MORE MEMORIES OF HAWK (2001-2007)

These were made at our house during the summer of 2006.




This one was made in our pasture beside the house. Hawk loved to go over there and go to the pond and throw rocks in the little creek. He called it an adventure to to over there with Mike.

The following is a special note for Hawk and all of the children who have gone on to Heaven because of this terrible disease. I got it off of JJ's site: www.icouldbeyourchild.org. I changed it from her to he.

Hawk definitely fulfilled his mission here on earth. From day one, he was a happy, loving child. He brought a lot of people together. And a lot of people renewed their faith in God because of him. The sanctuary at our church holds about 1,000 people and it was almost full at Hawk's Celebration of Life. He touched a lot of lives in his short 5 years here.

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THE BRAVE LITTLE SOUL: FOR HAWK AND ALL OF THE CHILDREN

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Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however the little soul was sad, for on this day he saw suffering in the world. He approached God and sadly asked, “Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?”

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God paused for a moment and replied, "Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people’s hearts.” The little soul was confused. “What do you mean,”he asked.” God replied, “Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone.” The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, “The suffering soul unlocks the love in people’s hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this - it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer - to unlock this love – to create this miracle - for the good of all humanity."

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Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain himself. With his wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, "I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people’s hearts! I want to create that miracle!" God smiled and said, "You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request.

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But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you. God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced. In parting, God said, “Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed.”

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Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God’s strength,he unlocked the goodness and love in people’s hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys – some regained lost faith – many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased. - J. Alessi

MEMORIES OF HAWK

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All of these pics were taken when Hawk was almost 3 and Breanna was almost 4. Brooke was a few months old.



This one shows off his beautiful eyes. He was always smiling.



Tuesday, Lindy and I had taken them to Opry Mills mall to have their pics taken at Glamour Shots. All of these pics were taken at glamour shots. Lindy was pregnant with Skyla.




Breanna and Brooke taken at the mall in 2004. Brooke is 3 now and Breanna is almost 7 (will be on 10-10-2007).

I made these dresses for them.

Hawk on the motorcycle. Jamie really liked this one.

Precious little Hawk.

After the pics were taken, we took them to Build-a-Bear and let Breanna and Hawk make a puppy. Brooke was too little to make one. Breanna picked out a brown puppy and Hawk pick out a black and white one.

MORE MEMORIES OF HAWK

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Sept 18, 2004

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Hawk looking at his new baby sister, Skyla Sno. He was 3. This is a precious picture.

It is hard to do this, but I want to make a journal for Jamie and for Skyla. Skyla will not remember her big brother ( she called him bubba), so I want to make a journal for her and for the other grandchildren. I will make copies of this blog and put it in a folder for them. Someday it will mean a lot to them. I need to do this, but we miss him so much, but I'm thankful that we have so many pictures and movies and wonderful memories. It is still hard to think of him as a memory, but that's the way it is now.

This is a precious picture.

Hawk and Breanna in the waiting room waiting for Skyla to be born. Hawk was 3 and Breanna was almost 4. He was always smiling. I had gotten him a shirt that said, "I'm the big brother. " he was wearing it. Brooke had been born in April and I had gotten Breanna a shirt that said. " I'm the big sister."

Jamie holding his little girl. She will be 3 in Sept of this year.

These are pictures of Breanna's Kindergarten graduation. She will be in 1st grade now!!! Way to go Breanna!!

It was a very cute ceremony. They had the 8th grade ceremony first and then the kindergarten. After the ceremonies, they had a reception for everyone. All of the children got a helium balloon. Breanna went outside and let her's go up for Hawk. Any time she has a helium balloon, she lets it go for Hawk. She wants to know if she'll see all of those balloons in Heaven when she sees Hawk someday. Who knows, maybe she will. I think she will see them.

She and Brooke spent the week with us two weeks ago. We went to Wal-mart one day and bought a balloon and went to Hawk's grave and let it go for him. It went all the way up and completely our of sight.

All of these things are bittersweet. Hawk was supposed to graduate from kindergarten this year also. Even though he and Breanna were a year apart, she started to kindergarten the same year that he did because of when her birthday was. They would have been in the same grade all of the way through school. But that was not meant to be. When we make our plans, we should say: "If it is the Lord's will."

My thinking as of right now: I will not pray for a miracle again. I will pray the Lord's Prayer--Thy Will not mine be done. I will humble myself and pray for God's will to be done and let it go.

We all need prayer, but if anyone is ever praying for me, I want them to pray the Lord's Prayer and go on. A lot of people prayed for Hawk, but it was not God's will for him to stay here. God is all knowing and has infinite wisdom. I have accepted that, but we still grieve and hurt because Hawk is not here. I'm glad that I don't run the world, because it would be in a mess if I did. God's will be done in all things.

Breanna and Brooke spent a few days with us this week. We took them to the Opry Mills Build-A-Bear. We had taken Hawk and Breanna when they were 4 and 3 and they had made a puppy apiece. This time we took Breanna and Brooke. Brooke was with us the first time, but she was only a few months old, so this was her first time to get to make an animal. they both picked out a bunny rabbit. Breanna's is a darker brown and is bigger than Brooke's. They really enjoyed making them and picking out some clothes for them. Breanna named her's Brownie and Brooke named her's Pinky. After we got the bunnies, we took the girls to The Rain Forest for lunch. They really enjoyed that. There is a huge carousel at the Food Court inside the mall, so we let them ride that.

After we got home, we noticed that Breanna's bunny's voice wasn't working anymore, so we got back in the minivan and went back to Opry Mills and got that replaced and they rode the carousel again. Anyway, everything is working fine with their bunnies now.

We plan on getting Skyla one day this week and taking her to Build-A-Bear. Maybe I can get pictures of all of them with their animals.

Breanna has lost 2 teeth, so now Brooke (3) thinks that her teeth will fall out. The other day she looked at Mike and asked him if her teeth were getting loose. And then she wanted to know if his teeth were getting loose. She is so cute. They all are. All of them keep us laughing. They are a joy to have around.

Kayla and Breanna.

Kayla spent a week with Kevin and Tuesday earlier in the summer. She is coming to our house tomorrow. She's needs to raise $50. for a trip to HolidayWorld. We told her that she could help me clean the house tomorrow and we would give her $30. She already has the other $20 from babysitting. Of course, we will give her the money anyway, but she can help me, so that she can earn it. I can't believe that she is already 13 years old. She is a beautiful little lady.

This blog is part journal and part blog about our family.

Hawk's passing has been so hard on Mike and I. We miss him so much. It is not getting any easier with time. It has been 5 1/2 months since he left. As each month goes by, we realize that we will never hear his little voice or see him or talk to him again during this lifetime. We have movies of him, but it is not the same. WE MISS HIM SO MUCH. I've gone through several stages. I've been very mad, I've been very sad, I've been very depressed. I don't understand a lot of things anymore. I was always a very positive person who kept everyone encouraged. But I'm just not that person right now. And I know that our lives will never be the same. We will enjoy life and we will enjoy our grandchildren, but there will always be something missing.

Our best friends, Charlie and Fran Parson invited us to go to Florida with them in June of this year. At first I didn't want to go, but we decided at the last minute to go. We stayed 3 1/2 days in Jacksonville, Fl. and then a week in New Smyrna Beach, Fl. I am so glad that we went. We had a great time. We laughed a lot. There is nothing like the Ocean to soothe the soul. Mike and Charlie played golf a lot and Fran and I shopped. We had a great time.

When the other grandchildren are here, we have a great time with them and play and laugh with them. They are a bright spot and a joy in our lives. We do not show our sadness in front of them. It is still hard to see Skyla without Hawk. But we don't let her see any of the sadness in us. When she is here, we laugh and play with her.

I haven't written on the blog in a long time, it has been hard to write on it, but I am going to try to continue it for the other grandchildren. This is a great way to keep up with our family. Someday I will be able to look back and read all of the changes we go through. I would never be able to remember all of it without writing it down and this is the easiest way for me.

Kayla, Breanna and Brooke with a large Eagle kite.

Pretty little Skyla with her baby doll. She is a different child now. She is more independent. She is going through stage where she doesn't like to stay away from home when night time gets here. She'll stay all day with us, but when it is time for bed, she wants to go home, so we go and get her and keep her all day and then take her back at bedtime.

I had this picture and the following saying matted and framed in memory of our precious little Hawk:
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One thing I know is true,
Nothing is harder than missing you.
If Love could have saved you,
You would have lived forever.
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Of course we know that he will live forever because of Love. But if Love could have saved him here, He would have stayed with us longer.

I don't know about other parents and grandparents who have lost a child or grandchild, but I have a need to tell everyone about Hawk. I find myself telling perfect strangers about him and that he left us in February. I tell store clerks and my doctors and everyone. I feel a need to tell people about how precious he was and that he left us in February. I've learned a lot about all of this. In the past, if I knew someone who had lost a child or someone close to them, sometimes I wouldn't know what to say, but now I understand that they may just to need talk about that person and they just need someone to listen. People tell me that they don't bring his name up because they are afraid that it will cause us to get emotional, but I like to talk about him. He will always be a huge part of our lives. Just because he's not here physically, doesn't mean that's he's not with us. He left us with incredible memories and hearts running over with Love. And I guess that I just have a need to tell people about him. We will continue on with our lives and we will take him with us. We Love You Hawk.