang to an Elvis Presley song. Jackie, her sister-in-law, Debbie and her neice and I sang "Crazy" by Patsy Cline. Jackie's brother, Barry sang to "Feel Like Making Love", as Jamie and Leah were leaving. Mike sang to George Strait "Amarillo By Morning", "If You're Looking For A Stranger" and "You Look So Good In Love" and "The Dance" by Garth Brooke. Mike has a beautiful voice and sings just like George Strait. And Skyla sang by herself..."Jesus Loves Me" and "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star". I never sat down for 4 hours. I danced and sang and enjoyed everyone else dancing and singing and had a ball.
Jamie and Leah left before the rest of us. They went to Pigeon Forge Saturday night and then left Sunday morning for a week in Panama City.
Leah's family is great. All of them. We all have so much in common. We are so blessed with all of our daughters-in-law's families. We spend time with all of them. We do a lot with Wanda (our daughter-in-law)'s family, we are close to Tuesday (our daughter-in-law)'s family. In fact, Jamie and Leah are going to visit with them while they are in Panama City this week. And I know we'll be close to Leah's family. We are a blessed family.
Friday Oct. 9, 2009....We got up and joined Wanda and Warren for breakfast. After breakfast, we all went to the Davy Crockett Birthplace State Park. It was interesting to read about him and see the replica of the cabin that he was born in. After he married, he moved to Lawrence County (the county Mike and I are from). There is a Davy Crockett State Park in Lawrenceburg Tn also.
We left the park and drove to Jonesboro..the oldest town in Tennessee. It is a beautiful town. All of the old buildings have been turned into shops and restaurants. We went into a candy store. The young man who was working in there asked me where we were from. I told him and told him why we were in that area. That our son was getting married. I had Skyla with me and I told him that her daddy was the one getting married. And I told him about Hawk. He wanted to know all about Hawk's illness and said that he had a one year old little girl and how awful it would be to lose a child. It was just me and him and Skyla in the store. So I shared with him some things I had learned about the lack of funding for childhood cancer and told him about gold being the color of childhood cancer awareness and told him about grey being the color of brain tumor awareness. I gave him a ICBYC card and he said that he would definitely check out their website. I also told him about the first annual Hawk Smith walk for a Cure in Lebanon, Tn on May 1, 2010.
At 4:00, Mike, I, Skyla, Wanda and Warren went to Leah's parents (Dennis and Jackie Holt) house for the rehearsal. Our son, Chris and his wife, Wanda were there and a lot of Leah's family. Leah's attendant was her best friend, Stephanie and Jamie's best man was his brother, Chris. It was a fall wedding so Skyla dropped fall leaves out of a basket. So when we would call her the flower girl, she would correct us and say that she was the leaf girl....CUTE!!!...
At 7:00 PM, we all went to Stan's BBQ restaurant for the rehearsal dinner. Mike and I treated about 25 family and friends to dinner. We had a great time with each of our families getting to know each better. I love Leah's family. They all are so loving, a lot of fun and very friendly. And we all have a lot in common with each other. And most of all they love my son very much. But, of course, they should. He is a very lovable young man. And now he is their son-in-law. And we love Leah very much and now she is our daughter-in-law.
Sat. Oct. 10, 2009...We got up and Wanda, Warren, Chris and Wanda all came to our room and then they and Mike went to breadfast. Skyla was still asleep, so I stayed with her. They brought me something back. Wanda (my sister) and Wanda (my daughter-in-law) and I went to the Dollar Tree and I bought 31 hellium balloons to send up to Hawk after the wedding. We came back and all of us got ready for the wedding. It was a beautiful country wedding. It was at Leah's mom and dad's (Jackie and Dennis Holt) house out in the country. They have a BEAUTIFUL country home on 20 acres. It was a Fall wedding. Very casual. Leah told me and her mother to wear blue jeans, so we did. Leah wore a beautiful wedding gown, Skyla was dressed in a beautiful long white dress with lace socks and a pretty white bow in her hair. She threw leaves out of a basket. As the wedding started, Jamie gave me a rose and kissed me and Leah gave Jackie a rose and kissed her. Dennis gave Leah away and then Leah and Jamie said their vows.
After the wedding there were a lot pictures being taken. A friend of the family (who is a professional photographer) was taking the pictures. He took a lot of picture and stayed til late in the night taking pictures.
After that, we all went to the back of the house and let balloons go for Hawk. Jamie and Leah and Skyla held a red heart shaped balloon. The rest of us held assorted colors...grey for brain tumor awareness, white heart shaped and blue heart shaped. There were 30 of these balloons. Some couples shared one. All of the children had a balloon. Leah asked me to say something. I said that Jamie, Leah and Skyla were holding the heart shaped balloon together as the beginning of their new family. That we were letting balloons go in memory of Hawk. That he was with us on this day and every day. Jamie, Leah and Skyla let their red balloon go first. Then we all let ours go. We all said..."We love you Hawk." The red balloon went up first. The other balloons made a circle around the red balloon. At one point, the red balloon turned over and the balloon was facing down toward us as the other balloons circled it. They went all the way out of sight with the red balloon going first and the rest in a circle around it. It was beautiful. Several came up to me and said that that was a wonderful thing to do. Our family was used to letting balloons go for Hawk, but that was the first time that Leah's family had let balloons go for Hawk. They all thought it was so special. Hawk is a part of their family now. There were some tears shed...the ones I noticed were Jamie, Mike, Mike's brother Sammie and our neice, Heather and I know some more that I didn't see.
After that we all talked awhile and then Jamie read a poem that he wrote thanking everyone for coming. It was nice and funny. Then we all ate. They served a country meal. Jamie smoked some boston butts all night and then pulled them apart and barbequed them. The barbeque was delicious. Leah's uncle Johnny cooked white beans in a huge iron pot over an open fire all day. And we had stewed potatoes, homemade slaw, cornbread, onions and relish and jalepenos for the beans. Delicious!!! There was a bottle of champaigne at each table. There were tubs of iced down cold drinks, water, beer, and wine. While we were eating, a woman and man who work with Leah played guitars and sang and entertained us.
Then Jamie and Leah had the first dance. They chose..I Cross My Heart..by George Strait. Beautiful song. Leah's brother, Denny, was the DJ. Saturday was also our granddaughter, Breanna's 9th birthday. Leah surprised with her own individual cake that Leah's sister, Tonya baked. Leah put 9 candles on the cake and we all sang Happy Birthday to Breanna. That was very nice of Leah and her family. Jamie and Leah cut their wedding cake. Tonya (Leah's sister) baked a pumpkin cake, an apple cake and a chocolate cake. They were delicious. Then Denny started the music and some of us danced. The guys had built a huge bonfire in the back of the house and some of them went back there. Some of Jamie and Leah's friends were camping back there. We had so much fun. We danced and kareoked. We had a ball. Eventually, most of the ones at the campfire joined the rest of us. Leah's family are so much fun.
Our granddaughter Kayla, 15 and Leah's step-neice, Katie, 15 sang to some Taylor Swift songs and some Trisha Yearwood songs..."You belong with me" and She's In Love With The boy" and some more. Jackie (Leah's mom) kareoked with some country songs. I sang to Tina Turner...."Simply the Best" and " Better Be Good To Me". Jackie and I sang to an Elvis Presley song. Jackie, her sister-in-law, Debbie and her neice and I sang "Crazy" by Patsy Cline. Jackie's brother, Barry sang to "Feel Like Making Love", as Jamie and Leah were leaving. Mike sang to George Strait "Amarillo By Morning", "If You're Looking For A Stranger" and "You Look So Good In Love" and "The Dance" by Garth Brooke. Mike has a beautiful voice and sings just like George Strait. And Skyla sang by herself..."Jesus Loves Me" and "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star". I never sat down for 4 hours. I danced and sang and enjoyed everyone else dancing and singing and had a ball.
Jamie and Leah left before the rest of us. They went to Pigeon Forge Saturday night and then left Sunday morning for a week in Panama City.
Leah's family is great. All of them. We all have so much in common. We are so blessed with all of our daughters-in-law's families. We spend time with all of them. We do a lot with Wanda (our daughter-in-law)'s family, we are close to Tuesday (our daughter-in-law)'s family. In fact, Jamie and Leah are going to visit with them while they are in Panama City this week. And I know we'll be close to Leah's family. We are a blessed family.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
First of all...I love you Hawk and Miss you everyday..that will never change.Here is a link for Chili's restaurant...dine at Chili's tomorrow and all proceeds goes to St. Jude's Hospital...
http://www.createapepper.com/BigDay.aspx
We are planning the first annual Hawk's Walk for a Cure at Fiddler's Grove, Lebanon, Tn May 1, 2010...www.icouldbeyourchild.org....Increase public awareness of Pediatric Brain Tumors (primarily DIPG) and Childhood Cancer, provide funding for research and to provide support to children and families diagnosed with a PBT.
Although Jamie and Lindy are not actively involved right now, they are very supportive of this. They both have full time jobs, so it is not as easy for them to work on it as is for me to.
Breanna is in 3rd grade. She made honor roll the first 6 weeks. Proud of Breanna. Skyla and Brooke started to kindergarten. Brooke got the most improved the first 6 weeks. Skyla and Brooke miss coming to our house during the week and we miss them coming here. We usually get them on the weekend now. Breanna spent the night on Friday night and then Brooke came last night and Breanna went home with Tuesday and we took Brooke and Skyla to church and now they are here playing.
Our youngest son, Jamie, is getting married on Oct. 10th to Leah Holt. Jamie is happy and more like himself than he's been in awhile. He and Leah started dating in Oct of 2006. We had just found out that Hawk's tumor had started growing again. Leah has been great for Jamie. Hawk loved Leah and she was very good with him and now is a great addition in Skyla's life. She and Jamie are getting married in Greeneville, Tn at her parent's house. We are all looking forward to the wedding.
Saturday, May 09, 2009
I miss you, Hawk. I miss you a lot. I miss your beautiful smile, your joyous infectious laughter. We got tickled just watching you laugh. I miss telling you bedtime stories. The three little pigs and the three bears. It wasn't Goldilocks and the three bears--it was Hawk and most of his family going to the 3 bears house. He would name all of the people he wanted the story to be about. It usually included most of his family. I miss your incredible energy and your enthusiasm for life. The love you had for everyone. When I would come to daycare to get you and you would be at the end of hall and you would see me. You would have a huge smile on your face and your would yell "nannie" as loud as you could and run to me. And if you had just seen me the day before, you would do this. Thank you, Hawk for all of the incredible LOVE and memories you left us. You have no idea how precious you were to our family. Today we watched movies of you taken the last week you were here. It was the first time we have watched them. Pa Pa and I cried. We love and miss you so much. I would love to hold you again, to hear you say, "I love you, nannie" again, to watch you run and laugh and play with your little sister. Skyla doesn't talk about you very much now, she was too little to remember you. But I tell her about you all of the time. I hate it that she and Brooke won't remember you. Breanna misses you so much. She talks about you all of the time. Both of you were so close. I know you know this, but Breanna and Brooke send balloons to you all of the time.
I'm posting about the other precious children who have or have had DIPG and other cancer and it is bringing so many painful memories of going through it with Hawk. It will never go away. There will never be a day that we won't miss you, our precious little grandson.
We love you Hawk. It was not in our power to keep you here, but it was in our power to love you and cherish you and to cherish your memory.
We will always love you and miss you, our precious little grandson.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
We miss you Hawk. It has been almost 2 years since you left. Time takes care of some of the pain, but not all of it. The more time goes by, the harder it gets, because we know that we won't see you here again. It still seems hard to believe that you are not here and won't be back.
I felt so depressed about decorating for Christmas and then I decided to at least go through the motions. And so Mike and I put up the tree and put out the decorations and Mike decorated the trees and house on the outside. Brooke stayed with us for a few days and she helped. She was so excited about helping us with the decorations. She had remembered some of the globes that I had out last year and she wanted to see them. I am so thankful for our grandchildren. I don't know how we would have gotten through all of this with Hawk, if it hadn't been for them. Brooke and Skyla talk about him all the time. Breanna has the most memories of him, because she was older when he passed away. She talks about him a lot and misses him a lot.
There is so much pain and hurt left in our family because of Hawk dying. I know he is in a better place, but we miss him so much.
I felt so depressed about decorating for Christmas and then I decided to at least go through the motions. And so Mike and I put up the tree and put out the decorations and Mike decorated the trees and house on the outside. Brooke stayed with us for a few days and she helped. She was so excited about helping us with the decorations. She had remembered some of the globes that I had out last year and she wanted to see them. I am so thankful for our grandchildren. I don't know how we would have gotten through all of this with Hawk, if it hadn't been for them. Brooke and Skyla talk about him all the time. Breanna has the most memories of him, because she was older when he passed away. She talks about him a lot and misses him a lot.
There is so much pain and hurt left in our family because of Hawk dying. I know he is in a better place, but we miss him so much.
Monday, June 23, 2008
TRIP TO LAS VEGAS AND GRAND CANYON
On of Amarillo, Tx. more popular attractions is Cadillac Ranch, where ten vintage Cadillacs were buried with their tail fins in the air by Stanly Marsh 111. People stop and spray paint the cars.
These are horned mountain goats. We were on the tour bus going to Hoover Dam. Our guide told us that if we saw these goats, then we would have luck at the casino in Las Vegas that night. I won $60. that night which is a lot for me.
The Hoover Dam. This is an amazing thing to see. It was amazing to me that they went down in the middle of this huge solid rock mountain and made this dam on the Colorado River.
After we left the Hoover Dam, we went back to Las Vegas.
One of the buildings in Las Vegas.
All of the casinos were huge. Las Vegas is a very busy place. Their are cars, buses and people everywhere. They have a monorail system that takes you from casino to casino. Mike and I found out that that is the best way to travel in Las Vegas. We were more interested in seeing the sights than gambling. We spent very little money playing the slot machines and I won $60.
The lights of Vegas at night. We were on a schedule, so we didn't get to see many of the sights of Vegas. I would like to go back some time and stay longer at Vegas and at the Grand Canyon.
Inside Caesar Palace. This is a huge place. The ceiling is painted to look like the sky. It looks like you have entered the ancient city of Rome when you go in Caesars palace. It is very beautiful.
The shops in Caesars Palace.
One of the many sculptors in Caesars Palace that reminded us of Rome.
Thursday June 05, 2008, we arrived at the Grand Canyon. It is the most awesome site I've ever seen. Pictures and movies don't do it justice. I kept hearing things like awesome, amazing, incredible etc. It is one of the 7 natural wonders of the world and now I know why. Words can't describe how incredible it is. I almost cried when I saw it. It is an amazing site. Nothing manmade could ever compare to what God can make.
Mike and I in front of the Grand Canyon.
A close up of the Colorado River at the bottom of the Grand Canyon
Another view of the Grand Canyon
Another view of the Grand Canyon. The little bitty white line is the Colorado River. The Grand Canyon is a mile deep and over 240 miles long.
This was made at The Amarillo Botanical Gardens on the way back on Sat June 7.
We really enjoyed this trip. My favorite sites were the Hoover Dam and the Grand Canyon. Some of the animals we saw were a prong horned antelope in Arizona. Elk in Oklahoma and the horned mountain goats in Boulder City, NV.
We were amazed at how different the scenery is out there. Mike and I had never been further west than Little Rock, Ark. The vastness of everything. We would go for 20 or 30 miles and not see a house. The desert had no grass, just little bushes. The long trains in New Mexico. The windmills in Texas. We saw the Petrified Forest and The Painted Desert. The huge mountains of solid rock. But the absolute most amazing site was the Grand Canyon.
On May 30, 2008, we left Mt Juliet for a 11 days/10 nights trip to Las Vegas and Grand Canyon and points west. We were on a Diamond Tours bus with the Mt. Juliet Senior Citizens.
Our driver, Marla. She did a wonderful job of driving the bus.
She got that bus out of some tight places that some of us thought she might not do, but she always did.
Our driver, Marla. She did a wonderful job of driving the bus.
She got that bus out of some tight places that some of us thought she might not do, but she always did.
Peggy and her grandson Christopher. He was the youngest person on the bus. They sat across the aisle from us. Mike and I and Charlie and Frances sat in the back across from them. Our seats were turned to face each other and there was a small table between us.
Peggy has a great sense of humor. She kept us laughing and was a lot of fun. She was a great person to be taking a long trip with. Christopher had an Ipod with lots of songs on it and one with lots of movies on it. He listened to music and watched his movies a lot. He was very knowledgeable of the area we were traveling in. If we had a question about something we saw, he could usually answer it. Left Mt Juliet, Tn on Friday, May 30 at 8:00 am. Stopped every few hours for a break, usually at a Loves truck stop. Watched 2 movies that day. Ate dinner at Luby's Cafeteria in Little Rock, Ark. Spent the night in Sallisaw, Ok. Got up the next morning and left for Oklahoma City. At 10:30 we stopped at a rest stop and met a woman from Lawrenceburg, Tn (our home county). She and her husband drive a tractor trailor to California and back every week. It is a small world.
Our first stop was the Oklahoma City National Memorial. The April 19, 1995, Oklahoma City bombing changed our nation and our world. It was the costliest act of terrorism up to that time on American soil. 
168 people were killed, including 19 children--more than 700 injured--it involved thousands of rescuers.
This is a statue of Christ across the road from the memorial. He has his back to the site of destruction and is holding his face in his hand and on the bottom of the statue it says: And Jesus Wept.
This wall is made up of different things that children sent to the memorial. There are handprints, drawings, etc.
Charlie and Frances in front of the rows of chairs in memory of the people who were killed that day. Each row represents the floor they were on when the bombing happened. Each persons name is engraved on each chair. The second row of chairs are smaller than the others. That is where the Day Care was. These are the chairs representing the children who were killed.
We left Oklahoma and crossed into Texas at 4:21 on Sat. may 31.
On of Amarillo, Tx. more popular attractions is Cadillac Ranch, where ten vintage Cadillacs were buried with their tail fins in the air by Stanly Marsh 111. People stop and spray paint the cars.
On Sunday 6/1/08 we were driving through Texas and we saw more cows than we have ever seen in one place at one time. We think approximately 5-6,000 cows and one cowboy taking care of them.
Also, in Texas, we saw the huge three prong windmills. They were huge and amazing to see. Some of them were right on the edge of the interstate. We also saw several oil wells.
We entered New Mexico at 10:00 our time. We had to set our watches back 1 hour.
Taken outside of the restaurant. This was at the corner of the old Route 66 and the new Route 66. We traveled along the old Route 66 most of the way out there. Some of the old road is not passable now and some of it is part of I-40. We saw the teepee motel that is on Route 66. We were amazed at the terrain out there. In Texas and New Mexico, we drove for 25 or 30 miles and only see one little house. In New Mexico we would see miles of flat desert with no grass and then all of a sudden there would be a huge mountain of solid rock.
A post card of Route 66.
Lake Meade. This is the lake that was formed by the Hoover Dam when the Colorado was dammed up.
These are horned mountain goats. We were on the tour bus going to Hoover Dam. Our guide told us that if we saw these goats, then we would have luck at the casino in Las Vegas that night. I won $60. that night which is a lot for me.
The Hoover Dam. This is an amazing thing to see. It was amazing to me that they went down in the middle of this huge solid rock mountain and made this dam on the Colorado River.
This is a picture of the Colorado River rushing into the Dam to produce electricity.
Hoover Dam is a testimony to a country's ability to construct monolithic projects in the midst of adverse conditions. Built during the Depression; thousands of men and their families came to Black Canyon to tame the Colorado River. It took less than five years, in a harsh and barren land, to build the largest dam of its time. Now, years later, Hoover Dam still stands as a world-renowned structure. The Dam is a National Historic Landmark and has been rated by the American Society of Civil Engineers as one of America's Seven Modern Civil Engineering Wonders.
Go to: www.usbr.gov/lc/hooverdam to read about this amazing engineering wonders.
As of 9/11, buses carrying luggage are not allowed to cross the Hoover Dam because of security reasons. In the background of this picture is the construction of a new highway that will cross over the Colorado River for the traffic that is not allowed now.
The Colorado River has a lot of lime in it. The white section is how high the river has been on the mountain. It left a bleached area.
The Colorado River has a lot of lime in it. The white section is how high the river has been on the mountain. It left a bleached area.
This is a memorial made for the 96 men who lost their lives while building the dam.
After we left the Hoover Dam, we went back to Las Vegas.
One of the buildings in Las Vegas.
All of the casinos were huge. Las Vegas is a very busy place. Their are cars, buses and people everywhere. They have a monorail system that takes you from casino to casino. Mike and I found out that that is the best way to travel in Las Vegas. We were more interested in seeing the sights than gambling. We spent very little money playing the slot machines and I won $60.
The lights of Vegas at night. We were on a schedule, so we didn't get to see many of the sights of Vegas. I would like to go back some time and stay longer at Vegas and at the Grand Canyon.
Inside Caesar Palace. This is a huge place. The ceiling is painted to look like the sky. It looks like you have entered the ancient city of Rome when you go in Caesars palace. It is very beautiful.
The shops in Caesars Palace.
One of the many sculptors in Caesars Palace that reminded us of Rome.
Thursday June 05, 2008, we arrived at the Grand Canyon. It is the most awesome site I've ever seen. Pictures and movies don't do it justice. I kept hearing things like awesome, amazing, incredible etc. It is one of the 7 natural wonders of the world and now I know why. Words can't describe how incredible it is. I almost cried when I saw it. It is an amazing site. Nothing manmade could ever compare to what God can make.
Mike and I in front of the Grand Canyon.
A close up of the Colorado River at the bottom of the Grand Canyon
Another view of the Grand Canyon
Another view of the Grand Canyon. The little bitty white line is the Colorado River. The Grand Canyon is a mile deep and over 240 miles long.
This was made at The Amarillo Botanical Gardens on the way back on Sat June 7.
All of the plants and flowers were beautiful.
Fay, Frances, me, and Mary
Charlie and Fran at the Botanical Gardens
Mike at the Botanical Gardens.
Charlie and Fran at the Botanical Gardens
Mike at the Botanical Gardens.
We really enjoyed this trip. My favorite sites were the Hoover Dam and the Grand Canyon. Some of the animals we saw were a prong horned antelope in Arizona. Elk in Oklahoma and the horned mountain goats in Boulder City, NV.
We were amazed at how different the scenery is out there. Mike and I had never been further west than Little Rock, Ark. The vastness of everything. We would go for 20 or 30 miles and not see a house. The desert had no grass, just little bushes. The long trains in New Mexico. The windmills in Texas. We saw the Petrified Forest and The Painted Desert. The huge mountains of solid rock. But the absolute most amazing site was the Grand Canyon.
Some of the things we did while riding along: On the way to Amarillo, Tx, we decided that we needed to know the words to the song by George Strait--Amarillo By Morning. We managed to come up with some of the words and then Christopher heard us talking about it and he said he had the song on his ipod, so we got the words from him.
We played bingo. Some people told jokes. We watched movies. After seeing the Grand Canyon, Frances and I decided that we needed to know all of the 7 wonders of the world. So I called my sister in SC and she got on the computer and gave us the 7 natural wonders of the world and the 7 man made wonders of the world. Fran went up to the front of the bus and got the microphone and shared the info with everyone.
Mike wrote a poem about our trip. Peggy went up to the front of the bus and read it on the microphone to everyone.
This is it:
Riding through the great southwest.
We're heading for Amarillo tonight.
Marlo's doing the driving,
We're looking at the sights.
There's no trees and no green grass to remind us all of Home.
No, we're out here in the Desert where the mule deer and the antelope roam.
There's dirt and sand stretching far and wide
And rocks and mountains reaching to the sky.
We looked into the great and awesome Grand Canyon
And we stood there in wonder feeling so small
Taking in this great panoramic view.
There's lots of speculation on how all of this came to be.
But there is one thing that all of us agree.
God blessed all of us when He let us come and see.
We traveled over 4,000 miles round trip.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Skyla and Brooke with umbrellas. It was coming a light rain and they wanted to continue playing outside, so we gave them umbrellas and let them continue play.
Brooke had on a "fancy dress". They love to dress up in their "fancy dresses".
Brooke had her 4th birthday party on May 3. She was 4 on April 29, but they waited until Sat. May 3 to celebrate. She had a skating party. She wouldn't wear her skates. She said that they made her nervous. Skyla wore hers and Brooke was barefooted. She walked around with Skyla on the skating rink. They stayed together the whole time. Everyone had a great time. Breanna can skate really good. Breanna and Hawk were always together and now Skyla and Brooke are always together.
We had a great Mother's Day. Everyone came to our house. It was Mike's mom, Cathy Waddle and her husband, Derald, Mike's sister, Regina and her husband Mike Carr and his mom, Carrie Carr, and their daughter, Heather Blackburn. Our sons, Chris and Wanda and Jamie and Leah and Skyla and Mike and I. We cooked hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill and had all of the trimmings. Then we played Trivia for Dummies. We had a ball with that game.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Here are new pictures of Skyla. They were made several months ago. Her other grandmother took her to a photographer in Brentwood. The photographer had made pictures of Hawk several years ago. When she found out that he had passed away, she gave Barbara the negatives she had of Hawk. Most photographer don't ever give away the negatives. I thought that was really nice of her to give those to Barbara.
This is a car magnet we had made for our car. We always want to keep Hawk's memory alive. He was our very special precious little grandson. We miss him every day.Breanna has been on the honor roll all year and she wanted to be on the Principals list. Well , she finally made it on this report card. She is one of 3 on the Principals List in the first grade. Way to go Breanna!!! She has a 99 average.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
This is in memory of Hawk and pictures of our family.On the left Jamie and Hawk when Hawk was 2 years old
TO HAWK:
We thought of you with love today But that is nothing new....We thought about you yesterday and the days before that too..We think of you in silence. We often speak your name. All we have now are memories and your picture in a frame. Your memory is our keepsake with which we'll never part.God has you in his keeping , we have you in our hearts. A thousand times we cried. If love alone could have saved you you never would have died. In life we loved you dearly in death we love you still. In our hearts you hold a place no one could ever fill. It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn't go alone.For a part of us went with you the day God took you home. Hawk, we miss you terribly. We'll always love you.
Breanna, Brooke and Skyla talk of you all the time.
On the left, Chris and Kayla. Kayla will be 14 in March. She is the typical teenager, she likes to be with her friends and text message a lot.
My sister, Wanda, playing pool. She and Warren came in for a few days in January. We went to Lawrence County one day to see two of our aunts and Wanda got to see one of her childhood friends that she hadn't seen in about 20 years.
Warren and Brooke eating lunch in Lawrenceburg. Some of these pics turned out little like this. I don't know how to fix it.
Chris and Wanda listening to old albums of mine.
Kevin, Tuesday, Breanna and brooke. 
Leah and Jamie.
Kayla
Brooke and Skyla on their trikes we got them for Christmas, they love to ride them. Both of them are 3.
Breanna, 7, on her scooter we got her for Christmas. She loves her scooter.
Breanna. She is in 1st grade. She has been on the honor roll all year.
Breanna
Brooke with one half of one eyebrow gone. She found one of Kevin's razors and shaved it off.
Skyla with valentine balloon.
Brooke and Skyla in the blowup bouncy house. Mike got it at an auction. They love it. Their hair was fixed until they played in the bouncy house for awhile
Skyla drawing. She and Brooke love to draw.
Leah and Jamie.
Everyone came over and spent time with Wanda and Warren while they were here.
Kayla
Brooke and Skyla on their trikes we got them for Christmas, they love to ride them. Both of them are 3.
Breanna, 7, on her scooter we got her for Christmas. She loves her scooter.
Breanna. She is in 1st grade. She has been on the honor roll all year.
Breanna
Brooke with one half of one eyebrow gone. She found one of Kevin's razors and shaved it off.
Skyla with valentine balloon.
Brooke and Skyla in the blowup bouncy house. Mike got it at an auction. They love it. Their hair was fixed until they played in the bouncy house for awhile
Skyla drawing. She and Brooke love to draw.
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