JAMES HAWK SMITH

Kayla and Breanna.

Kayla spent a week with Kevin and Tuesday earlier in the summer. She is coming to our house tomorrow. She's needs to raise $50. for a trip to HolidayWorld. We told her that she could help me clean the house tomorrow and we would give her $30. She already has the other $20 from babysitting. Of course, we will give her the money anyway, but she can help me, so that she can earn it. I can't believe that she is already 13 years old. She is a beautiful little lady.

This blog is part journal and part blog about our family.

Hawk's passing has been so hard on Mike and I. We miss him so much. It is not getting any easier with time. It has been 5 1/2 months since he left. As each month goes by, we realize that we will never hear his little voice or see him or talk to him again during this lifetime. We have movies of him, but it is not the same. WE MISS HIM SO MUCH. I've gone through several stages. I've been very mad, I've been very sad, I've been very depressed. I don't understand a lot of things anymore. I was always a very positive person who kept everyone encouraged. But I'm just not that person right now. And I know that our lives will never be the same. We will enjoy life and we will enjoy our grandchildren, but there will always be something missing.

Our best friends, Charlie and Fran Parson invited us to go to Florida with them in June of this year. At first I didn't want to go, but we decided at the last minute to go. We stayed 3 1/2 days in Jacksonville, Fl. and then a week in New Smyrna Beach, Fl. I am so glad that we went. We had a great time. We laughed a lot. There is nothing like the Ocean to soothe the soul. Mike and Charlie played golf a lot and Fran and I shopped. We had a great time.

When the other grandchildren are here, we have a great time with them and play and laugh with them. They are a bright spot and a joy in our lives. We do not show our sadness in front of them. It is still hard to see Skyla without Hawk. But we don't let her see any of the sadness in us. When she is here, we laugh and play with her.

I haven't written on the blog in a long time, it has been hard to write on it, but I am going to try to continue it for the other grandchildren. This is a great way to keep up with our family. Someday I will be able to look back and read all of the changes we go through. I would never be able to remember all of it without writing it down and this is the easiest way for me.

Kayla, Breanna and Brooke with a large Eagle kite.

Pretty little Skyla with her baby doll. She is a different child now. She is more independent. She is going through stage where she doesn't like to stay away from home when night time gets here. She'll stay all day with us, but when it is time for bed, she wants to go home, so we go and get her and keep her all day and then take her back at bedtime.

I had this picture and the following saying matted and framed in memory of our precious little Hawk:
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One thing I know is true,
Nothing is harder than missing you.
If Love could have saved you,
You would have lived forever.
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Of course we know that he will live forever because of Love. But if Love could have saved him here, He would have stayed with us longer.

I don't know about other parents and grandparents who have lost a child or grandchild, but I have a need to tell everyone about Hawk. I find myself telling perfect strangers about him and that he left us in February. I tell store clerks and my doctors and everyone. I feel a need to tell people about how precious he was and that he left us in February. I've learned a lot about all of this. In the past, if I knew someone who had lost a child or someone close to them, sometimes I wouldn't know what to say, but now I understand that they may just to need talk about that person and they just need someone to listen. People tell me that they don't bring his name up because they are afraid that it will cause us to get emotional, but I like to talk about him. He will always be a huge part of our lives. Just because he's not here physically, doesn't mean that's he's not with us. He left us with incredible memories and hearts running over with Love. And I guess that I just have a need to tell people about him. We will continue on with our lives and we will take him with us. We Love You Hawk.