JAMES HAWK SMITH

Oct. 27, 2006 Hawk went back on Thursday for the results of his last MRI. It is not good news. The tumor has started growing. He looks so good and feels so good that it is hard to believe that he has something so terribly wrong with him. There were a lot of tears shed on Thursday, but none in front of Hawk. I called all of our family and told everyone and everyone was just heartbroken all over again.

This picture was taken at the park.

Dr. Kuttesch told Lindy that this was the beginning of the end. There is nothing else that the doctors can do.

He told her and Mark(Hawk's step-father) to start thinking about what they and Jamie will want to do if Hawk starts getting worse. The options are chemotherapy, which he does not recommend because it has not been proven to help in any way---clinical trials(which is a form of chemotherapy), which is experimental drugs--or Hospice. Jamie and Lindy have been saying all along that they will not do anything to prolong Hawk's suffering. They do not want to give him any steroids. The side effects of steroids are flu like symptoms and debilatating arthritis. Their joints hurt so bad that they have to be on pain killers. It is so hard to write about this, but I know that a lot people are concerned for Hawk and a lot of people have been and continue to pray for him, and I know that everyone wants to know how he is doing. Anyway, Jamie, Lindy, Mark, Mike and I are all in agreement about what to do for Hawk. We all love him so much. We do not want to see him suffer any more than he has to. We do not want to see him suffer at all. There is no medical cure for this tumor. If any of this would cure him, it would be another thing, but none of it will cure him. It will only prolong his suffering. At this time, Jamie and Lindy have decided that Hospice and drugs to ease his pain will be the only thing that they will do. They want Hawk to have the best life he can. Hopefully, these decisions will not have to be made for a long time(although Hawk's doctor believes that it will be soon).

But we are not through fighting for Hawk's life. He is on herbal supplements and on a organic food plan. The doctors have been amazed at how well he has done so far. Dr Kuttecsh told them that he was amazed at how well hawk has done. (he was amazed until this last MRI, when the tumor started growing again.) He absolutely did not expect Hawk to be doing this well at 10 months after diagnosis. We have heard of some more natural supplements that could help him and all of us will be starting those with him. As for Mike and I, he will eat nothing but organic foods when he is with us. We have heard of others who have beat the odds (Lance Armstrong and Naomi Judd are two). The medical doctors have given up, but we have not given up. And we pray constantly. We know that God can heal him. I have absolutely no doubt that God can heal him.

I know that Lindy is overwhelmed with everything. She teaches during the day and grades papers at night, so I have offered to take some of the burden from her. I will call her weekly to make sure that she has everything on hand that Hawk needs, also I will do all of the ordering for her. All she will need to do is tell me what she needs and I will order it and have it sent to her. Mark works full time and Jamie works full time nights and sleeps during the day. I am retired, so I have more time to help with this.

When Jesus was in the garden of Gethsemane, He prayed that "this cup be removed from him, but that God's will be done." I pray that this cup be removed from Hawk, but that God's will be done. We are told to give thanks in ALL SITUATIONS. I am thankful for Hawk. I am thankful that he is my grandson. He is such a loving little boy.

He tells all of us all the time how much he loves us. The other day, I told Hawk that I loved him all the way to the end of the universe and back and he said that he loved me "36". this is a lot because this is a big number to him. When we got to our house, I told Mike that Hawk loved me "36 and Mike said that the other day he told him that he loved him "15", I guess that Hawk thought that Mike's might be a better number, so he said, "Nanna, I love you "15 also." I need to write all of this, because I might forget it someday.

I am thankful for our family's faith. There is absolutely no way we could get through this without our faith and walking closely with Jesus and clinging to him. I am thankful for all of the people who are praying daily for Hawk. We take it one day at a time. Right now Hawk is full of energy, and is happy and feels great and looks great. I don't believe that any of our minds can go past just today.



This is Breanna and Hawk taken at the park at Skyla's 2 birthday party










This was taken in Breanna and Hawk's Sunday School class on Breanna's 6th birthday. Hawk is on the far left, Breanna is in the middle with the pretty white dress on.

















Hawk and Breanna at Sunday School on Breanna's 6th birthday.














Skyla at the park at Breanna's birthday party.


















Hawk playing ball with Uncle Kevin











Skyla at the top of the slide.















Brooke and Skyla at the park.













Pa Pa Mike with the two little girls, Skyla and Brooke. They are 2 years old.






I do have a lot of faith and I know that God will do the right thing for Hawk whatever it might be. But sometimes when I look at these pictures of him and our precious little grandchildren, I just cannot accept the fact that he might not make it and might not be here. When all of this first happened, Mike and I decided that we would just take it one day at a time or we would go crazy with grief, but sometimes it all just overwhelms me. I just cannot imagine all of our lives without him--and that is why I am so thankful for God's words of encouragement. What would we do without the Bible and our faith and God's love and the love and prayers of others like all of you.